peace be the journey

it's time. time to step back into society. it doesn't really feel right, i feel like steping inside of my shell would be so much easier. just if i could stay inside the shell for one more minute, hour, or day that would solve it right?

sometimes it seems like the more "processing" done, the more i realize that i don't want to realize all that's happened. i mean there's the point of just letting life be, but then there's also the point of caring where you will be. i think that without process there is no real recolection. if we can't go through what's actually happened in our lives one more time whether that be sharing it with others, talking to yourself about it, thinking about it, or whatever... we're not really living. we don't live if we are always looking forwards, and we don't live if we're always looking back... we live when we move and experience what's infront of us, whether that be making new tracks, or going over one that has already been taken. it's like our lives are a journey... some people get lost (everyone does somewhere in life actually) some are "on to a destination" and others don't even want to open their eyes. what i'm saying is that we're all different, making our own paths, making our own journeys. but what happens when we meet someone on the road? wouldn't you want to reminise about your own stories? the great view from the top of the mountain and long journey it took to get there? just to really talk about the valleys and the struggle on how to get out... and the amazing clear air...yes you would, they would, we all would!

yet, we don't when it comes to real life. we don't talk about our past in fear of not being able to overcome it again. we fear that going back to the late nights of staying up until when you should wake up, and thinking about suicide may not actually be over. we fear the unknown of the past because we don't think others will understand it, but really we don't want to deal with it anymore. why is it that we don't want to go back to those hurts and overcome our fears? we've believed we can't. we've come to believe that to become complacent with life is better then to face it, 'cause there's going to be no conclusion we come to. we stay stuck. and no one likes that. no one likes other people finding them on the journey when they can't move, or refuse to. others offer help, while we just say, "oh no thanks i'm okay here. don't worry." we're so proud of complacency because it's what allows us to live everyday. it's our life source. our life source is the very thing that is going to kill us in the end.

we're not made to get by in life, only to enjoy the mountain top views that come our way... living from one high experience to the other. we were made for the journey. yeah, i understand that when you're in the journey and you hit a valley, that you actually don't want to live in it. you feel alone, sick, so exhausted of just "getting by". but there's more to life then getting by, and it's not based on the highs and low because highs and lows come and go. it's based on the journey, so who are you going to follow while walking? i've chosen to follow the way, truth and life, aka Jesus Christ. he doesn't take away the bad experiences, or give me a whole life full of good ones, you know what he does? he's there throughout it all, desiring me to be with him throughout it all. he doesn't us to only experience life with him through the highs and the lows, but through all of it! he's always there, but sometimes we don't even acknowledge him or want him around, so we pretend like he's not... but he's here living with us. it's just our choice to acknowledge him, and follow him.... everyday.