update #3... i think i forgot to post #2. sorry! (if you want it, e-mail me!)

i don't know what to feel. christmas came and went like a week-end event. it wasn't for the hype. it wasn't for the show. if you wanted to celebrate you had to make an effort. and we did! we had a barbecue with sea food (amazing... my favorite!). Carolers came to our house, we put up the christmas tree along with the presents and did a lot of Christmas baking as well. the ladies here really (at the house) got into the christmas season, which was so cool to see it real and not a "routine" atmosphere. for most of them it was actually the first time to celebrate either as a follower of Christ or at all. it was amazing to see the difference in the ladies outlook... they had hope and joy and meaning. this was as a family (the 8 of us who all live in the same house along with close friends).

we also celebrated christmas corporately with ladies from the bars on the 17th. may came out for a fun filled night. we packed the palce while we played games, had amazing food, and just really good fellowship. for most of them it was the first time they had been introduced to Jesus. joy is the only way to sum up the whole night. joy was just electric throughout the party. i loved hanging out with the ladies. they probably show me more then i can ever show them... at least that's what i think. they just have such patience, dedication, determination and love for their community. they are all amazing women. it was also really amazing to see God use the whole night for so many people. the servers couldn't believe that these ladies came (Thais usually don't associate with someone who is lower in standing then themselves). the Thai volunteers also had a similar response and were just amazed how many people came. the ladies who came all seemed quite taken aback as well... and to say the least, i was amazed by it all. bonita was quite touched as "Home of New Beginnings" has been grounded in prayer for Thai leadership who can eventually run the organization, and all the voluntters and hosts were Thai. it was amazing to see God just work in each of our hearts.



i loved this christmas. it's been hard being away from family and knowing that everyone is having fun at home, but it's been much more rewarding to know that i'm exactly where Christ wants me, regardless of whether i can see the "quick" results or fully understand why, all i know is peace. and this peace is deeper then meer understanding. Christ is with us regardless of the circumstances. whether it be financial, geographical, or emotional... God is here. and guess what? he's omnipresent as well (good thing!). but, honestly, i just want to bless you for all of the blessings of prayer and joy which you have given me just by being you. your prayers, your caring hearts and your correspondence with me has been so much appreciated... thank-you all so much

as for the future, we are leaving to go to Northern Thailand tonight (well, 4 am!). we're going on a "trip", which i am excited for bonding time as well as relaxing time with Christ. please pray for travel safety as well as visa "issues". my education visa expires on the 4th of next month and i will have to get it renewed when i go to school on the 3rd (i start thai language classes then! woo hoo... you could pray for that class). please just pray for a smooth transition from one visa to the next as i know that it can always become complicated. thank-you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

thank-you again... and praise God for his faithfulness wherever we may be!

the Christmas party/Michelle/Life~

sooo, it's christmas... and i'm sweating up a storm. i know that you may be jealous about that comment, but to be quite honest there's a backfire to a hot winter... you miss winter completely. you miss all of the snow, the skating, the food, but mostly the family.

i'm not saying this for attention, i'm saying this because i truly miss you guys. there's something to be said about being home at this time. although i know that i should be here, my heart is still with you guys as well.

but on a more positive outlook... there's a lot to be thankful for! the christmas party was an amazing success. there were 98 ladies out from around 20ish bars. we played games, sang songs, made crafts, and had supper together. it was so amazing and as bonita had pointed out, everyone there was really impacted. from the servers to the volunteers to the ladies to the speaker. everyone was put outside of the "norm" and put into an amazing time together... all joining as a group. i loved it. i loved seeing Christ move in ladies. there was all thai leadership... so cool! and the speaker was from singapore (the same one at the retreat actually)... and was very great!

there have been ladies which have shown interest in coming into the center... and whatever God has in store it'll be amazing. but regardless of that, there has been such an amazing difference in how the ladies react to us as we go to the bars. we hug, and they are just so happy to see us. we (michelle and i) actually went to get some pizza near our house and a lady was there with her boyfriend (from england), but anyways, she had sat at the same table as me during the dinner... and we just had an amazing time talking and just to see her again. her boyfriend actually asked her, "why are you smiling so much?" and she just said that she was so happy to see us. a different lady ran out of the bar and was so ecstatic just to talk and see us again... i'll never forget her face.

michelle left yesterday. that was hard. she understood what i was/am going through. she was such a support to me and to the ladies and the organization. we taught english together and she stayed here a couple of nights between going to school in bangkok. she's from the states and went back from Christmas/school/weddings. so, anyways, she's gone now... and although it's hard i know that she's going where God wants her, and that's so great! oh, but we went to go see a lady from the bars to say good-bye to before michelle left and she was almost crying... she's one of the most precious ladies i have ever seen. she's one of the first ladies i was introduced to when i started here in october... God is so good. no matter what the circumstances. anyways, i want you all to know that i'm thinking and praying for you... if you want to e-mail me, please do. i'm also on facebook. please keep in touch... i'll listen!

Parents and Thailand

just thought that i'd send a couple of pictures with our updated time with my parents and myself in thailand.




this was a "mock" thai village haveing 5 different Northern Tribes represented in one area. it was amazing to see a lot of the character from the houses to the people


i snuck a quick pick of some monks when we went to " wat doi suthep". wat means temple and it is a famous one of chiang mai (a city we stayed the north for 3 days) as it overlooks the city and is quite beautiful. it is also a pigrimage for monks suposidly.


thai silk factory. it was cool as we got to see how thai silk is actually made from the worms to the dress... so cool!


original thai dinner and dance. that's something i'll never forget.

dad and mom

ok, so my parents just came out the other day, and we've been having a pretty good time i think! i toured them around my home of bangkok of course, but we've also been to amphawa (a small, non-touristy, floating market town). so, their streets are actually canals and they make their way around by boat. they also have some streets, but the main strip is on the canal. we then later went out on a boat to go see fireflies at night. it was so cool. very different as well... anyways we're off to chiang mai today (a town in the north), so i am pretty excited for that.

miss you guys and thanks for all your prayers... if you ever need me to pray for anything or just want to keep in touch, please do!

Always morphing

things have been going better then before. there has not only been reconciling within the group at home, but there has also been an abundance of people coming to english class. litterally it's packed! we have to get more chairs from the other room and sometimes there doesn't seem to be enough working space. it's amazing to see all these ladies here. the spritual attacks are still here and lonelyness seems to be hitting me in every retrospect, but the prayers and support are so encouraging to me. i've really been learning that obedience is much more important then perfection. if we do what God wants us to, he will provide. it's been affirmed in many ways, and i thank-you all for your support financially as well as spritually. it's helped along the way.

we've been busy from going to confrences to planning for the christmas party. but, it's much more about what we are all learning then what we are doing. you can just see Gods hand working in each lady that lives here and that comes into the house. yes, there's problems and no, we are not perfect, but we are in Christ's arms and that's all i could ask for. i don't know what else to say.

the poverty compared to the wealthy in bangkok is mindboggling. i saw a "thai investment bank" the other day, with people begging for money on the street just below the sign. it shows the contrast of bangkok very well... there's an ongoing mentality that what you have defines whom you are... one that is bought in many cultures and areas of the world. unfortunately that is not true... as you could be the richest asshole ever (sorry about the vulgarity... it's just so true). and you could be the poorest most kind person ever... and although these extremes are found everywhere, you can also be rich and striving after christ more then ever as well. i'm noticing that within this church which i am attending. it's a house church which politicians, artists, fashion designers and archetects from around bangkok come. they are some of the richest people here, and yet so humble and real before Christ. it's amazing to see... and it's amazing to realize that God chooses to bless people. yes people work for it, but ultimately it's Christ whom blesses you.

thanks for the love and support, i'd love to hear from you too... danaekrahn@gmail.com

it's real life now

so, after the initial shock and then the settling in culture shock, thailand seems more like real life.

and, when i say real life it's not super easy. this last week has been a struggle. there's disunity within the household, but mainly due to respect issues (from not doing jobs, to talking back, to threatening... even threatening to leave). but, it's allowing everyone's colors to show. we (mainly bonita, ann and i) are praying for healing for the ladies here, and as wonderful of a prayer as it is... it's really difficult to deal with the issues as they arise.

just think about it through their eyes... even if it is impossible to fully comprehend. you've been disowned at a young age. probably abused. you've been involved in prostitution. rape. you've dealt with pregnancy at a young age (15 for example). abortions. always looking out for yourself... no matter what it takes.

hurting people hurt people.

the past doesn't just dissolve in one day. it's not fun. and, the healing is hard. there are wrong decisions. and, it's tough love. the tension at home has been hard.

the spiritual warfare is intense. when bonita and ann where talking to the ladies the phone would ring at key times (crying times!). honestly, a hydro line blew up at a key point... it's ridiculous.

i wrote in my journal the other day...
"I feel claustrophobic. not in the sense of having a desire to 'get out' but more of an acknowledgement of the fact that there is so much evil surrounding me. so much that seems to be closing in. but, i just want to thank-You for the light. There's a piercing light within this claustrophobia. It's constant. Consistent."

your prayers are always helpful and i thank-you so much for them. we are in a war zone right now. but, i just want to thank-you so much for all of your love. i can feel it encouraging me overseas.

don't worry, i am safe. safe and sound in the arms of Jesus. i've never felt so close to him before in my life. don't worry about me. just pray for the ladies... and for discernment as well as endurance as we face these battles. (at least we're on the winning side!)

God is amazing

okay, so thank-you so much for all of your prayers everything went fantastic.

there were so many divine appointments. we got tones of good rates on things and were able to stay in Nong Khai (which could be my future home b/c i love it so much) and see the place whitch we will be staying in the New Year as a group. it was nice and cool and the people were nice and it was right along the river (border) between thailand and laos. after our first night we went to Vivetine (capital in Laos) to the thai embassy. originally it seemed like we were going to have to stay an extra day as they only process visas in one day during emergency situations (and we would have to pay an extra 5000 Baht (around 166 CAD) for this). so, i was getting a little bit annoyed at this. but, kept my cool. then as we were waiting for the reciept for my visa ann talked to this official (after praying for quite some time) and said that she was told that i could recieve my needed visa within the a day and that we did not have our luggage, which we left in Nong Khai in total faith, and could not just spend a night in Laos as she had to get back to work. so, they made her send a fax from the NGO that she is working with to verify that iw oudl be living w/ her for these next months and that she had to get back to work asap. we were told to come back @ 2 pm and talk more about the situation.

we went back @ 1:15, as we knew it opened @ 1 and would wait if needed. there was no line, so we went up to the desk and the lady asked for Anns passport to verify that the document faxed over was for her, and then she passed both passports back over the counter and said, okay you're good to go and you just have to renew your new visa in thailand. we didn't realaie that what she said was true @ the time.

we got onto the bus to go back to Nong Khai and i opened up my visa, and inside was a "Non-Immigrant 2 month education visa"! basically, i can stay in thailand and just renew my visa, and the actual date that i will have to renew it by is Feb. 2nd as they give you 30days grace after the visa is expired. it's amazing! originally i expected to have only a 30day tourist visa which i would have to renew in laos and pay all the extra traveling cost and everything to go out there. but, now it totally worked out! thank-you so much!

went to the school the next day, and another huge blessing. they said that i would only ahve to pay for 3 months of schooling. i signed up for 6 months, planning only to take 3 months of the course, but needed the visa, so i sacrificed and was going to pay the extra $ to stay in thailand. so, that cost was cut in half! it's just amaing how it all worked out and i thank all of you for your prayers.

my parents are coming out on the 27th of this month and i am fervently planning for their arrival, so sorry that this came out later then it should. you're awesome!

going to laos

so, i will be going to the Thai Embassy in Laos on Monday. I recieved information regarding the Thai school i will be going to, and so the immigration office here in Bangkok informed me that when I bring this information to the Thai embassy in Laos they can issue me another "tourist visa" because of official doc. for the schooling in Bangkok. Ann insisted that she would join me, which will be such an asset as she speaks fluent Thai and English and would allow things to go much smoother.

your prayers have been amazing! we were in and out of the immigration office in 15 minutes. this one lady just helped us right away. and then also with the school. they were able to recieve documentation that i would be attending the day after I applied (which was yesturday!). thank-you so much.

the prayers were also felt today when Ann and I did outreach to the bars. if we go into the bars we have to pay for drinks, but what we mainly wanted to do was talk to the ladies which we already know and invite them to the Christmas Party. Everyone we wanted to talk to was having a break outside. you have no idea how uncommon that is. one lady actually was just walking out as we were going to ask for her. God has been opening up amazing doors. I am learning a lot not only in different cultural aspects but in spiritual aspects as well. my eyes are being opened to a greater world. it's truly amazing.

prayers for the upcoming Laos trip would be awesome, as well as they Christmas party and just for me as I am feeling like a square pig in a round hole out here. i mean, i knew it when i came but, everything is different. and i don't mean just on the outside. their way of thinking is totally different. the women here don't take much initative and the whole outlook on life is different. they live for more of a here and now mentality then a future mentality. i just want to focus on what God has called me to. to love on these people here. and i don't want to get weighed down because i am different. 'cause things are different, but i want to focus intensly while i am here and get to the heart of the matter and not insecurities that pop up. you guys are awesome. if you want any prayer or anything please let me know, i still want to keep in touch even though we're miles away!

p.s. i'm still looking into uni as well... focusing more on specific universities... can't believe it

update #1 (in case you didn't recieve it by e-mail, and if you didn't please e-mail me @ danaekrahn@gmail.com so i can add you)

thailand 101. sawadee ka is how you say hi for ladies, sawadee kup if for guys.

anyways... bangkok is amazing. i could go on and on talking about it and how great it is but i'll just get right to it!

95% of tourism in thailand is based on prostitution. you see it everywhere on the streets of bangkok. every kind of guy w/ a thai lady (or transvestite). honestly, old, every race, crippled, businessmen... you name it, you got it.

unfortunately this is not alarming in thailand. supposedly around 85% of people in thailand are dealing with some sort of depression. they have to "save face" (which is really hiding all the problems to look like everything's okay because you have to keep your status (or rank) in the culture). so, for example, someone older, or males (especially first borns), or someone higher in society (occupational wise), or foreigners would all be in higher rank when comparing themselves to another person.

unfortunately this "saving face" concept does not allow many people to express how they are actually doing or feel about a subject. this can go as far as not telling someone that you have been abused so that you will not bring shame on that person. it cuts deep into every area of society. (there are good sides to it though, like respecting others and valuing what they say, which can be thrown out the window in some of our societies).

prostitutes "save face" for the family by allowing them to have an income. usually a prostitute will be supplying money for her family, which do not have jobs. if she would have a brother, he would not have to work as he has so much honour in the family for being a male (some also become monks, which also doesn't supply any $). one lady that i know about has 11 family members that she has to support with work... so it's really intense.

all of this adds for the ladies to not want to get off the street. they think that they have an obligation for their family and most have been told that they are worthless from birth, so to get some attention from men that came overseas because they are beautiful is a nice thought for them.

what we do here in "beginnings" meet those ladies @ work. so, i've been to the bars/go-go bars on outreach with 2 co-workers here. we meet them and talk with them (one lady, Ann speaks thai, so she translates/does PR with the ladies). and we tell them about the english class which we have going at the center. if they are interested they can come down (and it's down-town, so it's handy for them to come to) and learn english in the beginners or the intermediate stages. it's a good time for them to meet with the other ladies and also to build amazing relationships with them. in the bars they are usually quite busy as they have 15 minute "sets" where they dance on stage for 15 minutes and then switch, so most of the conversations are not that long. but, in the english class we have time afterwards to talk with them and to meet their needs (oh, and teach english... haha!).

i've been teaching english for a while now. i am loving the ladies. it's so amazing just be here. i just moved into the center today! and so far so good! i'm getting along with the 3 other ladies whom joined (Kwan, Sai and Pu) as well as the co-worker (Ann) and her daughter (Bebe) and bebe's nanny (Nis). Bonita and Roy, the founders of the place live in their own appartment (which i was looking after while they were gone for the last 2 weeks). Bonita has her masters and Roy has his Ph. D. in cross-cultural affairs (if i'm not mistaken), so it's been amazing to hear some of their knowledge and dig deep into a lot of good literature.

what else has happened? there was a "understanding our children" seminar for one week here in bangkok. i was privileged to go along with everyone else who lives @ the center. it was very insightful and God-lead as it seems like a call on my future. (i will hopefully be taking anthropology classes this coming september... i'll tell you more when i get more details). it was great because it was in thai and english, and it opened my eyes to how childhood development affects people, and how abusive situations have affected the ladies whom i work with tremendously. there was also a session on HIV and AIDS. and we were able to visit a center which works with children who "are victims of commercial sexual exploitation". their work was so great and it was encouraging to see another center with a positive outlook.

that week-end we also went on a missions trip. the ladies currently at the center have been here for 1 year and have a personal relationship with Christ. we all went to a village 1 and 1/2 hours away. we played with the children, taught a little english, played some songs, handed out balloons, played multiple games and gave some food to them. we actually made ice-cream with them. you put flavoured milk (which is all the rage in thailand... kinda funny) in a smaller ziplock bag which you put into a larger ziplock bag that is filled with ice and salt. then you shake until your hearts desire... and voila ice-cream (which quickly turns to liquid in the heat, but it was fun!).

so, those are the main things that have been happening. i have been loving it here and am excited for the life at the center (although i loved spending time with Roy and Bonita...).

some prayer requests. Ann has gull stones right now and is going to have surgery within the next month. they are really bothering her at night and she has to try to sleep sitting up because otherwise she feels as if she is choking (not every night, but most). she is really busy at the center and needs rest to recover from this. so, prayer for a fast recovery and taking enough time off and also just peace. we are also planning a Christmas party for the ladies here in bangkok. prayer that their eyes would be open to the love of Christ through this as well as a successful event. we still need funding for this (i'll give info when i figure all the kinks out... hopefully within a week) but are just really hoping that the ladies will feel Christ's love throughout this whole time. and also for myself. i am going through some visa issues right now (as updated on the blog, danaek.blogspot.com) and would love your prayer. your prayers are felt tremendously here. i thank-you for all the support that you have shown throughout this time and truly appreciate all of the love that i have felt since being here. it is truly amazing.

oh, and i would love to hear from all of you as well! updates are more then amazing. thanks for keeping me posted thus far!

p.s. as of now i am planning on staying here until April 1st and then making my way up to Canada hopefully in mid-April range. (with a couple of stops in between).

visa!

k, so this is kinda rediculous. visas for thailand. can only get 3 tourist visas a year. thinking that i was fine to renew it 2 more times, i non-chalountly told my co-workers when i'll have to renew it by (Nov. 6th). then it dawned on me that we came in and out of thailand twice when i came here w/ ywam. so, basically i won't be allowed into thailand again unless i get a different visa. i will be taking thai, so i can get a student visa no problem, but it takes 3 weeks to process. and i'll be applying tomorrow. it all kinda caught up 'cause roy and bonita were gone and i didn't want to talk about it until they were back (thinking it would be no big deal to go to the border and back). anyways, we're going to see the immigration office tomorrow about it. hopefully i can stay in thailand those 2 weeks under the condition of the "processing paperwork" time to get the student visa, 'cause i will be a student. if that doesn't work, i'll probably have to stay outside the country for those 2 weeks (ann knows a place in cambodia that i could volunteer @) or i could pay the fine that they have if you overstay your visa. it's somewhere inbetween 500-1000 baht/day... which is around 20-40 USD a day. so, anyways, prayers that i could stay in the country would be amazing! with love and prayers.

p.s. things are going very well though. and don't worry, i'm not too stressed i know that it can and will all work out, it's just a matter of how really.

holy spirit

hey everyone. things are going good out here, except the fact that the internet isn't working @ home, so i think that i have become addicted as i am now paying for it... anyways, i've been able to catch up on some reading that i was "assigned". 4 books down, 2 to go! they've all been really good, "trading my sorrows", "the wounded healer", "the Jesus style" and "becoming who God intended". i still have one on trafficing and another on... i forget. anyways, been doing a lot of praying and just being filled w/ the spirit.

i was actually on the train station the otherday and i could barely contain the laughter that was surging out of me. it was so interesting. i would smile, which would turn into a laugh, be suppressed and so on and so forth. many tourists (let alone locals) were looking @ me and thinking that i was weird, but everytime my eyes met with someone else's i would just smile all the broader and start giggling. it was so interesting. i pretended it was my music. but, the whole atmosphere just lifted. ahh, it was fun. but, yeah i'll be surged up for monday... and i am excited to get into the thick of it. i love to hear from you guys. keep me posted!

missions trip

thank-you all for your prayers. they have been guiding and directing me. i've been challenged througout this time here, although enjoying it thouroughly. there always seems to be an element of unknown which not only keeps me on my toes but on my knees as well. this past week-end we had a missions trip. there were 10 of us in total. the ladies (Kwan, Sai and Pu) along with michelle (a lady that has been helping at the center) and ann (the thai leader) with her 2 assistants (a nanny called, Nit and her adopted daughter named Bebe) and her friends fawn and wern all went out to a neighboring town and helped the locals there by playing with the children. we taught them games and showed them how to make icecream by shaking flavoured milk in a bag with ice and salt. i was mainly just having fun with the kids, playing volleyball with them when i could and blowing ballons while just crouching down and talking with the little ones. it was really fun and exciting to see everyone outside of the normal elements of life. while we were traveling along we stoped to see a marigold farm. there were flowers everywhere. it was so beautiful. i couldn't believe it.

this week that roy and bonita are still gone will be rather relaxing. lots of prayer as well as indepth reading (which i was assigned to when they left). i am also looking into universities for when i come back home. prayer for this would be much appreciated. i believe that i will focus on social/cultural anthropology and am starting the application process for the universities already. prayer for guidence would be much appreciated.

still prayer for perseverance even when things become tough. increased wisdom amoung the ladies is something i am praying for now as well. thank-you so much.

there's not a day that goes by when i do not think about you. thank-you for your support and your love through this time. i am praying for you and thank-you for your prayers as well.

living and learning

where to start? okay, things have been good. learning lots of culture and still about myself (does that ever end?!) and absolutely falling in love with everything!

roy and bonita left this sat. for the states as they are doing some fundraising and such. so, i'm holding down fort. their house is a 25 min walk away from the center, a lovely walk in the morning (of course there's all the markets and pollution and hustle and bustle... the busyness kinda reminds me of christmas shopping back at home, but i love it!)

this week we are taking a confrence that's called "understanding our children". we were sponsored by one of our contacts to go. the information is very helpful, even though it is not directly related to our field of work right now. there are some issues that deal with abused children and children trafficing as well. so, it's very interesting.

i am learning some thai as well. it's quite fun actually. and, they already assigned a thai name for me. you say it deun (raising your voice at the end). it means "moon" (which is kinda cool 'cause i found out danae means "morning star"... kinda related). also cool 'cause i'm a morning and night person, not the middle of the day.

anyways, thailand is amazing. if you ever wanted to travel, come here. honestly! the pollution is bad, it's crowded, there are prostitutes everywhere, but it's real life! the people are amazing. the food is great. the weather is hot (so nice!). cheep clothes, skytrains which are fast and efficient. massage parlors every corner. and almost everything is inexpensive. these are just some things that i have fallen to love with.

God is so good. and i thank-you all for your prayers. you've been such an encouragement.

DK

"House of New Beginnings"

They help Thai prostitute women by giving them an opportunity to get off the streets of Bangkok. 95% of tourism in Thailand is due to the sex industry, with a large amount of Thailand's GDP coming from this. Thai women can be forced into these situations for multiple reasons, but as 95% of Thais are Buddhist, the main reason is for women to attain merit for the "next life", by being able to support their family financially. Thai men have a different option as they can become monks to gain merit for their family that way. Unfortunately this does not help the family's financial situation and since women can gain a much higher wage by going into prostitution as oppose to finishing high school, prostitution is the path that is usually taken by Thai women. There are girls that are younger then 10 years old in prostitution (and can be over 40 as well). Although prostitution is illegal in Thailand, most of the bars that the women are working in are owned by Police officials so there is nothing actively being done about it.

"House of New Beginnings" helps the women to not only get off the street, but help with their education and working through the mental and emotional struggles that these women have gone through. They provide housing for the women (when they choose to get off the street) and a new life for these women to start. Currently there are 3 Thai ladies in the center, and 2 long-term staff as well as a thai assitant. This smaller atmosphere also helps so that I will be able to try out new things and have an input into how to reach out to the ladies. The 2 long term staff (Roy and Bonita) are from California, over 40 and headed up the ministry 3 years ago. I am really excited to be able to work with them, they seem very nice and genuine in this ministry.

I will working alongside both of them. So, I will be meeting the ladies in the bars and massage parlours and such. I will also be teaching english, as that is how they get to know the ladies better induvidually. They teach basic english and learn more about their life stories and talk about God throughout most of it.

Roy and Bonita are also involved in many other organizations here in Bangkok and I am more then excited to learn from them and their outlook on ministry and life. They both have masters and have such great outlooks on major themes in life, so thank the Lord that I am where I am. I could ask for nothing more.

Thank-you so much for your prayers they have really guided me through the stressful times already... honestly

landed

safe and sound here @ home (for the time) Thailand!!

here are the highlights so far.

the bus that i was going to take to the airport was late, like 45 minutes (to the point that i was afraid that i'd miss my flight) so i told the general manager of the company that i needed a solution to get to the airport because i needed to catch my flight, and i eventually got driven to the airport, with a little bit of time to spare.

met an amazing israeli couple, probably in their 40s, with a daughter who's 3 years old on the plane from jordan to bangkok. Albi (their daughter) and i spent the whole flight from amman, jordan to abu dabi, United Arib Emirates playing... it was so fun. they gave me their address and said that if i ever went back to israel that i could stay with them.

landed in bangkok, took a taxi to my home for now. and, it turns out that the place that roy and bonita live in is absolutely amazing. it has a pool and a work-out center and is just amazingly spacious, and it's such a blessing. so, i'll be living there for now, although I plan on living with the ladies for most of my stay out here. I really want to go head in, and this will be a nice break-in, but hopefully I can spend even more time with the ladies, by living at the house.

Roy and Bonita are leaving for the USA on Saturday, so i'll be looking after the place on my own for 2 weeks, probably spending quite a bit of time at the center ("Home of New Beginnings") and just praying for the time ahead. it will be nice to also have time to get to know the surroundings, it's quite safe actually... although i probably won't go out at night on my own yet.

i also saw bonita finishing up an english class, and met the women that were there. it was really cool to see some faces of people i will be working with for the next 6 months! it was also cool to see how bonita does english classes as i will be taking over a lot of that responsiblitly... as it looks now.

while bonita and ann(the secretary/everything of the office) talked with some of the ladies about their next assignments, roy and i went out for coffee and talked about so much of what the prostitues have gone through, and not only that but just so much of thai's outlook on society and how that has changed the way that people act personally. it was so interesting. for example, a lot of thai culutre is about "saving face". so, that would mean that you have to present yourself in such a way that people see you as respectable. if you would talk loudely in a store, you look rude. but, if you have deep troubles (like after going through prostitution), a lot of the time it is looked down upon to address because you look weak and then loose respect. there are lots of examples, but those are just the ones i could think of.

but, yeah, things are going good.

tomorrow

hey everyone. i'm leaving for thailand tomorrow. it's been a good last couple of days, just getting ready (mentally more then anything) to go. thank-you for all the love and support already and just for being there for me.

jordan's been good. just chilling here in amman and waiting to go to thailand. i've been haning out w/ the New Zealand snowboarders Y school as they are doing their outreach in Amman, Jordan. so, it's been nice to see how they are doing and enjoying every moment with them.

i'm excited/nervous/don't know what to think about tomorrow. just prayers for safety as i will be traveling all day and then from the airport to the house on my own... it will be during the day, but still i just want things to go relatively smoothly. i'm @ peace about all of it, and am just learning what it truly is to lie in Jesus' arms and allow him to lead and guide me, yet taking initiative on where to go. things are working out well, and even though i become anxious, i know that it will all be okay. this is mainly to your prayers, and i truly want to thank-you all from the bottom of my heart, saying i could not be doing this without your support.

with thoughts and love

amman

hey, amman jordan's pretty good. i'm safe and well. we went to petra, one of the 7 wonders of the world, as they carved their trading center city into the rock... it's absolutely amazing. 50 meter tall buildings, carved out of rock, in 1BC... amazing. we also went to a Wadi (valley), by the city called "Wadi Rum" and stayed the night under the desert stars. it's amazing.

i'm off to thailand on the 7th. so soon! thanks for all your prayers and support.

on the run

hey everyone. first of all, i miss you guys. i hope that school and work and home and play is all going well back in (mainly) canada. anyways, things are pretty good. i'm in tel aviv, israel leaving for jordan tomorrow. the whole thai visa thing is annoying as the visas that i wanted didn't work out. the businness visa has too much red tape behind it to even see it, so i'll just be going on a tourist visa and then, if i take any thai classes i could get a different visa with it. the only thing is that it costs quite a bit of money, and it also depends if it is worth learning thai for the time that i will be there, as it will only be 1/2 a year as things are looking right now. but, anyways, i would love your prayers on clarification of what i should do in that regards, and as i travel jordan for safety and a great time!

love all of you

p.s. i just got facebook, so if you want to look me up, please do!

israel.

israel is amazing. it seems as though i've seen so much and been so busy trying to take everything in... it's been so great. we were in tel aviv for the first couple of days and then since that the rubber has hit the road in jerusalem. we've been to the dead sea, the mount of beatitudes, the (two spots) of Christ crucifiction, down the "via delarosa" (the walk that Jesus took with the cross), shindler's grave (from shindler's list), and so much else. it's just so amazing to be here. everytime i think about it i just can't believe it. it's been a dream and a desire of mine so long, and i never fully thought that it could happen... and now here i am. thank-you Lord. it's just absolutely mindblowing. thank-you all so much for your support throughout this whole time. your prayers have guided and allowed me to come this far. they mean so much to me, and just the thoughts and the cares you have for me are so great. i want to thank-you all from the bottom of my heart. and to remember that my thoughts are with you and i really care about all of you. thanks.

cambodia down!

hey everyone! things are good out here in Cambodia. we were working with a church, teaching english for the first week. it was good, although i got sick the first couple of days.

the next week we were working with an organization called "Campuse Crusade". We basically would talk to different students about what they beleived and everything. it was probably the most challenging ministry time ever, because i was sick and because i find that ministry kind of frustrating at times.

and today we went to Angkor Wat... it was amazing. it was 6 hrs. drive from Phnom Phen, but it was alright. it was totally worth it!

anyways, i gtg. but, i'm meeting the people that i am going to hopefully stay with in Thailand in 2 days, so that is rather stressful. and, then we are meeting the rest of the school in about a week. so, it's all closing in to an end so fast. so, i kinda am getting nervous about the whole thing, but i know that it'll all work out and be okay.

i actually just bought my ticket for thailand! it is official, i'm actually going.

thailand in a nutshell...

hey everyone.

okay, here's what has happened lately... we've been here for about two and a half weeks right now, and it was so great!

first we were helping with the Thailand YWAM confrence by looking after their children. this was very nice. i loved the children, and fell in love with a couple of them... only to leave them a few days later. there was a girl, named Ann, who was not very impressed to be there in the beginning. she was not participating, and when i tried to talk to her, she would just glare @ me. but, the next day, we actually hit it off. i would hang out with her a lot, because there were quite a bit of workers for the amount of children, so there was time for one on one interaction. we hit it off. she would draw what i would draw. we did everything together, even though she wanted to be very independant.

it was also a nice break as we were in a nice hotel and i met a lot of amazing contact people for thailand. i am almost certain that i will be coming back to thailand now after my DTS. it seems rather intense as the people that i have contacted to work with in thailand still haven't given me the total okay, but it seems rather promising. i am not worried at all about it, i am actually amazingly at peace about it. but, prayers would always be helpful in knowing the certain direction where God is leading me, and that i would be submissive to his calling.

what else? after the confrence in Chaing Rai we went to a neighboring city called Chaing Mai and stayed with our leaders friends. our leaders, nate and wendy green, had stayed in thailand for 1/2 a year a while back, and stayed near this missionary couple. the 3 days that we stayed there were amazing. it was very relaxing as it was our holiday time. we actually had time to go and ride elephants and go river rafting on a bamboo raft! it was something absolutley unreal. i went on the neck of the elephant and guided it for a while... so cool!

after that we were off to a small town called Mea Sau to work with an organization called "Akha Training Center". there are 430 Akha children here. the Akha people are a displaced people group who have no rights anywhere. they can not go to school, get a job, or go to a hospital. because of this they can get into prostiution, or drugs or something else just to make any money. so this organization takes them out of these troubled spots, and allows them to get a better education and real life. the children were amazing. we taught some english as well as did some practical work. i loved all of it, even though the living conditions were quite different... anyways, i love you all and miss you too.

flippin islands!

hey everyone! things are pretty good here in the philippian islands. we are about to leave tomorrow, so we had to cram a couple of cultural things in before we went.

first things first, we just came back from being on a small island, in a "town" called Cawilan (which had electricity, amazingly enough!). it was awesome. we stayed with a couple (Arnel and his wife Dandan) and their 2 children (Davie and Daniel). we helped them with ministry times that they had, which included going to a neighboring town (on a different island) called Opong. here they are trying to reach out to the town as they do not have any biblical base. they actually have a lot in the area for a church eventually. they have been reaching to the Opong town for 2 years now, making significant progress. there is a lot of spritual warfare in the area, and this was probably the most challenging time spiritually so far.

the time in the islands was very challenging, but amazing to experience. the first day i was there i became rather sick, and i am almost back up to par now. there was no running water in the house, and also no fans. we were in the heat of the day, and the heat of the night. i slept on the ground (on my sleeping mat)... it was just really different then the other places we have been now. but, we were really able to become apart of the culture through the family experience as well as the food and such. it was really an amazing time.

anyways, back to our recent cultural experiences... i ate balut yesturday. if you don't know what balut is, i will try to explain without almost puking! it is a baby duck or chicken (duck in this case) which, in filipino culture, is cooked before hatched and eaten like this. i ate half of it... but i did it! it was so intense. that's about as far as i can go culturally man! we also had some halahala today which is some type of crushed ice with jellys and other fruit and vegetables and powdered milk... it's a filipino dessert, which is very different... but good to experience.

the time here was very good, but hard at the same time. it was spritually challenging and physically challenging, but very productive. thank-you all so much for your prayers.

missing you

hi everyone. i just wanted to say hi. i hope that you are all doing well. i miss you a lot. although things are going well out here, my heart still reaches across the oceans to all of you. especially the family. i hope that you're enjoying the strawberry milkshakes and long days on the fields... the pizza fridays and the numerous family gatherings. and for the friends... i hope that you're enjoying the concerts (no matter how awkward they may be), the new adventures, and the long summer days. miss you guys!

philippines!

the philippines are amazing! i absolutely love them! there was a little bit of culture shock from the beginning as this was the first third world country that i have been to. fiji was, but it didn't seem too bad out there. anyways, we landed in manila, on the main island of the philippines. we stayed there a night, and saw a lot of slums there. it was really quite sad as they are rummaging through the rubbish of the skyscraper buildings. there seems to be so much corruption here. it seems as though everyone wants more money, believing that this will in turn give them the satisfactions they have been longing for. it's just so sad to see.

we are like gods out here. and it's really sad 'cause the filipinos are amazing, but they just don't seem proud of their culture, and always wanting something more. wheter that be money or race change or something. everytime someone says "you're so beautiful." i try to say something like, "well at least i'm not alone! you are too!" (to the ladies of course... haha!)

what else? we've been hanging out with kids a lot, and i love that. i went to the market the other day, and i absolutely loved it! we saw the mayor of sarigao (where we are staying now). so, that was really cool. hopefully i can update this more later. no time right now!

bula (hello, in Fijian)

hello everyone. fiji is awesome! i love it. right after we got off the plane in Nadi airiport we were rushed off to Lautoka where they had already started training on the "Pacific Link Auckland" ship that we spent the whole week working on. we soon felt at home on the boat, tucking all our belongings in a small locker and sleeping in and 8 roomed bunk bed style living quarters.

the very next day we set sail for an island called Waya island. while we were there we met a lot of the village people of Natawa on the first couple of days. we were checking their eyes (the optometry team is the one that i was on), and giving out glasses the the people whom needed them. they were so greatfull. we also made 2 bridged for the local people, as well as put up 2 plastic water storing houses, to catch the rainwater from the 2 churches there. we also painted the church building and taught the children about brushing their teeth (giving them toothbrushes and toothpaste), and some of the mothers on the team (there were 2 other families on the team and then quite a bit of individuals on the boat as well) helped teach the parents about nutrition.

it was really encouraging when we would be asked over for meals at people's houses. we stayed at this one ladie's house for lunch after the church service on sunday.

we also went to 2 other towns in the same area. the one place was called Yalombi (silent Y) and Nambara. we did the optometry in that area as well... so if you ever ask yourself, "where do donated glasses go?", they go to people that are in need, and do not have the chance to go get their eyes checked or the means to do so.

Nambara was probably my favorite place, even though we were there for only 2 days. i say this because on of my fellow peirs and i were able to stay at one of the Nambara people's houses for the night. they were SO hospitable it is amazing. we ate there, and experienced their way of living. they have 6 children (ranging from age 6-19), and they all lived in the same house. all the children slept in the same room (Suzanne and i slept in the lounge area. and there was one other room that served as the master bedroom, dining room and kitchen. it was such a neat experience. suzanne and i got a little freaked out when we saw a spider bigger then the size of an adult male's fist (including the legs)... but other then that and the bed bug bites that we have now, we seem to be doing fine.

the ship was good overall, and i loved just being apart of a "crew".

anyways, we are in Lautoka right now, which is on the main island of Fiji. we will be staying here for a couple of days (until the 14th), and then we are off to Philippines! we do not have any set plans yet as to what we will be doing, but we'll find out sooner then later!

p.s. prayer points is just for energy, safe travels and constant Unity of the team. thank-you so much for your prayers already and i hope that this finds you all very well.

starting to go... soon

hey everyone. things are going well out here in new zealand. i'm only going to be here for 6 more days! ahh... it's so insaine! but, things are going rather well. we just have to keep on getting ready, start packing. i have all the items that i'm going to need right now (or so i think), but it's going to be amazing!

i love you all. miss you tones. and i hope that you are all doing well.

finances

hey, just to let you all know about our financial situation as a school. we still need 30,000$ as a whole school. although all of my fees are paid, i was wondering if you could just keep us in your prayers in this regard. it seems to be affecting certain induviduals rather severly, such as my ourreach leaders (nate and wendy green). so, if you could pray, or if you want to help in any way, just let me know by e-mail (danaekrahn@gmail.com), and i will give you more detailed instructions of how to donate. thanks so much for your prayers guys!

an exert from my journal

thank-You. thank-You for... everything. the beauty of Your love for me is beyond my comprehension. and although every ounce of my being desires to fathom the extent of Your love and passion to have me fully, body , mind and soul; i will never, never understand. for if You are love and every other person can only re-iderate and copy the essense of Your very being into an atribute so that we can feasibly relate to You in human form, then no I will never be able to comprehend Your love.

there are works of Your love all around us. showing that indeed this indescribable and umcomprehensible personality and entierty of Yourself is in fact true. So true that each person can go as indepth as they desire on major issues of life and still have to let some questoins go unanswered, in hopes that someone else will later find these answers. this is their hope for we all look for answers, believing that the answers will reviel truth. But, in fact when we do believe something from someone elses observation, we are believing something that we do not see, but trust completely that the other person has seen this.

Which leads me to wonder, how do we trust someone whom is not whole and whom does not have the true fullness that we are looking for? maybe it is that in fact we beleive that since we are all searching for a common ground that this is what bonds us to finding the truth.

but the problem is we are all seraching. we are searching and realating everything into human terms. things that cannot be realated, defined and rationalized the way we wanted. yet we worship these things convincing ourselves that if we would understnad a little bit more that this would in fact hold the answers.

still @ the end we do not have all the answers written down and simplified to our minds. which leads us to the questoin, what if this cannot be simplified? what if our lives and the lives around us are in fact part of something larger then what the eye can see, the ear can hear, the touch can feel and the mind can fathom? if that was the case, would we be able to swallow our pride and believe? believe in this truth that although we cannot fully understand, we can beleive. knowing within the depths of our being that this is truth and allowing our answers to point to that.

where is right?

well, the church serving week went well. but, now that it's back to "real life" i've been beginning to understand so much more. so much in the spiritual rehlm, so much in the personal rehlm and so much more in general. it's good to finally be discerning through God. to have his heart. and, i'm really hopeing that this will keep on going.

thailand's been on my heart a lot lately. and, as excited as i am, i really want all of this to be God breathed. i don't want to go to thailand and try to do things by myself. it just won't work then. so, i just want to be discerning in this area, to let God lead... and to know that he will.

anyways, just wanted to say hi, and this is where i'm @.

DK

what shall i eat next?

hey everyone. things seem to be going well out here. it's really interesting as how kiwi families work. also, we are in our outreach teams this week, so it's quite fun to learn about how outreach may look like. i really enjoy the group that i'm in and think that it's going to be rather exciting, when the rubber hits the road.

what else? the sermon went well. i actually loved fear factor. i ate so much increadible stuff! i joined a team. first thing i had to do was eat an entire onion by myself. no worries. then the next i had to eat kidney and heart i believe. i downed that sucker! first one to finish... along with this smoothy that kinda tasted like chilly... but was not @ all. anyways, the youth and i had a great time! along with the other ywamers (which didn't too much)

what else? i am going to be leading worship on tuesday. oh ya i guess i didn't say that. i am in the worship team at the base, rotationally. and this tuesday it's my turn to lead. i'm kinda nervous about it mainly 'cause of the lack of prep time with others. but, i do think that it will be alright. got a little song list ready. so, i think that it'll be alright.

umm, ya things are good, and i hope they are the same w/ you!

church serving week

hey everyone. if i'm not responding to your e-mails this week it's b/c we are on chruch serving week. we are in a small New Zealand town called "Leestown". it seems to be going well. we're working on the new shed that will be used as a youth center later on. and we have been working with the youth quite a bit as well. it's interesting to get to know them, and really fun to just be apart of their community. we are doing a fear factor night on friday and i will be giving a 5 minute "sermon" for around 80 people. we also shared with a smaller group yesturday, around 50 kids, and each of the ywamers said their testimony. it went really well.

during this week we are staying with a NZ family. it's awesome! they're dairy farmers and i woke up on tuesday to go out milking. it was so cool! we got all the cows in to do the milking, and we got everything organized for the automatic milking system. it was so worth doing! and the family kind of reminds me of home. it's so interesting!

see ya later!

thank-you all!

hey everyone. just wanted to tell you that i think about you often, and miss you too.

things are pretty good out here. i'm really enjoying it. but, i would love to ask for your prayers for this next time. i would like your prayers for thailand... and where God wants me to go there. just that he would be able to show me what he wants, and that this will be able to really fill me up for God. to be totally open and willing to hear from him. because i know that if i will focus on the outcome, rather then what place would be best for me, that i would not be prosporus. so, i just hope that i'll be able to just be submissive to God's will for me in the next steps.

anyways, i love you all and hope that you are all doing well. keep me posted on how you are doing.

with love,

DK

p.s. thank you so much for your prayers already!

thailand... here i come!

hey everyone. sorry about the lack of communication, i took one week off of the internet and then i've used it only on limited things afterwards.

anyways, so my week off the internet went rather well. it was really intense as the speaker was Mark Parker, and although that name doesn't ring any bells, i believe that he is the representative for YWAM in New Zealand. anyways, he is in his 50s and has more eneregy then i do! he was so amazing... he was speaking on the topic of "Lordship". basically the focus was on God that week, and how mighty he is and how much we should do for him. it was just really eye opening, and amazing to see different things that God wanted me to give up for him this week, so i would be totally focused on his mission for my life.

speaking about life missions, my travel itinerary wasn't working to go to South America. I would have had to paid an extra 500NZ$ just to go as far down as central america, and then i would have had to make my own travel plans to go any farther down into south america, bringing extra costs. so, i was really seeking what i should be doing, asking God, and looking at my own intrests. the whole south america thing wasn't sitting right with me lately anyways, and so i was open to whatever. i began to have this large impression that i should go to Thailand afterwards. so, i prayed about it, and recieved this overwhelming peace about it. so, as of now, my plans are to travel back to thailand after our outreach (at my own expense, which is fine as i would have been paying around the same amount anyways anywhere else i had to travel due to the limited milage on the around the world ticket). i will be going there for 6 months... so it's going to be quite a commitment... but i have a peace about it. so, unless God says anything different, that's where i'll be going!

other details, we finish school on the 20th of sept. then i will be traveling to jordan on the 22nd (we'll hopefully go on a camel caravan!) and staying there for 5 days. almost everyone from our school is going there after we're finished. then i will hopefully be going to egypt to see the pyramids. i am quite excited for that! the reason i say hopefully is because this is overland travel, and so things could be flexible depending on all the variables of travel. after that i will be traveling back to Amman, Jordan and then flying out to thailand. i'll probably just relax for just over a week to catch my breath. after that i am open to ideas. i'm looking into contacts out there right now as a couple of my friends have either been to thailand or know some people out there right now. and, if anyone has some other info regarding thailand, or has any contacts, i would be more than happy to hear them! hopefully i will be able to work with people regarding helping children either get out of the sex trade (or child trafficing), or work in preventing kids getting into the trade in the first place. as an outreach team we will be going to thailand, and we will be working with a company called "Children of the Golden Triangle." they are a Christian organization that works to prevent children getting into the sex trade industry. they do this by taking them out of risk situations, which children would be picked up off the street and traded into thailands sex industry. this sex industry is a huge problem with thailand, as their main tourism income is based on this demand. children are taken for the trade for various reasons, but can range from ages of 8 until 18... so it's pretty intense.

anyways, i'll update you more when things get a little more settled. but, i am here and doing rahter well.

it's time to travel baby!

hey everyone! it seems like so much has happened lately that i don't know where to begin...

well other than all of the friends that i'm making, it seems to be quite the time to spend with God as well. it's really intense most of the time, but it's nice 'cause then everything seems to be getting out in the open. it's so nice to get everything out in the open, deal with everything, and then be able to move on and really listen to God and what he wants.

sooo, i'm going out to the ASIA PACIFIC! so, i'll be hitting up fiji, phillipines, thailand and cambodia... then ending in isreal. i'm so pumped about it! it's going to be soo awesome. and, the people that i will be going with are alyssa, this other 18 yr old canadian chick that's pretty sweet. we're getting along pretty well, and it's good to have another canadian on the team. then there's this girl val. she's awesome! i'm getting along with her really well, and we may travel afterwards... we'lll see! then there's this guy called andres who is nice. i haven't really gotten to know him very well yet, but i like how he questions a lot of things, and is really inquisitive. it's really good to have a different, bolder outlook. then there's suzanne! now SHE is sweet. i love that girl. probably because she is from alaska, but you know. j/k. she's just so chill and really nice all around. those are the guys on the outreach. then there's nate and wendy, a married couple that will be leading our group. i'm really looking forward to it. it'll just take a while to get to know them... as the dynamics of the base are a little different for them. wendy's not with us all the time. she's the registrar, so i don't see her that much. but it seems to be alright. i mean i talked to both of them about their outlook on the outreach and what was going to be going on... how open they'd be with us and everything. it seems to be really good. so, i'm really pumped about it!

after we found out about our outreach destination we also were told about the around the world ticket that we will be recieving with it. so, basically with my ticket i will have 3 stops in europe and then 6 stops in central and north america. anyways, we have to have all of our desitnations in by this thursday, so the 26th. long story short, i'm probably going to greece and then traveling some other places in europe until the 15th of october. then after that i'll be going to south america with this funny german bro called christoph. we're still trying to find another person to join us... so we'll see where we go from there. but, i have a lot of peace about it all. God's just totally doing a number to me on that one. it's just faith! and, it's pretty nice. alright, so in mid october i'll be going to south america, and then travel up through central america into the states and then travel to new zealand afterwards. we're not sure about the time line yet, but that's the plan so far. so, it looks really good and i hope that it'll all work out the way that God wants it too...

a huge theme for me lately has been kids. i really am enjoying them here, and we'll see where God wants me to go, but we were having this world awareness night out here, and we were talking about people traficing. mainly it's in the area of the sex industry, and my heart just lept out for these kids/young adults that are going through all of this! we'll see what God wants in the end, but i'm totally willing to do whatever he's calling me to do... no set plans yet!

africa, asia... is it all the same?

hey guys, so i would just like your prayers/thoughts if you have time. the options for the outreach came in and since this is such a small school there were only 3 options compared to the 6 options that we were shown on the internet. although i thought that i was originally going to go to south america, it seems like to be a hard option (as we won't be going there). anyways, our options are africa (south africa, kenya, uganda, morocco), asia pacific (fiji, philippines, thailand, cambodia) or central asia (hong kong/china, india, oman, yeman). all of these will be ending up in israel. so, i would just love clarity in this area. i think that i'll probably be going to the asia pacific, but we'll see what actually's going to happen. i just am kinda worried about it all.

Not perfection, reality

wow! God is actually working here. it's amazing. this is so much more than i expected. i'm really finding some meaning here. nothing's perfect yet, but i don't know if that's what i'm looking for. i'm not looking for fake perfection. i'm looking for real answers. real life. reality itself. and, although this is a false environment it's really helping me to understand whom i am and where i'm at right now. to understand how i can better others. and to focus on the bigger picture of life, while dealing with my own issues. i have found more love for others. and i am really beginning to understand more of life. it's hard, but it's really good! really good. i would love to hear from you all!

whoa, surreal!

hey guys... life's still going well out here. it's a small school w/ high expectations... and i'm really happy to be here. i guess that it's life that's all. but, life seems to be more like a whirlwind then anything. issues are coming up, and i'm not the social butterfly that i usually am (which may be due to the fact that there are the same amount of people from my high school as there is in the whole town of oxford). but, i'm doing surprisingly well. i mean, it's just the fact that i know i should be here. and, that's all i need right now. God wants me to be here... and that's the truth. so, here i am. it still seems surreal, but i guess that's alright. okay i'll talk to you guys later... play safe and have fun. e-mail if you have time!

p.s. i'll try to put on some pics when i have time ian!

here i am!

alright so, i arrived yesturday to rainy oxford new zealand. it's a nice quaint place... w/ the metropolis only being about 1,400 people. i kinda thought that may be a problem as i like to spread my wings and fly out to meet absolutely everyone... but for now i think that this is where i should be. i should make some closer, meaningful friends. so, i'm kinda excited about that. this is life right now. and, i think that i'll be alright 'cause i just have a feeling that this is right where God wants me. and i should focus on that adjenda more than my own more of the time. so, here i am and there will be no complaining! haha...

so, it's easter sunday out here and as happy as i am to celebrate it... i'm going to miss the supper with my family today. i hope that it's going to be a good family dinner minus me!

so, there are 15 students out here, and 6 staff. so, it seems to be rather small! ya, so there are 6 girls in one room (i'm in that room) and then there are 4 in a different room. and then there's a 5 boys room as well. it seems rather nice, and we're all in one house. so, it's kinda intense. oh, and another thing that i found rather funny is that everyone packed tones of stuff! like, i mean i thought that we were only allowed one backpack and then a carry-on. so, that's what i brought, but people were hauling out the suitcases and all the such... i just thought that it was kinda funny!

anyways, the base is pretty small and there is a church right next to it... which is small as well. everything is so quaint! it's going to be awesome. yesturday was a bit overwhelming but it seems to be dieing down right now. the beginning jitters are becoming more stable and i'm beginning to become comfortable. thanks for all the love and i hope that everyone else's easter is going well too!

have a good one... and keep me posted i have pretty liberal amounts of time that i can be on the internet, so just e-mail away!

it's school time

i'm here and i'm safe. and i'm a little bit overwhelmed... but it's all good. i'll write you back later when i can put more energy into it.

neon water?

hey everyone... now where did i leave off... oh ya me going to rotorua (that's how it's spelt... haha!). ya, so i came on the nakedbus... and there were only a handfull of us on the bus, which was quite funny itself. so, as i was getting off the busdriver said, rotorua always smells like rotten eggs b/c of the sulphur geysers that are known for this town. it was quite funny, 'cause i'm here for 3 days and all i can smell is rotten eggs... kinda like my mb home! (j/k)

alright, so i thought rather than just sitting around and doing nothing... i'll go zorbing! it was awesome it's basically like a person in a hampster cage... except w/ a little more padding on the zorb than just plastic. alright, so i went w/ a guy and a girl (girl from toronto, dana, really cool!... and 18 too!). anyways, we put water in the zorb, and basically we were pushed off of this hill to tumble down in this thick plastic contraption. it was so fun! and so weird... totally kiwi like. (people call newzealanders kiwis... so, i'm joining the bandwagon) anwyays, that was my first day.

oh, and i'm staying at this place called "Funky Green Voyager" it's the best hostel that i've ever been at. i love it. there's so much character and there's also so much life to the place. if you have time look it up... i'm not sure how much info you'll get but it's my fav. place ever! i actually would love to own a place like that... seriously!

what else? i went on a long walk yesturday. it was nice, nothing really compared to greatness, but it was nice. everything out here is pretty expensive, so it's rather annoying... oh well! i also went to see a geyser today. i thought that if i'm here i may as well see a geyser. so, i went. it was cool again. but, nothing oh wow! but, some of the places have really interesting colors of water because of this sulphur... i mean like neon water! and, there were mud pools that were boiling. all the water just seems to boil. it kinda reminds me of when frodo falls head first into that swamp... that's what it reminds me of. kinda creepy but rather unique.

so, i'm off tomorrow afternoon... going straight to christchurch, and straight to the YWAM base as of now. i'm pretty excited. talk to you guys later!

missing you guys... just a little

hey dawite, nice to hear from you! no i would've been fine from the fish, don't worry i'm pretty tough... haha! how are you guys back at home? kume how are you? i read your card every day...

i'm getting a little homesick as you can see. i guess that's part of life, and i'll be tough enough to stick it through, it's just that i miss you guys... all of you and i wanted you to know that.

other than that things are alright though. i arived in auckland (NZ) today. and, as i was planning out the rest of my trip... all the good deals seemed to disapear. so, this was rather frustrating. so frustrating. ahh well, you live and you learn, and now i know to look for good deals when i have the chance. so, ya i'm going to rataruo tomorrow (not sure if that's the exact spelling... but oh well i'll switch it when i know for sure). i'm going on a bus line called nakedbus.com. it looks pretty good, and i thought that everyone would like the name! haha (i have no idea why they would name it that... but non the less it's funny). alright i'll stop my rambling. everythings going relatively well. feeling a bit run down lately. prayers would be much appreciated. just remember that i'm thinking of you guys... even though i'm across the world...

this little piggy went to the market...

so... the snorkling experience later turned out to be a burning experience as well. here i am red... and i wouldn't change it for the world. it was such a great expereince.

alright so i went to the market on saturday. it was really cool. there were all these shops and so much variety as well. they would sell fruit and vegies and then they would be selling jewlery and so forth. anyways, i bought a sarong and it's absolutely gorgeous. it's purple w/ white designes all over it... ya. that was really fun.

oh i almost forgot! i broke open a coconut w/ my friend ann out here. it was so fun. we had to hust it and crack it open and then we drank the milk and ate the coconut. it was one of the best experiences ever! ever! ann's really nice too. she's scotish and 30+. oh, it's just fun to meet so many people out here. i mean someone from everywhere. mainly english people though... as i guess they rack in the pounds ($).

what else? i went out to church this morning. really amazing experience. everyone was wearing white... and the singing! ahh i could have died right then and there. it was just out of this world. anyways, i could go on and on... but maybe tomorrow. hope that you're doing all doing well... i still want to hear from you.

oh the places you'll go

hey everyone. alright, so if i have enough time i'm going to write... a lot. first off, i am doing well and safe and more than fine! it's utterly amazing out here.

alright, first the stop over in Los Angeles. it was too long, but very cool to think that i was in a different country. it was fun... i went down to this fishing area. called Fishermans Village. it was cool. there were too many ships to even think of. all the while i was thinking... i'm in California! the place where spanish is the second language and where there are 7 digits on the licence plates b/c of the overwhelming amounts of people. it was sweet.

then i slept, after my 9 hr. layover the whole way to... Tahiti! i had no idea that i was going to have a layover there... but i did. it was about 20 C and beautifully humid. i loved it. short but sweet (maybe for the best as i hear it's rather expensive)

so, after that i couldn't sleep. it was insaine! i mean i was just in tahiti. oh, and fyi "Air NZ" is awesome. they are just the best airline ever. ask me to elaborate later.

so, now i am here. being raratonga, the main island of the 17 islands in the cook islands. it's amazing. the people are so nice, and the views! oh my lands... i just think that i am falling in love w/ the beaches (i mainly put that there to freak out my mom... did it work?!) haha. anyways, no it really is utterly amazing. i am situated on this amazing hostel w/ the beach right there and tones of new and fun people. they're so friendly... and it's nice 'cause it's a small island so, i can't really get lost. anyways, yesturday was my first day. and, i was kinda getting the feeling that this was going to be a rather a) relaxing time and b) a not to know what to do with all the time i have kind of deal. but, after i did all the lounging around i could do... i began to see what was out there. and am i glad i did! yesturday i went to this island dancing. they danced the cook island traditional dances there and it was just amazing to see it all! it was just so amazing. i mean there are these people druming faster than you can think.... and these dances that you don't know how people can move their hips that fast. ahh! i just love the culture.

today i had one of the best times of my life. i went snorkling. it was amazing. and what was even more cool is that i went on my own. it was like this huge event for me. i was out for at least 3 hrs. just snorkling. the fist fish that i saw almost attacked me. so, that was eventful. and i was almost going to even leave then. but, i didn't and stuck it through and it was just so cool to see all the diff. types of fish... oh i could go on for hours. non the less it was so cool! the people are nice, the time is awesome and i'm probably going to go out tonight as well.

oh, there's also fresh fruit right around the corner for 50 cents a fruit... i'm in a TROPICAL ISLAND!!!!! guys, this is just amazing.

thanks for all your support and let me know how you guys are doing. even though i'm across the world it doesn't mean that my thoughts are not w/ you. play safe!

Safe landing!

hey everyone. just wanted to tell you all that i am in rarotonga right now and doing exceptionally well. made a couple of friends, one's from Finland and multiple from England... such sweet accents. anywanys, just wanted to let you know that i am safe and sound and hopefully i can actually do a real entry later!

is this goodbye, or simply see you later?

Before i forget... here's my address in NZ

PO Box 47, Oxford, North Canterbury 7443, New Zealand

i am going to miss you all. i had a good time out here, and although it was short, it was well worth it.

i am emotionally, mentally and physically drained right now. but, i suppose that this is what life does to you. i want to live it to the fullest and yet become more drained in doing so. i think that a lot of it has to do with myself. i mean here i am living, trying to make me happy through what i do. but even more than that i try to portray the perfection that i so desire, to others in hope that they see me as what i want to be. and yet this is more draining then being whom you want to become. i hope that God will use this experience for me. i want to learn what He wants me to learn... but more than that i want to be vulnerable enough to experience it.

understanding does not mean agreeing

why do we do this to ourselves? why do we put ourselves through this pain that we do not necessarily need? i believe it is because we want to express ourselves. and this is an expression of whom i am. i've always wanted one, and not only that... i want to acknowledge that this point in my life was valid.... let me explain.

to those of you whom say,"You may not like that tattoo in 10 years", you are right. i do not have the answer to whether or not i will like this tattoo for my whole life. but, this is an expression of me, right now. and, although i will change and i will become different, i still want to acknowledge that this time in my life was very important. it is an expression of where i am. it brands me as myself, and whom i want to portray. although some of you may not agree with my decision to get a tattoo, can you please at least acknowledge that i do have a rhyme to my reason, and although this expression may not be your rhyme, it reflects whom i am. i did not do this out of disrespect or pure excitement. i did this because i've wanted it for years... and because i've always wanted to get it done with my sister. i love mandy. she means so much to me, and for some reason, i've always wanted to get a tattoo with her since i was 13... today was a dream come true.
thanks Mandy for the new, arm wrenching experiences! (look closely @ the first pic)

Prerequisites of love

it is hard to love. it is hard to be vulnerable. it is hard to give love the credit it deserves. but most of all it's hard to know what to do with love when it is present. it is what drives us to succeed and ultimately drives us to times of insanity. it pushes and pulls in order to achieve the balance that love needs. and therefore it is rather difficult to define or to even comprehend the starting era of any sort of love.

but love always come with prerequisites. what they truly are is the part of life that has to be found by oneself, in order to believe that sustenance of love is valid.

Dayzzz

why do we even wake up? for some it's the desire to experience the day to the fullest. for most, it is the obligation. we force ourselves. we convince ourselves that there is enough reason to wake up then to go through the hastel of not waking up... most of the time this nocturnal desire is not noticed through the melancholy of the day. but, when you get down to the actual being of a person it seems that they would rather minimize their energy in life as oppose to changing life in hopes of enjoyment. there is an ongoing belief that life can not be how one had first envisioned. eventually the mentality of life becomes finish rather than grow. and that is when life becomes a chore.

i just read "the alchemist". it's an amazing book. telling of a story of a boy whom was pursuing his life dream. very inspirational and yet not through answers but rather by actions. i enjoyed it very much and would recommend it to anyone whom is felling like life should not merely be about going through the motions.

Let's all fake together

it's funny when it's put into to words. but, there is really nothing funny about it.

we fake our lives in order that others may give us the recognition that we need to sustain our desire to find fulfillment in our lives. but we can never fake enough to fool ourselves. and although others do acknowledge us, we will always find someone whom won't, and therefore we cannot satisfy our perfectionist hunger. it's stupid... and it also seems to be reality for many people.

when will one truly find fulfillment in life... and what really is fulfillment? maybe we see things the wrong way. fulfillment is not portraying perfection to others. and not only that but our outlook of perfection does not truly reflect what it is. i mean, being perfect is... negatively portrayed into something that we do not want. perfection is boring. it is the utter low as there are no hard choices and no real desire from within. this is a lie. because why would we want to prove to everyone that we are boring? i mean, what's worse? us being fake, or us being boring? 'cause we can't get better if we fake to ourselves. and really it's only a matter of time until we have to face our real lives. what are we afraid of, and if it's that scary... how can we live with ourselves?

So, that's what Faith is

i am going. i am actually going. i got my flights, my vaccinations, my passport... it's real! and, it's so funny 'cause when i thought about the anticipation to my leave, i only thought of pure excitement. oh, how little i knew that there can be so many emotions to such a trip. i am excited to go. to really find out whom i am and to travel the world. to find God and to learn what my faith really means and how to live that out. but, i am leaving everyone. and, although a lot of that happened when i left after high school, the mentality is different. i will be starting new. fresh. and yet everything will change. i guess that's essentially what i want. but, change is scary 'cause you don't have answers looking @ you right in the face. i think that there's a word for that... faith. faith in the unknown, knowing that God can and will guide and direct you, even though you may not know where. i fear and love the unknown. i want to become into whom i should when i leave. but, more than anything i want to be open. open to new things. open to life on my own. open to life changes, in which i may never turn back. experiencing God's beauty, and knowing that he is so much more than what i see. i have a hunger a hunger to know God and make him known. not saying i'll be perfect. and, not saying that i totally know what i'm getting myself into. but, i am saying take me. mold me. make me into whom You believe i should become. i love and want You more than anything, and am willing to put my agenda behind me... so i can focus on what i need to focus on.

Destiny or only desire?

i want something familiar. something that i can hold onto. just one thing to think that life, or at least a small portion of it can be put in a neatly folded envelope. and to know that the envelope is secure. nothing is going to change it. the contents are always going to be the same, and i can put my total faith in that.

and, once i'll get that i'll probably want some type of change. weird how we always want something, and yet don't strive for it. we just expect it. i mean, God is unchanging and i can put my total faith in him, and yet it's easier for me to say, "i wish that i could have something unchanging" then rather looking, and working for it.

why is life like that? why do we have expectations and yet no ambitions. wants and still don't sustain our needs. desires and no desire to make it happen.

all we want is results when, the result is not the answer. the way you get to result actually is what makes you, you. the love and desires and ambitions we have are real. they are not a fairytale that cannot happen. rather they are dreams waiting for their reality. and, since we don't believe that this could actually happen, we brush off our dreams and desires and life goals. only to make ourselves into something we never anticipated. but still always asking, "how did i end up here?". which again proves that we still believe that change cannot happen, or at least for ourselves. and, so instead of our desires shaping us, we allow our lies to shape us... into a life of lies.

What's an opinion?

nothing bothers me more when people make very strong comments about things they have no idea about. what are they thinking? that they will have more respect by having an opinion? i believe that that is hilarious. who will respect someone with a dead straight answer, when they don't even know how to express their opinion properly 'cause they are oblivious to what they are saying? it doesn't make sense to me. and, it makes me mad.

and, then there are the ones who think they know everything. how can someone know everything? and, if your opinion is correct, then it will show through the outcomes of your beliefs. it cannot be in the forcefullness. the force shows that you just want someone else to aggree with you, without proving that you are right.

Supersize me

here i am. take me. i cannot do this on my own. i am tired and really just want to do nothing but sleep. it's not right, but it's how i feel. and, although feelings are not what i should base my life on, it is still a major thing in my life. i am tired. i am not able to fool myself, and all i want is for life... and to live it to it's fullest potential.

why you may ask? she has everything in front of her. she has a chance to travel the world. she has a great job. she has an awesome family that loves her.

these things are amazing, and no doubt i thank God for them everyday. that's not the point. the circumstances don't define a person. there are some things you can and cannot change. i am trying my hardest to make positive decisions. and, yet nothing can fill this, sense of drained life.

some may say it's because i don't have enough faith or that i'm not a good enough Christian. to them i ask, what makes a Christian? really? is it one who believes without questioning, and finds that the sole fulfillment of life? or is it to have the faith that things will be alright? why don't we stop fixing and start loving? stop conforming and start confronting, confronting not to prove our point but to let our point be shown that it has relevance. everyone has an opinion. and, i'm not even going to try to judge them on that. i will have my beliefs and i will be open to other people's opinions but i cannot handle it if i will be force fed and then expected to enjoy what i have been shoved down my throat. this is not how life should be.