peace be the journey

it's time. time to step back into society. it doesn't really feel right, i feel like steping inside of my shell would be so much easier. just if i could stay inside the shell for one more minute, hour, or day that would solve it right?

sometimes it seems like the more "processing" done, the more i realize that i don't want to realize all that's happened. i mean there's the point of just letting life be, but then there's also the point of caring where you will be. i think that without process there is no real recolection. if we can't go through what's actually happened in our lives one more time whether that be sharing it with others, talking to yourself about it, thinking about it, or whatever... we're not really living. we don't live if we are always looking forwards, and we don't live if we're always looking back... we live when we move and experience what's infront of us, whether that be making new tracks, or going over one that has already been taken. it's like our lives are a journey... some people get lost (everyone does somewhere in life actually) some are "on to a destination" and others don't even want to open their eyes. what i'm saying is that we're all different, making our own paths, making our own journeys. but what happens when we meet someone on the road? wouldn't you want to reminise about your own stories? the great view from the top of the mountain and long journey it took to get there? just to really talk about the valleys and the struggle on how to get out... and the amazing clear air...yes you would, they would, we all would!

yet, we don't when it comes to real life. we don't talk about our past in fear of not being able to overcome it again. we fear that going back to the late nights of staying up until when you should wake up, and thinking about suicide may not actually be over. we fear the unknown of the past because we don't think others will understand it, but really we don't want to deal with it anymore. why is it that we don't want to go back to those hurts and overcome our fears? we've believed we can't. we've come to believe that to become complacent with life is better then to face it, 'cause there's going to be no conclusion we come to. we stay stuck. and no one likes that. no one likes other people finding them on the journey when they can't move, or refuse to. others offer help, while we just say, "oh no thanks i'm okay here. don't worry." we're so proud of complacency because it's what allows us to live everyday. it's our life source. our life source is the very thing that is going to kill us in the end.

we're not made to get by in life, only to enjoy the mountain top views that come our way... living from one high experience to the other. we were made for the journey. yeah, i understand that when you're in the journey and you hit a valley, that you actually don't want to live in it. you feel alone, sick, so exhausted of just "getting by". but there's more to life then getting by, and it's not based on the highs and low because highs and lows come and go. it's based on the journey, so who are you going to follow while walking? i've chosen to follow the way, truth and life, aka Jesus Christ. he doesn't take away the bad experiences, or give me a whole life full of good ones, you know what he does? he's there throughout it all, desiring me to be with him throughout it all. he doesn't us to only experience life with him through the highs and the lows, but through all of it! he's always there, but sometimes we don't even acknowledge him or want him around, so we pretend like he's not... but he's here living with us. it's just our choice to acknowledge him, and follow him.... everyday.

home sweet home

hey so i'm home... and loving it so far! it's not as culture shocked as many other places such as england or california. it was nice that i went there before the whole home journey as it's helped out a lot both in culture shock wise as well as time difference wise. the cultures are just so different, from induvidual to a community base. it's kinda been a little bit different in the whole mindset of things.

i'm really enjoying it and having a great time just being home, yet it's just so chill. yeah, we'll see what happens later on, but right now it seems to be going great.

anyways, thanks for the prayers and thoughts along the way, i'll still be updating this, but probably not my corporate e-mails... as i'm not "away from home" anymore... i hope the personal letters stay in tact though!

DK

england (take 2)

hey i'm in england... jet lagged and having some fun at my friend suzies house... it kinda feels like home when i'm staying here... it's "lovely" as suzie always says!

england

hey! leaving for london heathrow as we speak. it's been quite good so far! wow, time is flying!

111 § and zy

hey, if i mix up the z and ys it§s cause their opposite here... and i can§t parenthasiye or use the apostrophe either... but i§m using a chey internet11111111 i can§t do the exclamation mark either... haha.

so, zeah i§m in the chey republic now, cheskz krumlov to be exact. it§s amaying and it§s a reallz small little town, with a whole lot of historz. it§s been cool to see different people, and zet globallzz comprehend how we§re so similar. it§s been an amaying couple of dazs and i§m excited to e=mail zou when it§s not so expensive.

oh, and i§ll still check mz e=mails as much as i can1

flights

so, i made it to amman. it's been eventful travel time. the first flight (from bangkok to abu dhabi) was cool. i watched 2 movies ("i love you", an fillipino movie and "au chocolate") while sitting beside a french couple. they were quite nice and although we didn't speak the same language, i knew that there was a connection through the hospitality and at the end of the trip the man was actually translating french words to english (on the screen that's provided on the backseat of the person infront of you)... anyways, it was enjoyable. the next one was different. i realized the differences between the flight attendants. it didn't seem as a "glamour" thing anymore it was more like, this is my job and whatever. it was good, and short, leaving abu dhabi and flying to amman. i had my own 3 seats and it was quite comfy.

then i had a 20hr layover in the airport. everything costs quite a bit when you travel out of the airport and since my passport only has 4 pages left, i want to get as little stamps as possible. that's right, i slept in the waiting area. and i was so exhausted i got quite a bit of R&R... it was so nice. i tried getting into the "Royal Jordanian VIP Area" for those 20 hrs, but they said they could only allow me in 4 hrs prior to departure. so, that's where i am now, it's quite nice... free food, internet and any type of drinks (oh and cool sofas)! i'm quite relaxed.

the luggage had to be transfered from one of the attendants, and since it is a 20 hr layover i am a little concerned that the luggage may get "lost in translation"... hopefully not. it would just mean i'd have to spend the night in vienna, when the original plan is to go to the czech republic the same day.

with that said i don't know if i will be able to have internet access in the near future. i will try to stay in contact, either through blog or e-mail (g-mail isn't working at the moment) but, if i cannot, please do not worry.

thank-you for your thoughts and your prayers. if you remember to p*ay for this area of the world, there is need. the human inequalities have really been highlighted to me. there are around 1 lady to 10 men within the airport, and outside the airport it looks to be the same (guestimated figure by me)... anyways, this culture is very different. don't get me wrong, i LOVE the middle east.

NEVER too late

my friend had a birthday party today... it was pretty cool. the party ended late, around midnight. and as i got home on the last BTS train (sky train), leaving at midnight, i decided that the night wasn't over for me. i live on soi 4. it's known for the "farang (foreigner) red light district" which includes thai ladies as well as lady boys to rent for the night. right across from it is soi 5, which is known for the "middle east red light district" which usually has women from russia, little thai women. which only leads me to the next street over from the middle east district which, is packed with male prostitutes from africa, and some women as well. this is for the asian women to pick up or for gay men. it's quite different... and since i was there during the end of the night (as all the bars close @ 1:00am) there was a lot of prostitutes waiting to find the "lucky one" for the night. i got a shwarma (meat wrapped in an amazing pita bread) in the middle east section, noting that i was dressed conservativly enough to be known not to be a prostitute. and i sat there and watched. i watched the african men walk across the street and conspiculously talk to their friend... waiting for a customer. i watched the middle eastern men have their shisha (smoke tobacco). i watched ladies and "want to be ladies" walk past in the smallest clothes possible. i watched some burmese people repairing the road. i took in the sights, the smells, the people. and then i watched a lady that came to english class walk by. i didn't say hi though. her head was down as she walked past, not wanting anyone to acknowledge her, let alone recognize or talk to her. she had accomplished her duty for the night as she was being lead by a white man, probably to an appartment, where she would probably be sexually abused the rest of the night. yet, it is justified by allowing the family to get some extra cash. what she was wearing caught me off guard though. rather then the tight clothes in the bar she had one of the baggiest t-shirts on... and regular shorts.

you know, no one was ever too bad for jesus. no one. jesus' life isn't meant to be just a story that is told 'cause it sounds good. it's meant to transform others... the first person jesus reviled himself to after he rose from the dead is an ex prostitute. mary magdalene was at the tomb. she wasn't really that well off anymore. within the culture it's almost certain that she was ex-communicated from her family, could not get a husband and didn't have many job oppotunities. she didn't have much other things to do... she didn't really have many other places to go... so she just stayed at jesus' feet (or tomb), 'cause that's all she knew that helped. she was passionate about her Lord 'cause HE is the one that accpeted her, valued her, and gave her dignity for whom she was not based on what she did.

NEVER too bad... NEVER too late to be transformed.