a more real update then the last... (depending how you look at it)

so as much as i like to just talk, i guess that i could update a little bit more of what's actually (events) going on.

k, so went to northern thailand for new years. it was sweet to say the least. the memories are unforgettable and i actually can't think of any negatives which happened... it's amazing how it's changing from focusing on the negatives to falling in love with whatever positives you can get.

came back from travels and decided that although there's tones to do i won't stress. roy and bonita are leaving in 6 days to go back to california for 1 month! so, i may be living at their place, but probably only for some nights, as all i really need to do there is water the plants... i have too much fun staying on my feet at the house to be in a house all alone. (but, with needed rest, i think that i could give up a couple of "sleep-overs").

so, i'm making up the application for the interns, volunteers, and the information package that they would get when others get here. i don't really feel adequate to do it, but that's nothing really knew! i'm not saying that 'cause i'm insecure, don't get me wrong, it's just funny 'cause like i was saying on the last post, it's just realizing what really matters is Christ is adequate, so i'll start on that when they're gone.

i'm also thinking about my "travels"/fastest approach home after this. i may "rest" in europe (as i originally made some stops there with the ticket i made through school (in NZ)... so it may be difficult to not stop somewhere in europe), and yet i'm thinking that i may be more overwhelmed by the whole experience more then anything. let me explain... it's about the expected culture shock.

i accidentally came across a website today while looking up a historian's name... and i came accross... cupcakes! they were the most beauiful cupcakes i have probably ever seen. there's so much effort put into the pictures, the layout of the website, everything. everything looked perfect. and, i could barely hold my ralph in.

now, i'm not saying this so that you throw out all your cupcakes. i'm saying this 'cause there's such a vastness of the world. a vastness of plenty to a vastness of nothing.

anyways, i would love to hear from you guys... and i love all of your prayers. thank-you so much and i'm thinking of you.

God is amazing! he's been so faithful throughout this whole time. like, just with people i meet. the other day i went out for coffee... and met this lady who has her masters in business. this sounds random but we got on the topic of "buddhism" and "christianity" and saw parallels of what Jesus said and Buddha said. it was amazing how many there are... i would challenge you to look into it. Buddha did say that there was going to be someone coming after him who was greater then him. i said that i wondered if Buddha was talking about Jesus. it was a really interesting conversation!

i'm also in thai classes right now. and, the day before they started i was like, "God, i'd really like to not feel alone." ('cause you can feel that sometimes) and, guess what?! well, you'll never guess, so i'll just tell you... there are 3 ladies learning thai from ohio... they're with an outreach team which is in short a mennonite focused YWAM! 3 menno ladies, in thailand, that are following Christ... i mean how much closer can you get to where i'm at?! God answers prayers!

i'm also meeting really cool friends. producers. prostitutes. politicians. architects. doctors. beggars. missionaries. it's just so cool! i love God and i love being with him. there's this awe in him. this awe of love and this awe of seeing who he really is...

update # 4 i guess it would be

so, as far as updates go, i could try to convince you that what's going on here is outrageous, should be stopped and everyone should rethink their whole lives because of it... but that's a lie. personally, i don't want you to change because of a world event, i'd much rather you change for Christ (or should i rather say care for Christ). one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone comes home from missions and think that they can all of a sudden "change the world". if there's something i've learnt throughout this whole time, it's that i can do NOTHING without Christ. God doesn't want us to get-up-and-go! He wants us to BE with Him. that's what i challenge you with in this update because that's what i've learnt the most within the course of this new year. just to BE with Christ. you might be saying, well how the heck do i do that? you don't. stop doing. start allowing yourself to be saturated with Christ. this may actually mean taking a sabbath day (which actually just means resting). are you resting in the arms of Jesus or taking too much time to please him... or prove him whom you really are? don't worry about that. God knows you (probably more then given credit as He made you). so, you can stop proving yourself to Him. He misses you when you're not with Him because really all He wants to do is to be with you as well (notice God's first question to Adam and Eve, "where are you?"... He missed them!). God will meet each and everyone of us exactly where we are at if we just allow Him. and, that's what i've learnt the most within the time i gave you my last update.

Paths of Life

so, to be completely honest, everything has seemed a little overwhelming lately. there's a "western bangkok" which you don't even get into the culture, let alone get out of your comfort zone... and then there's "thai bangkok". like i told my friend in an e-mail "it's like a different world and i'm the alien actually trying to get into the culture." it's overwhelming in the sense that everything which you used to equate some relevance/identity/purpose in your life is all of a sudden stripped from you. it's like your looking for something to grab for your identity, and all the old luxuries are not there anymore... there's nothing for you to truly identify yourself with... except Christ. and, it's hard because when there's been so much emphasise on your personal capabilities to all of a sudden just accept the fact that Christ will love you regardless of what you've done, where you are, what you will do, or any other excuse you can give for Christ to not love you; well, it puts you in such a vulnerable position as you finally accept that Christ is everything and you are not! it shows your incapablity, and anyone who knows me deeper then surface will know that it's hard for me to address confrontation. confrontation shows that there is an essence of imperfection, and imperfection seems like you're not living up to the standards which you should be. but, that's an outrageous standard when you actually think of it. when we try to be perfect, we put the emphasise off of the grace of Christ and onto our capabilities. anyways, that's what's been going on in my heart lately. it's been difficult to address key problems, and i'm learning what surrendering everyday actually looks like. it's hard, but good... that seems to be the theme!



anyways, as for events, i went to Northern Thailand/Laos for the New Years. it was amazing. i met some amazing friends... along wih their 2 twins! and, spent some real quality time with Ann, her daughter and her nanny as well... it was just so much fun!

it was a nice time to breathe and have some time to clear my head, as well as learn more about different problems around the world (reading books). anyways, i hope that you all had an amazing new year. i'll see you this year!

what's going on?

dieing is not only a symbol of ending. this has been bought into in many societies. death produces the "means to the end" which we are all looking for. but when a seed dies, and falls to the ground, what does it produce? a whole new plant, greater then what it simply was itself. when when a person dies, what do they produce? lasting memories which affect future generations. that's why i'm opposed to war. war kills people, and makes division in many nations. there will always be people who do not aggree and those who are messed up, and i'm not saying that i aggree with people whom are like that, i am saying that what they have dicated will not meerly be gone when they are. there is more to life then just breathing. it's the whole thought-process. and, that's what i want us/everyone to ask. why do we do the things we do?

no one's better or worse, we're all different. and although some don't believe that as truth, i would challenge them to question why they think that. choices we made may have been worse or better, but the fact is that anyone is capable of evil. anyone! but a deeper question is why do we do evil? what motivates us to do negative things, or to believe lies? i think it has to do with our core beliefs. what do you believe about God, and how does that effect how you think about yourself? what do you want to allow to "die off" this coming year? death to produce more life. i challenge us to look at our core beliefs about God and see how Christ wants us to shed off an old layer of skin to become a little more exposed to Christ.

(excert from nov. 6 entry)
"live rahter then pretending to. a sacrificial life. not for ourselves and not as a means to weisle our way into anything. meery to change because we're sick of faking. sick of pretending. sick of masks. and sick of pretending the "status system" works. just face it. does it matter if you're the best or the worst in what you do? it's just doing. it's futile if it's not with the right attitude. it's just doing to prove... to prove what?! you can do something? everyone can do things. why are you doing it?"

update #3... i think i forgot to post #2. sorry! (if you want it, e-mail me!)

i don't know what to feel. christmas came and went like a week-end event. it wasn't for the hype. it wasn't for the show. if you wanted to celebrate you had to make an effort. and we did! we had a barbecue with sea food (amazing... my favorite!). Carolers came to our house, we put up the christmas tree along with the presents and did a lot of Christmas baking as well. the ladies here really (at the house) got into the christmas season, which was so cool to see it real and not a "routine" atmosphere. for most of them it was actually the first time to celebrate either as a follower of Christ or at all. it was amazing to see the difference in the ladies outlook... they had hope and joy and meaning. this was as a family (the 8 of us who all live in the same house along with close friends).

we also celebrated christmas corporately with ladies from the bars on the 17th. may came out for a fun filled night. we packed the palce while we played games, had amazing food, and just really good fellowship. for most of them it was the first time they had been introduced to Jesus. joy is the only way to sum up the whole night. joy was just electric throughout the party. i loved hanging out with the ladies. they probably show me more then i can ever show them... at least that's what i think. they just have such patience, dedication, determination and love for their community. they are all amazing women. it was also really amazing to see God use the whole night for so many people. the servers couldn't believe that these ladies came (Thais usually don't associate with someone who is lower in standing then themselves). the Thai volunteers also had a similar response and were just amazed how many people came. the ladies who came all seemed quite taken aback as well... and to say the least, i was amazed by it all. bonita was quite touched as "Home of New Beginnings" has been grounded in prayer for Thai leadership who can eventually run the organization, and all the voluntters and hosts were Thai. it was amazing to see God just work in each of our hearts.



i loved this christmas. it's been hard being away from family and knowing that everyone is having fun at home, but it's been much more rewarding to know that i'm exactly where Christ wants me, regardless of whether i can see the "quick" results or fully understand why, all i know is peace. and this peace is deeper then meer understanding. Christ is with us regardless of the circumstances. whether it be financial, geographical, or emotional... God is here. and guess what? he's omnipresent as well (good thing!). but, honestly, i just want to bless you for all of the blessings of prayer and joy which you have given me just by being you. your prayers, your caring hearts and your correspondence with me has been so much appreciated... thank-you all so much

as for the future, we are leaving to go to Northern Thailand tonight (well, 4 am!). we're going on a "trip", which i am excited for bonding time as well as relaxing time with Christ. please pray for travel safety as well as visa "issues". my education visa expires on the 4th of next month and i will have to get it renewed when i go to school on the 3rd (i start thai language classes then! woo hoo... you could pray for that class). please just pray for a smooth transition from one visa to the next as i know that it can always become complicated. thank-you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

thank-you again... and praise God for his faithfulness wherever we may be!

the Christmas party/Michelle/Life~

sooo, it's christmas... and i'm sweating up a storm. i know that you may be jealous about that comment, but to be quite honest there's a backfire to a hot winter... you miss winter completely. you miss all of the snow, the skating, the food, but mostly the family.

i'm not saying this for attention, i'm saying this because i truly miss you guys. there's something to be said about being home at this time. although i know that i should be here, my heart is still with you guys as well.

but on a more positive outlook... there's a lot to be thankful for! the christmas party was an amazing success. there were 98 ladies out from around 20ish bars. we played games, sang songs, made crafts, and had supper together. it was so amazing and as bonita had pointed out, everyone there was really impacted. from the servers to the volunteers to the ladies to the speaker. everyone was put outside of the "norm" and put into an amazing time together... all joining as a group. i loved it. i loved seeing Christ move in ladies. there was all thai leadership... so cool! and the speaker was from singapore (the same one at the retreat actually)... and was very great!

there have been ladies which have shown interest in coming into the center... and whatever God has in store it'll be amazing. but regardless of that, there has been such an amazing difference in how the ladies react to us as we go to the bars. we hug, and they are just so happy to see us. we (michelle and i) actually went to get some pizza near our house and a lady was there with her boyfriend (from england), but anyways, she had sat at the same table as me during the dinner... and we just had an amazing time talking and just to see her again. her boyfriend actually asked her, "why are you smiling so much?" and she just said that she was so happy to see us. a different lady ran out of the bar and was so ecstatic just to talk and see us again... i'll never forget her face.

michelle left yesterday. that was hard. she understood what i was/am going through. she was such a support to me and to the ladies and the organization. we taught english together and she stayed here a couple of nights between going to school in bangkok. she's from the states and went back from Christmas/school/weddings. so, anyways, she's gone now... and although it's hard i know that she's going where God wants her, and that's so great! oh, but we went to go see a lady from the bars to say good-bye to before michelle left and she was almost crying... she's one of the most precious ladies i have ever seen. she's one of the first ladies i was introduced to when i started here in october... God is so good. no matter what the circumstances. anyways, i want you all to know that i'm thinking and praying for you... if you want to e-mail me, please do. i'm also on facebook. please keep in touch... i'll listen!

Parents and Thailand

just thought that i'd send a couple of pictures with our updated time with my parents and myself in thailand.




this was a "mock" thai village haveing 5 different Northern Tribes represented in one area. it was amazing to see a lot of the character from the houses to the people


i snuck a quick pick of some monks when we went to " wat doi suthep". wat means temple and it is a famous one of chiang mai (a city we stayed the north for 3 days) as it overlooks the city and is quite beautiful. it is also a pigrimage for monks suposidly.


thai silk factory. it was cool as we got to see how thai silk is actually made from the worms to the dress... so cool!


original thai dinner and dance. that's something i'll never forget.