flights

so, i made it to amman. it's been eventful travel time. the first flight (from bangkok to abu dhabi) was cool. i watched 2 movies ("i love you", an fillipino movie and "au chocolate") while sitting beside a french couple. they were quite nice and although we didn't speak the same language, i knew that there was a connection through the hospitality and at the end of the trip the man was actually translating french words to english (on the screen that's provided on the backseat of the person infront of you)... anyways, it was enjoyable. the next one was different. i realized the differences between the flight attendants. it didn't seem as a "glamour" thing anymore it was more like, this is my job and whatever. it was good, and short, leaving abu dhabi and flying to amman. i had my own 3 seats and it was quite comfy.

then i had a 20hr layover in the airport. everything costs quite a bit when you travel out of the airport and since my passport only has 4 pages left, i want to get as little stamps as possible. that's right, i slept in the waiting area. and i was so exhausted i got quite a bit of R&R... it was so nice. i tried getting into the "Royal Jordanian VIP Area" for those 20 hrs, but they said they could only allow me in 4 hrs prior to departure. so, that's where i am now, it's quite nice... free food, internet and any type of drinks (oh and cool sofas)! i'm quite relaxed.

the luggage had to be transfered from one of the attendants, and since it is a 20 hr layover i am a little concerned that the luggage may get "lost in translation"... hopefully not. it would just mean i'd have to spend the night in vienna, when the original plan is to go to the czech republic the same day.

with that said i don't know if i will be able to have internet access in the near future. i will try to stay in contact, either through blog or e-mail (g-mail isn't working at the moment) but, if i cannot, please do not worry.

thank-you for your thoughts and your prayers. if you remember to p*ay for this area of the world, there is need. the human inequalities have really been highlighted to me. there are around 1 lady to 10 men within the airport, and outside the airport it looks to be the same (guestimated figure by me)... anyways, this culture is very different. don't get me wrong, i LOVE the middle east.

NEVER too late

my friend had a birthday party today... it was pretty cool. the party ended late, around midnight. and as i got home on the last BTS train (sky train), leaving at midnight, i decided that the night wasn't over for me. i live on soi 4. it's known for the "farang (foreigner) red light district" which includes thai ladies as well as lady boys to rent for the night. right across from it is soi 5, which is known for the "middle east red light district" which usually has women from russia, little thai women. which only leads me to the next street over from the middle east district which, is packed with male prostitutes from africa, and some women as well. this is for the asian women to pick up or for gay men. it's quite different... and since i was there during the end of the night (as all the bars close @ 1:00am) there was a lot of prostitutes waiting to find the "lucky one" for the night. i got a shwarma (meat wrapped in an amazing pita bread) in the middle east section, noting that i was dressed conservativly enough to be known not to be a prostitute. and i sat there and watched. i watched the african men walk across the street and conspiculously talk to their friend... waiting for a customer. i watched the middle eastern men have their shisha (smoke tobacco). i watched ladies and "want to be ladies" walk past in the smallest clothes possible. i watched some burmese people repairing the road. i took in the sights, the smells, the people. and then i watched a lady that came to english class walk by. i didn't say hi though. her head was down as she walked past, not wanting anyone to acknowledge her, let alone recognize or talk to her. she had accomplished her duty for the night as she was being lead by a white man, probably to an appartment, where she would probably be sexually abused the rest of the night. yet, it is justified by allowing the family to get some extra cash. what she was wearing caught me off guard though. rather then the tight clothes in the bar she had one of the baggiest t-shirts on... and regular shorts.

you know, no one was ever too bad for jesus. no one. jesus' life isn't meant to be just a story that is told 'cause it sounds good. it's meant to transform others... the first person jesus reviled himself to after he rose from the dead is an ex prostitute. mary magdalene was at the tomb. she wasn't really that well off anymore. within the culture it's almost certain that she was ex-communicated from her family, could not get a husband and didn't have many job oppotunities. she didn't have much other things to do... she didn't really have many other places to go... so she just stayed at jesus' feet (or tomb), 'cause that's all she knew that helped. she was passionate about her Lord 'cause HE is the one that accpeted her, valued her, and gave her dignity for whom she was not based on what she did.

NEVER too bad... NEVER too late to be transformed.

i'm actually coming home!?!!!!!

so here it is. the last week of staying here in thailand. it's been worth every moment of it. i can't say it enough. the culture is so interesting, the people are amazing, the food is astounding and the weather is to die for. i truly fell in love with this home away from home. it really does feel like my second home. i am picky about rice! haha... i truly love everything here, and although it's hard to go, it's also VERY nice that i'm going to be home for a while. i don't know where i'm going to school or what's all going to happen, but i know that i am coming back on the 16th of april.

i land on the 16th flying in from calgary. so, yeah! i'm really excited that things are set in stone. it's official! less then a month... around 3 weeks. oh my word! that's SO soon. so, i'm excited to see you, and i'm sad about rapping the time up here... but that doesn't mean that it's not going to be great to see you!

thank-you for your prayers, thoughts, and e-mails!

DK

"Good" Friday

it's easter. well, really it's when Jesus died. It's not about the bunnys this year. there are no easter bunnys in Thailand. but, it's probably for the best 'cause they're usually stashed until no one eats them anyways. it's not about the fluff of the holiday to get me in the mood and celebrate jesus' death.

i've always found "good friday" a really weird name. why would anyone call the day when Jesus dies good? and honestly if he would've only died i don't think it would've been that good. everyone dies. why do we die? the wages of sin is death. but he didn't sin... so really "good friday" is only good because of the sunday that's coming.

isn't jesus' life like ours? i mean, the story of death and ressurection? we are to die to sin and be alive in Christ. rather then deflecting off all the sin that we have to die to, let's call it good, and then do it. we are to die. but we are not to die not because of the hurt and pain or the means to the end, but because of the new life. it is a new life. we can live in a new life. we can.

romans 6 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a ressurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever has died is freed from sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has domininion over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. So you also might consider yoursleves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

isn't Christ amazing? he died for us even though many would reject him. he died for us...

i'm pissed off

i don't know if this is the right thing to say, but i'm pissed off. honestly, enough of this "having it all together" thing. if there's anything i've noticed it's me NOT having it all together, and that's what kinda makes Christ applicable to our lives.

anyways, i'm moohoo (angry to the point of letting loose) because of Christians. that's right, not the injustice and everything crappy that's going on. and don't get me wrong, i get mad at that too (a lot). but, i get mad when people pretend like they know they have everything. like, they're the answer. actually, if you notice that i act that way if/when (j/k, when) i go to canada... please let me know. honestly, i can't stand it. i mean, if people all of a sudden think that they've got all the answers, i think we've lost Christ then. we're NOT the answer. and we're NOT to have all the answers. we're NOT God. i mean, honestly, when did we become so self-righteous to think that it's about us. it's not. i mean, honestly we are each one of the infinate people on earth... it just makes me so mad and then changes into saddness that we've lost something of Christ in our own self-righteousness. i begin to think, how were the pharassees different then i am? honestly.

travel from here to there

ok, here's the plan yo! i'm leaving bangkok on april first... so it's quite close. i'm then going to travel a little bit, as i will be taking flights from the around the world ticket (from the YWAM school), and thought that it would be a waste to not stop some places. so, i'm flying into amman, jordan and am going to have a 22 hour layover. which is quite long, but it is because i had to buy a seperate round ticket from amman, jordan to bankok, thailand. it's just how the flights worked out. hopefully i'll be able to stay in the airport terminal for this time as it takes quite a bit money to go out and 'cause i'm running low on pages in my passport. i went to go add pages in the canadian embassy but they said that you can't add pages anymore and that i have to get a new passport entirely if i would want to do that. (as a side note, you can originally get a passport that has either 24 or 48 pages, but this has to be done when you are originally getting the passport... just for future refterence) i was not a huge fan of gettting a whole new passport, and i also need someone to sign for it, so i can't get a new one out here. long story short, i do not want another stamp from amman jordan if i do not need to. since i'm staying in the airport i hopefully will not need to get a stamp. the only problem is that i am not going to be traveling with the same airline, so that is why it may be a problem.
anyways, i will then be traveling to vienna, austria to go overland to the chez republic. if anyone knows anything specific that i should see in the chez that'd be cool! i'm stayin for around 5 days. then i'll be going to london, england to meet up with some school friends... and then landing in California on the 10th of april. i will be spending some time there with my friends, which i am VERY excited about, and hopefully i'll make it up to canada mid/late april. i'm not sure the exact date, but if i know it before i come i'll let you know!

that's the plan for now, hopefully all the passport stuff as well as luggage transfers work out as i will be moving quite fast from one area to the next. your payers within me being here for the last couple of weeks as well as travel afterwards would be much appreciated.

i am enjoying life out here, and yet seem a bit more flustered then usual, as i am tending to focus on what i need to do, rather then just being present here. it's annoying when i find myself like that, i actually hate it. it's been really hard for me to just be present. i love thailand, and the people. i think that's why it's hard. i just want to either be here, or not... 'cause it's so hard to just know i'm going to leave amazing people behind, people that have shapped my life, and have really affected me in amazing ways. it's hard to leave my "home" (for the last 6 months) because i have come to realize that it's not about where i am that makes it home, but rather the people that make it home. it's just really hard to acknowledge that i'm not going to be here anymore.

with that said i am more then extatic to see everyone in canada. i LOVE you guys, and am more then excited to finally see faces that i've been so deprived of for a long time. the support from all of you has been amazing and i am more then thrilled to see you all once again. i litterally cannot wait... but have to for about a month.

it's going to seem like another world... and i'm trying to get into the thought that being an alien isn't as bad as i can sometimes make it seem. it's just different.

Change or Transform?

what is change? i mean, so much of the time i hear myself say, oh i just want to change the way i do some things, from the way i look to the way i act... but i'm starting to think that it might not be in change but in transformation.

when we change, we're looking at our old way of doing something, and adapting it to be something better. it's kinda like we're reactive rather then proactive. we notice something's negative and then change. but, that means we are changing to "fix" the problem, rather then solve it. let me explain. it's like if you'd be in a house that has a leak in one of the pipes. we tell the plumber to just weld the pipe together, or at most to replace the one part. the plumber then notices that the whole piping is rusted out and should be replaced. but we say, "i don't have enough money to replace all the piping right now, so i'm sorry. can you just fix it for now?" (we're unwilling to make sacrifices to make it happen, is usually the problem)

we're not trying to make things better, but make them work. some people actually allow all the piping to be re-installed, and i LOVE when that happens. unfortunatley most of the time we only fix the problem 'cause we think that's all that can be done. we think that if we take apart the whole piping, it's going to cost too much, and take too long, and be too much work. we convince ourselves that it's not worth it... but something that we do not consciously do is hand it down to next generations. the rusty pipes will affect anyone who would be using the pipes in any sort of form, but especially those living in the house. these problems affect others.

anyways, i like allowing God to reviel the problems with the piping (issues/core beliefs) in my life and others... not because it's fun but because i do believe that it can be done, not on our own strength but on Christ. to deal with the problems, grieving through the issues of life, and allowing our lives to be transformed by Christ each and everyday. to take up our cross and follow him, and to mourn and be comforted by Christ. he's a great confider... 'cause he always has insight into the issues as he totally understands everything we go through. (he made us, how couldn't he know?!)

so, is it change that we want? or do we want something totally different. i don't know if you remember when you "became a Christian" but i remember when i chose to follow Christ. it wasn't when i was 5 saying a prayer on the couch, or 13 in youth-group, although those were good times in my life, they were not a dedication to a new way of life, but rather confirming what i had been doing. no, that's not when i chose to follow Christ. i chose to follow Christ through the hard times in life. after i had lied to those i loved, hated my life, and lost intrest in most things i had enjoyed. and then i crumbled at the cross of Christ, and told him what i thought... and gave up to truth. i told him i hated what i was doing, but found no reason to do stuff differently if we were all just going to die anyways. i told him that i did not understand the reason to live if all we did was go to school, graduate, get married, have kids and die, 'cause if that's all there is to life then why would anyone live? i told him a whole lot more as well... like how i was sick of religion. and how we all try to pretend like if we do these 10 things we're going to go to heaven... it's pretend 'cause when would you ever know that you're good enough to go to heaven? when would you ever know that you've done enough or accomplished enough or proved yourself enough? and my thought is never.

so i gave up. i gave up to the truth that we never can do enough. that we don't deserve to go to heaven... and these facts show me that it's not based on me but on something else. on Christ. Christ is freeing 'cause of grace. yes, because of global relevance in his teaching and because of his amazing outlook on others and how to love them... but first i started with grace. 'cause when you get grace (being given something you don't deserve) then you transform. you don't change. you transform. the difference of transformation and change is that transformation happens on the inside and is expressed out, while change is trying to change the outward expression to define what's inside.

every behavior is purposeful. so, everything that we do is because of something. most of the time we try to make our behavior perfect, so that others may be fooled into thinking that we essentially are perfect. but, no matter how many people we fool, we never fool ourself. and after you've made the profile of yourself, it can be hard to just be real for once.

so, that's a little bit on transformation. transformation changes how we view life... and therefore changes how we do things. unfortunately we are (or at least i am) human, and can go back and forth between what we believe as core truths.