oh the places you'll go

hey everyone. alright, so if i have enough time i'm going to write... a lot. first off, i am doing well and safe and more than fine! it's utterly amazing out here.

alright, first the stop over in Los Angeles. it was too long, but very cool to think that i was in a different country. it was fun... i went down to this fishing area. called Fishermans Village. it was cool. there were too many ships to even think of. all the while i was thinking... i'm in California! the place where spanish is the second language and where there are 7 digits on the licence plates b/c of the overwhelming amounts of people. it was sweet.

then i slept, after my 9 hr. layover the whole way to... Tahiti! i had no idea that i was going to have a layover there... but i did. it was about 20 C and beautifully humid. i loved it. short but sweet (maybe for the best as i hear it's rather expensive)

so, after that i couldn't sleep. it was insaine! i mean i was just in tahiti. oh, and fyi "Air NZ" is awesome. they are just the best airline ever. ask me to elaborate later.

so, now i am here. being raratonga, the main island of the 17 islands in the cook islands. it's amazing. the people are so nice, and the views! oh my lands... i just think that i am falling in love w/ the beaches (i mainly put that there to freak out my mom... did it work?!) haha. anyways, no it really is utterly amazing. i am situated on this amazing hostel w/ the beach right there and tones of new and fun people. they're so friendly... and it's nice 'cause it's a small island so, i can't really get lost. anyways, yesturday was my first day. and, i was kinda getting the feeling that this was going to be a rather a) relaxing time and b) a not to know what to do with all the time i have kind of deal. but, after i did all the lounging around i could do... i began to see what was out there. and am i glad i did! yesturday i went to this island dancing. they danced the cook island traditional dances there and it was just amazing to see it all! it was just so amazing. i mean there are these people druming faster than you can think.... and these dances that you don't know how people can move their hips that fast. ahh! i just love the culture.

today i had one of the best times of my life. i went snorkling. it was amazing. and what was even more cool is that i went on my own. it was like this huge event for me. i was out for at least 3 hrs. just snorkling. the fist fish that i saw almost attacked me. so, that was eventful. and i was almost going to even leave then. but, i didn't and stuck it through and it was just so cool to see all the diff. types of fish... oh i could go on for hours. non the less it was so cool! the people are nice, the time is awesome and i'm probably going to go out tonight as well.

oh, there's also fresh fruit right around the corner for 50 cents a fruit... i'm in a TROPICAL ISLAND!!!!! guys, this is just amazing.

thanks for all your support and let me know how you guys are doing. even though i'm across the world it doesn't mean that my thoughts are not w/ you. play safe!

Safe landing!

hey everyone. just wanted to tell you all that i am in rarotonga right now and doing exceptionally well. made a couple of friends, one's from Finland and multiple from England... such sweet accents. anywanys, just wanted to let you know that i am safe and sound and hopefully i can actually do a real entry later!

is this goodbye, or simply see you later?

Before i forget... here's my address in NZ

PO Box 47, Oxford, North Canterbury 7443, New Zealand

i am going to miss you all. i had a good time out here, and although it was short, it was well worth it.

i am emotionally, mentally and physically drained right now. but, i suppose that this is what life does to you. i want to live it to the fullest and yet become more drained in doing so. i think that a lot of it has to do with myself. i mean here i am living, trying to make me happy through what i do. but even more than that i try to portray the perfection that i so desire, to others in hope that they see me as what i want to be. and yet this is more draining then being whom you want to become. i hope that God will use this experience for me. i want to learn what He wants me to learn... but more than that i want to be vulnerable enough to experience it.

understanding does not mean agreeing

why do we do this to ourselves? why do we put ourselves through this pain that we do not necessarily need? i believe it is because we want to express ourselves. and this is an expression of whom i am. i've always wanted one, and not only that... i want to acknowledge that this point in my life was valid.... let me explain.

to those of you whom say,"You may not like that tattoo in 10 years", you are right. i do not have the answer to whether or not i will like this tattoo for my whole life. but, this is an expression of me, right now. and, although i will change and i will become different, i still want to acknowledge that this time in my life was very important. it is an expression of where i am. it brands me as myself, and whom i want to portray. although some of you may not agree with my decision to get a tattoo, can you please at least acknowledge that i do have a rhyme to my reason, and although this expression may not be your rhyme, it reflects whom i am. i did not do this out of disrespect or pure excitement. i did this because i've wanted it for years... and because i've always wanted to get it done with my sister. i love mandy. she means so much to me, and for some reason, i've always wanted to get a tattoo with her since i was 13... today was a dream come true.
thanks Mandy for the new, arm wrenching experiences! (look closely @ the first pic)

Prerequisites of love

it is hard to love. it is hard to be vulnerable. it is hard to give love the credit it deserves. but most of all it's hard to know what to do with love when it is present. it is what drives us to succeed and ultimately drives us to times of insanity. it pushes and pulls in order to achieve the balance that love needs. and therefore it is rather difficult to define or to even comprehend the starting era of any sort of love.

but love always come with prerequisites. what they truly are is the part of life that has to be found by oneself, in order to believe that sustenance of love is valid.

Dayzzz

why do we even wake up? for some it's the desire to experience the day to the fullest. for most, it is the obligation. we force ourselves. we convince ourselves that there is enough reason to wake up then to go through the hastel of not waking up... most of the time this nocturnal desire is not noticed through the melancholy of the day. but, when you get down to the actual being of a person it seems that they would rather minimize their energy in life as oppose to changing life in hopes of enjoyment. there is an ongoing belief that life can not be how one had first envisioned. eventually the mentality of life becomes finish rather than grow. and that is when life becomes a chore.

i just read "the alchemist". it's an amazing book. telling of a story of a boy whom was pursuing his life dream. very inspirational and yet not through answers but rather by actions. i enjoyed it very much and would recommend it to anyone whom is felling like life should not merely be about going through the motions.

Let's all fake together

it's funny when it's put into to words. but, there is really nothing funny about it.

we fake our lives in order that others may give us the recognition that we need to sustain our desire to find fulfillment in our lives. but we can never fake enough to fool ourselves. and although others do acknowledge us, we will always find someone whom won't, and therefore we cannot satisfy our perfectionist hunger. it's stupid... and it also seems to be reality for many people.

when will one truly find fulfillment in life... and what really is fulfillment? maybe we see things the wrong way. fulfillment is not portraying perfection to others. and not only that but our outlook of perfection does not truly reflect what it is. i mean, being perfect is... negatively portrayed into something that we do not want. perfection is boring. it is the utter low as there are no hard choices and no real desire from within. this is a lie. because why would we want to prove to everyone that we are boring? i mean, what's worse? us being fake, or us being boring? 'cause we can't get better if we fake to ourselves. and really it's only a matter of time until we have to face our real lives. what are we afraid of, and if it's that scary... how can we live with ourselves?