Friday, June 20, 2008
Light.
i am in the light, literally. i'm sitting outside in my front lawn enjoying the sun. there's no life without the sun, right? i know this may sound cheezy, but there's no life without Jesus, the Son of God, either. Yeah, we can all physically live and move around. But for our soul to be activated, that's a Jesus job. To be completely honest, I don't know what that looks like half the time. People say, "Be Jeusus with skin on", and i agree, but how does this apply to me today? Where is the sun at nighttime? Do we just wait until he's back again, or do we go and find him in other ways? In ways that can help us anytime. I don't mean "make God whatever you want", but rather allow God and Christ to abide in you. Not a checklist to abide, and not a adjenda to stand strong, but a love and truth for Christ. This is different for everyone, so we've got to become adaptors. You know, just like the one's you use when you travel to change the outlet form to be used in other countries. We have to adapt our Christ for others. We have to be Jesus' reflection as much as we can be. Kinda like the moon of Jesus... to reflect him, whenever. We'll never come close to the Son, but we will be able to be one heck of a moon. There's no formula, no matter how long you look or how hard you try, God made people different. This is just an encouragement to try.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
no religion please
don't be afraid. look to me and i will answer you. follow me, the road is narrow and the path is winding... but i will be with you; never leave you or forsake you. listen to me to become familiar with the sound of your everlasting Father so that you may be empowered to go and live in the real world.
what is the real world? it seems as if the real world is something that can be a meer imagination of what it actually is. it's a mirage, something that seems so real but ends up to be a mind game. the trick happens when a subject is believed, regardless of it's validity or truth... it just is believed because that is the desire of our beings, to believe what we want as truth. but does meerly believing it make it true? if one is the most beautiful of all, and yet they believe they're ugly, does that make it true? if blue actually looks like green to someone, does that actually make it green? if someone loves another, but the other doesn't believe it, does that make it invalid? if someone has never seen the ocean would they be right to say that it is a solid? NO. you can convince yourself that you're ugly, that blue is actually green, that you are not loved and that there is no such thing as swimming, but you're wrong. opinion and viewpoint does not constitute as truth.
we try to define truth in scientific ways, equations, facts and sought out thesis's; because in our world that is truth. but what if you'd be able to think beyond the right and wrong to come to grace. i will never understand grace. you see, grace is different then mercy as mercy is just making your slate clean, washing all the bad stuff off. but grace is mercy with blessings added. you are not only forgiven but given extra good stuff. it doesn't make sense?! how can you recieve when you've wronged? where's the tally chart, it doesn't add up! and that's God. God is grace, a second, third and billionth chance. and God's grace through Jesus. yeah we could get to God without Jesus being there, by sacrificing animals as a form of attonment for our sin, and doing many rituals. but, Jesus did it... and that's the beautiful thing is that Jesus took sin in order to break it's hold on humankind by dieing. every lamb that was sacrificed before Jesus was not perfect, and that's why Jesus broke the curse, he was perfect. it says, "he made captivity itself a captive"... let that sink in. the original captivity is sin and he made it captive so that everyone could be free of sin. the way the truth and the life. it's not about religion it's about Jesus.
what is the real world? it seems as if the real world is something that can be a meer imagination of what it actually is. it's a mirage, something that seems so real but ends up to be a mind game. the trick happens when a subject is believed, regardless of it's validity or truth... it just is believed because that is the desire of our beings, to believe what we want as truth. but does meerly believing it make it true? if one is the most beautiful of all, and yet they believe they're ugly, does that make it true? if blue actually looks like green to someone, does that actually make it green? if someone loves another, but the other doesn't believe it, does that make it invalid? if someone has never seen the ocean would they be right to say that it is a solid? NO. you can convince yourself that you're ugly, that blue is actually green, that you are not loved and that there is no such thing as swimming, but you're wrong. opinion and viewpoint does not constitute as truth.
we try to define truth in scientific ways, equations, facts and sought out thesis's; because in our world that is truth. but what if you'd be able to think beyond the right and wrong to come to grace. i will never understand grace. you see, grace is different then mercy as mercy is just making your slate clean, washing all the bad stuff off. but grace is mercy with blessings added. you are not only forgiven but given extra good stuff. it doesn't make sense?! how can you recieve when you've wronged? where's the tally chart, it doesn't add up! and that's God. God is grace, a second, third and billionth chance. and God's grace through Jesus. yeah we could get to God without Jesus being there, by sacrificing animals as a form of attonment for our sin, and doing many rituals. but, Jesus did it... and that's the beautiful thing is that Jesus took sin in order to break it's hold on humankind by dieing. every lamb that was sacrificed before Jesus was not perfect, and that's why Jesus broke the curse, he was perfect. it says, "he made captivity itself a captive"... let that sink in. the original captivity is sin and he made it captive so that everyone could be free of sin. the way the truth and the life. it's not about religion it's about Jesus.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
peace be the journey
it's time. time to step back into society. it doesn't really feel right, i feel like steping inside of my shell would be so much easier. just if i could stay inside the shell for one more minute, hour, or day that would solve it right?
sometimes it seems like the more "processing" done, the more i realize that i don't want to realize all that's happened. i mean there's the point of just letting life be, but then there's also the point of caring where you will be. i think that without process there is no real recolection. if we can't go through what's actually happened in our lives one more time whether that be sharing it with others, talking to yourself about it, thinking about it, or whatever... we're not really living. we don't live if we are always looking forwards, and we don't live if we're always looking back... we live when we move and experience what's infront of us, whether that be making new tracks, or going over one that has already been taken. it's like our lives are a journey... some people get lost (everyone does somewhere in life actually) some are "on to a destination" and others don't even want to open their eyes. what i'm saying is that we're all different, making our own paths, making our own journeys. but what happens when we meet someone on the road? wouldn't you want to reminise about your own stories? the great view from the top of the mountain and long journey it took to get there? just to really talk about the valleys and the struggle on how to get out... and the amazing clear air...yes you would, they would, we all would!
yet, we don't when it comes to real life. we don't talk about our past in fear of not being able to overcome it again. we fear that going back to the late nights of staying up until when you should wake up, and thinking about suicide may not actually be over. we fear the unknown of the past because we don't think others will understand it, but really we don't want to deal with it anymore. why is it that we don't want to go back to those hurts and overcome our fears? we've believed we can't. we've come to believe that to become complacent with life is better then to face it, 'cause there's going to be no conclusion we come to. we stay stuck. and no one likes that. no one likes other people finding them on the journey when they can't move, or refuse to. others offer help, while we just say, "oh no thanks i'm okay here. don't worry." we're so proud of complacency because it's what allows us to live everyday. it's our life source. our life source is the very thing that is going to kill us in the end.
we're not made to get by in life, only to enjoy the mountain top views that come our way... living from one high experience to the other. we were made for the journey. yeah, i understand that when you're in the journey and you hit a valley, that you actually don't want to live in it. you feel alone, sick, so exhausted of just "getting by". but there's more to life then getting by, and it's not based on the highs and low because highs and lows come and go. it's based on the journey, so who are you going to follow while walking? i've chosen to follow the way, truth and life, aka Jesus Christ. he doesn't take away the bad experiences, or give me a whole life full of good ones, you know what he does? he's there throughout it all, desiring me to be with him throughout it all. he doesn't us to only experience life with him through the highs and the lows, but through all of it! he's always there, but sometimes we don't even acknowledge him or want him around, so we pretend like he's not... but he's here living with us. it's just our choice to acknowledge him, and follow him.... everyday.
sometimes it seems like the more "processing" done, the more i realize that i don't want to realize all that's happened. i mean there's the point of just letting life be, but then there's also the point of caring where you will be. i think that without process there is no real recolection. if we can't go through what's actually happened in our lives one more time whether that be sharing it with others, talking to yourself about it, thinking about it, or whatever... we're not really living. we don't live if we are always looking forwards, and we don't live if we're always looking back... we live when we move and experience what's infront of us, whether that be making new tracks, or going over one that has already been taken. it's like our lives are a journey... some people get lost (everyone does somewhere in life actually) some are "on to a destination" and others don't even want to open their eyes. what i'm saying is that we're all different, making our own paths, making our own journeys. but what happens when we meet someone on the road? wouldn't you want to reminise about your own stories? the great view from the top of the mountain and long journey it took to get there? just to really talk about the valleys and the struggle on how to get out... and the amazing clear air...yes you would, they would, we all would!
yet, we don't when it comes to real life. we don't talk about our past in fear of not being able to overcome it again. we fear that going back to the late nights of staying up until when you should wake up, and thinking about suicide may not actually be over. we fear the unknown of the past because we don't think others will understand it, but really we don't want to deal with it anymore. why is it that we don't want to go back to those hurts and overcome our fears? we've believed we can't. we've come to believe that to become complacent with life is better then to face it, 'cause there's going to be no conclusion we come to. we stay stuck. and no one likes that. no one likes other people finding them on the journey when they can't move, or refuse to. others offer help, while we just say, "oh no thanks i'm okay here. don't worry." we're so proud of complacency because it's what allows us to live everyday. it's our life source. our life source is the very thing that is going to kill us in the end.
we're not made to get by in life, only to enjoy the mountain top views that come our way... living from one high experience to the other. we were made for the journey. yeah, i understand that when you're in the journey and you hit a valley, that you actually don't want to live in it. you feel alone, sick, so exhausted of just "getting by". but there's more to life then getting by, and it's not based on the highs and low because highs and lows come and go. it's based on the journey, so who are you going to follow while walking? i've chosen to follow the way, truth and life, aka Jesus Christ. he doesn't take away the bad experiences, or give me a whole life full of good ones, you know what he does? he's there throughout it all, desiring me to be with him throughout it all. he doesn't us to only experience life with him through the highs and the lows, but through all of it! he's always there, but sometimes we don't even acknowledge him or want him around, so we pretend like he's not... but he's here living with us. it's just our choice to acknowledge him, and follow him.... everyday.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
home sweet home
hey so i'm home... and loving it so far! it's not as culture shocked as many other places such as england or california. it was nice that i went there before the whole home journey as it's helped out a lot both in culture shock wise as well as time difference wise. the cultures are just so different, from induvidual to a community base. it's kinda been a little bit different in the whole mindset of things.
i'm really enjoying it and having a great time just being home, yet it's just so chill. yeah, we'll see what happens later on, but right now it seems to be going great.
anyways, thanks for the prayers and thoughts along the way, i'll still be updating this, but probably not my corporate e-mails... as i'm not "away from home" anymore... i hope the personal letters stay in tact though!
DK
i'm really enjoying it and having a great time just being home, yet it's just so chill. yeah, we'll see what happens later on, but right now it seems to be going great.
anyways, thanks for the prayers and thoughts along the way, i'll still be updating this, but probably not my corporate e-mails... as i'm not "away from home" anymore... i hope the personal letters stay in tact though!
DK
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
england (take 2)
hey i'm in england... jet lagged and having some fun at my friend suzies house... it kinda feels like home when i'm staying here... it's "lovely" as suzie always says!
england
hey! leaving for london heathrow as we speak. it's been quite good so far! wow, time is flying!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
111 § and zy
hey, if i mix up the z and ys it§s cause their opposite here... and i can§t parenthasiye or use the apostrophe either... but i§m using a chey internet11111111 i can§t do the exclamation mark either... haha.
so, zeah i§m in the chey republic now, cheskz krumlov to be exact. it§s amaying and it§s a reallz small little town, with a whole lot of historz. it§s been cool to see different people, and zet globallzz comprehend how we§re so similar. it§s been an amaying couple of dazs and i§m excited to e=mail zou when it§s not so expensive.
oh, and i§ll still check mz e=mails as much as i can1
so, zeah i§m in the chey republic now, cheskz krumlov to be exact. it§s amaying and it§s a reallz small little town, with a whole lot of historz. it§s been cool to see different people, and zet globallzz comprehend how we§re so similar. it§s been an amaying couple of dazs and i§m excited to e=mail zou when it§s not so expensive.
oh, and i§ll still check mz e=mails as much as i can1
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
flights
so, i made it to amman. it's been eventful travel time. the first flight (from bangkok to abu dhabi) was cool. i watched 2 movies ("i love you", an fillipino movie and "au chocolate") while sitting beside a french couple. they were quite nice and although we didn't speak the same language, i knew that there was a connection through the hospitality and at the end of the trip the man was actually translating french words to english (on the screen that's provided on the backseat of the person infront of you)... anyways, it was enjoyable. the next one was different. i realized the differences between the flight attendants. it didn't seem as a "glamour" thing anymore it was more like, this is my job and whatever. it was good, and short, leaving abu dhabi and flying to amman. i had my own 3 seats and it was quite comfy.
then i had a 20hr layover in the airport. everything costs quite a bit when you travel out of the airport and since my passport only has 4 pages left, i want to get as little stamps as possible. that's right, i slept in the waiting area. and i was so exhausted i got quite a bit of R&R... it was so nice. i tried getting into the "Royal Jordanian VIP Area" for those 20 hrs, but they said they could only allow me in 4 hrs prior to departure. so, that's where i am now, it's quite nice... free food, internet and any type of drinks (oh and cool sofas)! i'm quite relaxed.
the luggage had to be transfered from one of the attendants, and since it is a 20 hr layover i am a little concerned that the luggage may get "lost in translation"... hopefully not. it would just mean i'd have to spend the night in vienna, when the original plan is to go to the czech republic the same day.
with that said i don't know if i will be able to have internet access in the near future. i will try to stay in contact, either through blog or e-mail (g-mail isn't working at the moment) but, if i cannot, please do not worry.
thank-you for your thoughts and your prayers. if you remember to p*ay for this area of the world, there is need. the human inequalities have really been highlighted to me. there are around 1 lady to 10 men within the airport, and outside the airport it looks to be the same (guestimated figure by me)... anyways, this culture is very different. don't get me wrong, i LOVE the middle east.
then i had a 20hr layover in the airport. everything costs quite a bit when you travel out of the airport and since my passport only has 4 pages left, i want to get as little stamps as possible. that's right, i slept in the waiting area. and i was so exhausted i got quite a bit of R&R... it was so nice. i tried getting into the "Royal Jordanian VIP Area" for those 20 hrs, but they said they could only allow me in 4 hrs prior to departure. so, that's where i am now, it's quite nice... free food, internet and any type of drinks (oh and cool sofas)! i'm quite relaxed.
the luggage had to be transfered from one of the attendants, and since it is a 20 hr layover i am a little concerned that the luggage may get "lost in translation"... hopefully not. it would just mean i'd have to spend the night in vienna, when the original plan is to go to the czech republic the same day.
with that said i don't know if i will be able to have internet access in the near future. i will try to stay in contact, either through blog or e-mail (g-mail isn't working at the moment) but, if i cannot, please do not worry.
thank-you for your thoughts and your prayers. if you remember to p*ay for this area of the world, there is need. the human inequalities have really been highlighted to me. there are around 1 lady to 10 men within the airport, and outside the airport it looks to be the same (guestimated figure by me)... anyways, this culture is very different. don't get me wrong, i LOVE the middle east.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
NEVER too late
my friend had a birthday party today... it was pretty cool. the party ended late, around midnight. and as i got home on the last BTS train (sky train), leaving at midnight, i decided that the night wasn't over for me. i live on soi 4. it's known for the "farang (foreigner) red light district" which includes thai ladies as well as lady boys to rent for the night. right across from it is soi 5, which is known for the "middle east red light district" which usually has women from russia, little thai women. which only leads me to the next street over from the middle east district which, is packed with male prostitutes from africa, and some women as well. this is for the asian women to pick up or for gay men. it's quite different... and since i was there during the end of the night (as all the bars close @ 1:00am) there was a lot of prostitutes waiting to find the "lucky one" for the night. i got a shwarma (meat wrapped in an amazing pita bread) in the middle east section, noting that i was dressed conservativly enough to be known not to be a prostitute. and i sat there and watched. i watched the african men walk across the street and conspiculously talk to their friend... waiting for a customer. i watched the middle eastern men have their shisha (smoke tobacco). i watched ladies and "want to be ladies" walk past in the smallest clothes possible. i watched some burmese people repairing the road. i took in the sights, the smells, the people. and then i watched a lady that came to english class walk by. i didn't say hi though. her head was down as she walked past, not wanting anyone to acknowledge her, let alone recognize or talk to her. she had accomplished her duty for the night as she was being lead by a white man, probably to an appartment, where she would probably be sexually abused the rest of the night. yet, it is justified by allowing the family to get some extra cash. what she was wearing caught me off guard though. rather then the tight clothes in the bar she had one of the baggiest t-shirts on... and regular shorts.
you know, no one was ever too bad for jesus. no one. jesus' life isn't meant to be just a story that is told 'cause it sounds good. it's meant to transform others... the first person jesus reviled himself to after he rose from the dead is an ex prostitute. mary magdalene was at the tomb. she wasn't really that well off anymore. within the culture it's almost certain that she was ex-communicated from her family, could not get a husband and didn't have many job oppotunities. she didn't have much other things to do... she didn't really have many other places to go... so she just stayed at jesus' feet (or tomb), 'cause that's all she knew that helped. she was passionate about her Lord 'cause HE is the one that accpeted her, valued her, and gave her dignity for whom she was not based on what she did.
NEVER too bad... NEVER too late to be transformed.
you know, no one was ever too bad for jesus. no one. jesus' life isn't meant to be just a story that is told 'cause it sounds good. it's meant to transform others... the first person jesus reviled himself to after he rose from the dead is an ex prostitute. mary magdalene was at the tomb. she wasn't really that well off anymore. within the culture it's almost certain that she was ex-communicated from her family, could not get a husband and didn't have many job oppotunities. she didn't have much other things to do... she didn't really have many other places to go... so she just stayed at jesus' feet (or tomb), 'cause that's all she knew that helped. she was passionate about her Lord 'cause HE is the one that accpeted her, valued her, and gave her dignity for whom she was not based on what she did.
NEVER too bad... NEVER too late to be transformed.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
i'm actually coming home!?!!!!!
so here it is. the last week of staying here in thailand. it's been worth every moment of it. i can't say it enough. the culture is so interesting, the people are amazing, the food is astounding and the weather is to die for. i truly fell in love with this home away from home. it really does feel like my second home. i am picky about rice! haha... i truly love everything here, and although it's hard to go, it's also VERY nice that i'm going to be home for a while. i don't know where i'm going to school or what's all going to happen, but i know that i am coming back on the 16th of april.
i land on the 16th flying in from calgary. so, yeah! i'm really excited that things are set in stone. it's official! less then a month... around 3 weeks. oh my word! that's SO soon. so, i'm excited to see you, and i'm sad about rapping the time up here... but that doesn't mean that it's not going to be great to see you!
thank-you for your prayers, thoughts, and e-mails!
DK
i land on the 16th flying in from calgary. so, yeah! i'm really excited that things are set in stone. it's official! less then a month... around 3 weeks. oh my word! that's SO soon. so, i'm excited to see you, and i'm sad about rapping the time up here... but that doesn't mean that it's not going to be great to see you!
thank-you for your prayers, thoughts, and e-mails!
DK
Friday, March 21, 2008
"Good" Friday
it's easter. well, really it's when Jesus died. It's not about the bunnys this year. there are no easter bunnys in Thailand. but, it's probably for the best 'cause they're usually stashed until no one eats them anyways. it's not about the fluff of the holiday to get me in the mood and celebrate jesus' death.
i've always found "good friday" a really weird name. why would anyone call the day when Jesus dies good? and honestly if he would've only died i don't think it would've been that good. everyone dies. why do we die? the wages of sin is death. but he didn't sin... so really "good friday" is only good because of the sunday that's coming.
isn't jesus' life like ours? i mean, the story of death and ressurection? we are to die to sin and be alive in Christ. rather then deflecting off all the sin that we have to die to, let's call it good, and then do it. we are to die. but we are not to die not because of the hurt and pain or the means to the end, but because of the new life. it is a new life. we can live in a new life. we can.
romans 6 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a ressurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever has died is freed from sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has domininion over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. So you also might consider yoursleves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
isn't Christ amazing? he died for us even though many would reject him. he died for us...
i've always found "good friday" a really weird name. why would anyone call the day when Jesus dies good? and honestly if he would've only died i don't think it would've been that good. everyone dies. why do we die? the wages of sin is death. but he didn't sin... so really "good friday" is only good because of the sunday that's coming.
isn't jesus' life like ours? i mean, the story of death and ressurection? we are to die to sin and be alive in Christ. rather then deflecting off all the sin that we have to die to, let's call it good, and then do it. we are to die. but we are not to die not because of the hurt and pain or the means to the end, but because of the new life. it is a new life. we can live in a new life. we can.
romans 6 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a ressurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever has died is freed from sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has domininion over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. So you also might consider yoursleves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
isn't Christ amazing? he died for us even though many would reject him. he died for us...
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
i'm pissed off
i don't know if this is the right thing to say, but i'm pissed off. honestly, enough of this "having it all together" thing. if there's anything i've noticed it's me NOT having it all together, and that's what kinda makes Christ applicable to our lives.
anyways, i'm moohoo (angry to the point of letting loose) because of Christians. that's right, not the injustice and everything crappy that's going on. and don't get me wrong, i get mad at that too (a lot). but, i get mad when people pretend like they know they have everything. like, they're the answer. actually, if you notice that i act that way if/when (j/k, when) i go to canada... please let me know. honestly, i can't stand it. i mean, if people all of a sudden think that they've got all the answers, i think we've lost Christ then. we're NOT the answer. and we're NOT to have all the answers. we're NOT God. i mean, honestly, when did we become so self-righteous to think that it's about us. it's not. i mean, honestly we are each one of the infinate people on earth... it just makes me so mad and then changes into saddness that we've lost something of Christ in our own self-righteousness. i begin to think, how were the pharassees different then i am? honestly.
anyways, i'm moohoo (angry to the point of letting loose) because of Christians. that's right, not the injustice and everything crappy that's going on. and don't get me wrong, i get mad at that too (a lot). but, i get mad when people pretend like they know they have everything. like, they're the answer. actually, if you notice that i act that way if/when (j/k, when) i go to canada... please let me know. honestly, i can't stand it. i mean, if people all of a sudden think that they've got all the answers, i think we've lost Christ then. we're NOT the answer. and we're NOT to have all the answers. we're NOT God. i mean, honestly, when did we become so self-righteous to think that it's about us. it's not. i mean, honestly we are each one of the infinate people on earth... it just makes me so mad and then changes into saddness that we've lost something of Christ in our own self-righteousness. i begin to think, how were the pharassees different then i am? honestly.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
travel from here to there
ok, here's the plan yo! i'm leaving bangkok on april first... so it's quite close. i'm then going to travel a little bit, as i will be taking flights from the around the world ticket (from the YWAM school), and thought that it would be a waste to not stop some places. so, i'm flying into amman, jordan and am going to have a 22 hour layover. which is quite long, but it is because i had to buy a seperate round ticket from amman, jordan to bankok, thailand. it's just how the flights worked out. hopefully i'll be able to stay in the airport terminal for this time as it takes quite a bit money to go out and 'cause i'm running low on pages in my passport. i went to go add pages in the canadian embassy but they said that you can't add pages anymore and that i have to get a new passport entirely if i would want to do that. (as a side note, you can originally get a passport that has either 24 or 48 pages, but this has to be done when you are originally getting the passport... just for future refterence) i was not a huge fan of gettting a whole new passport, and i also need someone to sign for it, so i can't get a new one out here. long story short, i do not want another stamp from amman jordan if i do not need to. since i'm staying in the airport i hopefully will not need to get a stamp. the only problem is that i am not going to be traveling with the same airline, so that is why it may be a problem.
anyways, i will then be traveling to vienna, austria to go overland to the chez republic. if anyone knows anything specific that i should see in the chez that'd be cool! i'm stayin for around 5 days. then i'll be going to london, england to meet up with some school friends... and then landing in California on the 10th of april. i will be spending some time there with my friends, which i am VERY excited about, and hopefully i'll make it up to canada mid/late april. i'm not sure the exact date, but if i know it before i come i'll let you know!
that's the plan for now, hopefully all the passport stuff as well as luggage transfers work out as i will be moving quite fast from one area to the next. your payers within me being here for the last couple of weeks as well as travel afterwards would be much appreciated.
i am enjoying life out here, and yet seem a bit more flustered then usual, as i am tending to focus on what i need to do, rather then just being present here. it's annoying when i find myself like that, i actually hate it. it's been really hard for me to just be present. i love thailand, and the people. i think that's why it's hard. i just want to either be here, or not... 'cause it's so hard to just know i'm going to leave amazing people behind, people that have shapped my life, and have really affected me in amazing ways. it's hard to leave my "home" (for the last 6 months) because i have come to realize that it's not about where i am that makes it home, but rather the people that make it home. it's just really hard to acknowledge that i'm not going to be here anymore.
with that said i am more then extatic to see everyone in canada. i LOVE you guys, and am more then excited to finally see faces that i've been so deprived of for a long time. the support from all of you has been amazing and i am more then thrilled to see you all once again. i litterally cannot wait... but have to for about a month.
it's going to seem like another world... and i'm trying to get into the thought that being an alien isn't as bad as i can sometimes make it seem. it's just different.
anyways, i will then be traveling to vienna, austria to go overland to the chez republic. if anyone knows anything specific that i should see in the chez that'd be cool! i'm stayin for around 5 days. then i'll be going to london, england to meet up with some school friends... and then landing in California on the 10th of april. i will be spending some time there with my friends, which i am VERY excited about, and hopefully i'll make it up to canada mid/late april. i'm not sure the exact date, but if i know it before i come i'll let you know!
that's the plan for now, hopefully all the passport stuff as well as luggage transfers work out as i will be moving quite fast from one area to the next. your payers within me being here for the last couple of weeks as well as travel afterwards would be much appreciated.
i am enjoying life out here, and yet seem a bit more flustered then usual, as i am tending to focus on what i need to do, rather then just being present here. it's annoying when i find myself like that, i actually hate it. it's been really hard for me to just be present. i love thailand, and the people. i think that's why it's hard. i just want to either be here, or not... 'cause it's so hard to just know i'm going to leave amazing people behind, people that have shapped my life, and have really affected me in amazing ways. it's hard to leave my "home" (for the last 6 months) because i have come to realize that it's not about where i am that makes it home, but rather the people that make it home. it's just really hard to acknowledge that i'm not going to be here anymore.
with that said i am more then extatic to see everyone in canada. i LOVE you guys, and am more then excited to finally see faces that i've been so deprived of for a long time. the support from all of you has been amazing and i am more then thrilled to see you all once again. i litterally cannot wait... but have to for about a month.
it's going to seem like another world... and i'm trying to get into the thought that being an alien isn't as bad as i can sometimes make it seem. it's just different.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Change or Transform?
what is change? i mean, so much of the time i hear myself say, oh i just want to change the way i do some things, from the way i look to the way i act... but i'm starting to think that it might not be in change but in transformation.
when we change, we're looking at our old way of doing something, and adapting it to be something better. it's kinda like we're reactive rather then proactive. we notice something's negative and then change. but, that means we are changing to "fix" the problem, rather then solve it. let me explain. it's like if you'd be in a house that has a leak in one of the pipes. we tell the plumber to just weld the pipe together, or at most to replace the one part. the plumber then notices that the whole piping is rusted out and should be replaced. but we say, "i don't have enough money to replace all the piping right now, so i'm sorry. can you just fix it for now?" (we're unwilling to make sacrifices to make it happen, is usually the problem)
we're not trying to make things better, but make them work. some people actually allow all the piping to be re-installed, and i LOVE when that happens. unfortunatley most of the time we only fix the problem 'cause we think that's all that can be done. we think that if we take apart the whole piping, it's going to cost too much, and take too long, and be too much work. we convince ourselves that it's not worth it... but something that we do not consciously do is hand it down to next generations. the rusty pipes will affect anyone who would be using the pipes in any sort of form, but especially those living in the house. these problems affect others.
anyways, i like allowing God to reviel the problems with the piping (issues/core beliefs) in my life and others... not because it's fun but because i do believe that it can be done, not on our own strength but on Christ. to deal with the problems, grieving through the issues of life, and allowing our lives to be transformed by Christ each and everyday. to take up our cross and follow him, and to mourn and be comforted by Christ. he's a great confider... 'cause he always has insight into the issues as he totally understands everything we go through. (he made us, how couldn't he know?!)
so, is it change that we want? or do we want something totally different. i don't know if you remember when you "became a Christian" but i remember when i chose to follow Christ. it wasn't when i was 5 saying a prayer on the couch, or 13 in youth-group, although those were good times in my life, they were not a dedication to a new way of life, but rather confirming what i had been doing. no, that's not when i chose to follow Christ. i chose to follow Christ through the hard times in life. after i had lied to those i loved, hated my life, and lost intrest in most things i had enjoyed. and then i crumbled at the cross of Christ, and told him what i thought... and gave up to truth. i told him i hated what i was doing, but found no reason to do stuff differently if we were all just going to die anyways. i told him that i did not understand the reason to live if all we did was go to school, graduate, get married, have kids and die, 'cause if that's all there is to life then why would anyone live? i told him a whole lot more as well... like how i was sick of religion. and how we all try to pretend like if we do these 10 things we're going to go to heaven... it's pretend 'cause when would you ever know that you're good enough to go to heaven? when would you ever know that you've done enough or accomplished enough or proved yourself enough? and my thought is never.
so i gave up. i gave up to the truth that we never can do enough. that we don't deserve to go to heaven... and these facts show me that it's not based on me but on something else. on Christ. Christ is freeing 'cause of grace. yes, because of global relevance in his teaching and because of his amazing outlook on others and how to love them... but first i started with grace. 'cause when you get grace (being given something you don't deserve) then you transform. you don't change. you transform. the difference of transformation and change is that transformation happens on the inside and is expressed out, while change is trying to change the outward expression to define what's inside.
every behavior is purposeful. so, everything that we do is because of something. most of the time we try to make our behavior perfect, so that others may be fooled into thinking that we essentially are perfect. but, no matter how many people we fool, we never fool ourself. and after you've made the profile of yourself, it can be hard to just be real for once.
so, that's a little bit on transformation. transformation changes how we view life... and therefore changes how we do things. unfortunately we are (or at least i am) human, and can go back and forth between what we believe as core truths.
when we change, we're looking at our old way of doing something, and adapting it to be something better. it's kinda like we're reactive rather then proactive. we notice something's negative and then change. but, that means we are changing to "fix" the problem, rather then solve it. let me explain. it's like if you'd be in a house that has a leak in one of the pipes. we tell the plumber to just weld the pipe together, or at most to replace the one part. the plumber then notices that the whole piping is rusted out and should be replaced. but we say, "i don't have enough money to replace all the piping right now, so i'm sorry. can you just fix it for now?" (we're unwilling to make sacrifices to make it happen, is usually the problem)
we're not trying to make things better, but make them work. some people actually allow all the piping to be re-installed, and i LOVE when that happens. unfortunatley most of the time we only fix the problem 'cause we think that's all that can be done. we think that if we take apart the whole piping, it's going to cost too much, and take too long, and be too much work. we convince ourselves that it's not worth it... but something that we do not consciously do is hand it down to next generations. the rusty pipes will affect anyone who would be using the pipes in any sort of form, but especially those living in the house. these problems affect others.
anyways, i like allowing God to reviel the problems with the piping (issues/core beliefs) in my life and others... not because it's fun but because i do believe that it can be done, not on our own strength but on Christ. to deal with the problems, grieving through the issues of life, and allowing our lives to be transformed by Christ each and everyday. to take up our cross and follow him, and to mourn and be comforted by Christ. he's a great confider... 'cause he always has insight into the issues as he totally understands everything we go through. (he made us, how couldn't he know?!)
so, is it change that we want? or do we want something totally different. i don't know if you remember when you "became a Christian" but i remember when i chose to follow Christ. it wasn't when i was 5 saying a prayer on the couch, or 13 in youth-group, although those were good times in my life, they were not a dedication to a new way of life, but rather confirming what i had been doing. no, that's not when i chose to follow Christ. i chose to follow Christ through the hard times in life. after i had lied to those i loved, hated my life, and lost intrest in most things i had enjoyed. and then i crumbled at the cross of Christ, and told him what i thought... and gave up to truth. i told him i hated what i was doing, but found no reason to do stuff differently if we were all just going to die anyways. i told him that i did not understand the reason to live if all we did was go to school, graduate, get married, have kids and die, 'cause if that's all there is to life then why would anyone live? i told him a whole lot more as well... like how i was sick of religion. and how we all try to pretend like if we do these 10 things we're going to go to heaven... it's pretend 'cause when would you ever know that you're good enough to go to heaven? when would you ever know that you've done enough or accomplished enough or proved yourself enough? and my thought is never.
so i gave up. i gave up to the truth that we never can do enough. that we don't deserve to go to heaven... and these facts show me that it's not based on me but on something else. on Christ. Christ is freeing 'cause of grace. yes, because of global relevance in his teaching and because of his amazing outlook on others and how to love them... but first i started with grace. 'cause when you get grace (being given something you don't deserve) then you transform. you don't change. you transform. the difference of transformation and change is that transformation happens on the inside and is expressed out, while change is trying to change the outward expression to define what's inside.
every behavior is purposeful. so, everything that we do is because of something. most of the time we try to make our behavior perfect, so that others may be fooled into thinking that we essentially are perfect. but, no matter how many people we fool, we never fool ourself. and after you've made the profile of yourself, it can be hard to just be real for once.
so, that's a little bit on transformation. transformation changes how we view life... and therefore changes how we do things. unfortunately we are (or at least i am) human, and can go back and forth between what we believe as core truths.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Update #5
so, here i am in thailand. it still seems like a blur. sometimes when traveling to another country, it seems like you're actually traveling to another world. honestly. there is so much to process sometimes. there is one part of me that thinks that i've landed yesterday, and then there's the other which seems like i've just been here for years. it's as if things are just... zooming by in the sense that i'm finally feeling apart of this "world" a little more, and i'm going to be leaving in a month.
there are many things to say... but first i want to say thank-you. thank-you for your support, not only financially but spiritually. from the prayers to the e-mails, snail mail to facebook... you have all been such an asset. you are a vital community in my life. although i may be thousands of miles away, this does not mean that i have forgotten any of you. i may have contracted a lot of things in thailand, but amnesia is not one of them. (haha?)
anyways, things at the bar have become a little more intense as some of the women may be moving in after i leave. there is also one lady i visit quite often whom got into an "accident" the other day. her chin was very swollen, and i do believe that someone had beaten her. (she did not want to tell, as this would make the other person look bad, and she did not want to cause any more trouble for herself...) on a different note, some ladies work from 10 o'clock in the morning to 1o'clock in the morning (and i think that sometimes i have it bad!). they will live and sleep in the bar (they have an upstairs for customers... and themselves, if they stay there.) They sleep around 7-8 hours if not interrupted, and then go back to work. this one lady told me that she could not come to english class anymore as she is working extra hours. her boyfriend told her she had to work more. so, i'm seeing her after my thai classes this month just to say hi. when i told her that i was leaving she was almost crying. she said that she was so sad because she didn't know when i was coming back. (most people know that if you do not set a date, you may not be back... and i've fallen in love with so many people out here, i'm crying!)
there have also been other stories which i just find appalling. this one lady whom comes to english quite regularly was trafficked into myanmar (former burma), where she had to service up to 20 men a day. as gruesome as this sounds, this was her life. i could go into detail... but i think that the thought of being raped 20 times a day can be quite enough information. she got out of the scenario, and although i do not know specifics, i know those last statements are facts.
there has been quite an overload on information lately, and although that can be frustrating, it's amazing when righteous anger just flows through... i talked my friend about human trafficking for almost an hour the other day... the problems between the thai and burma border (as Thai gangsters can take, or shall i say buy children at the burma border for as little as 100 baht (that's around 3 USD). for those familiar with the burmese situation, it has not been at peace since the August 8th 1988 shooting... if you want to look up the information it's quite easy to access). i just can't handle this injustice! i know that God is in control, and this allows me to sleep at night. i know that even though it's not all "okay", someone is in control.
i have also been having anger when addressing issues of division. i mean, so much of the time there is division over things which do not matter. even as christians, there has been this idea of, "well if you don't agree with my sect of christianity, then there is no reason for us to be talking". we have lost the love. we have lost the grace. but more then that we have lost focus on what really matters. what matters is Christ. what were the commandments summed up? "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. and love your neighbour as yourself." if that is true, then as we love God, we will encourage others to love him to. we will inspire others through Christ in us. "encourage each other daily." that was said for christians... to encourage each other fellow in Christ daily. "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." let's name the Christ in each other... for he does dwell in us, as long as we let him.
DK
oh, and if you feel compelled to give, (money) that's cool. the address which you can mail a cheque is bellow... the cash situation is quite low now, and although i'm not worried, i know that donating financially can be a way that you show community, and i love community (we're all brothers and sisters in this together, and i'm so happy to say that!)
anyways, here it is (oh, and you can just make the cheque out to "Danae Krahn")
Danae Krahn (c/o Ken and Emily Krahn)
Box 762
Niverville, Manitoba
R0A 1E0
CANADA
if this option is not sufficient, please let me know.
there are many things to say... but first i want to say thank-you. thank-you for your support, not only financially but spiritually. from the prayers to the e-mails, snail mail to facebook... you have all been such an asset. you are a vital community in my life. although i may be thousands of miles away, this does not mean that i have forgotten any of you. i may have contracted a lot of things in thailand, but amnesia is not one of them. (haha?)
anyways, things at the bar have become a little more intense as some of the women may be moving in after i leave. there is also one lady i visit quite often whom got into an "accident" the other day. her chin was very swollen, and i do believe that someone had beaten her. (she did not want to tell, as this would make the other person look bad, and she did not want to cause any more trouble for herself...) on a different note, some ladies work from 10 o'clock in the morning to 1o'clock in the morning (and i think that sometimes i have it bad!). they will live and sleep in the bar (they have an upstairs for customers... and themselves, if they stay there.) They sleep around 7-8 hours if not interrupted, and then go back to work. this one lady told me that she could not come to english class anymore as she is working extra hours. her boyfriend told her she had to work more. so, i'm seeing her after my thai classes this month just to say hi. when i told her that i was leaving she was almost crying. she said that she was so sad because she didn't know when i was coming back. (most people know that if you do not set a date, you may not be back... and i've fallen in love with so many people out here, i'm crying!)
there have also been other stories which i just find appalling. this one lady whom comes to english quite regularly was trafficked into myanmar (former burma), where she had to service up to 20 men a day. as gruesome as this sounds, this was her life. i could go into detail... but i think that the thought of being raped 20 times a day can be quite enough information. she got out of the scenario, and although i do not know specifics, i know those last statements are facts.
there has been quite an overload on information lately, and although that can be frustrating, it's amazing when righteous anger just flows through... i talked my friend about human trafficking for almost an hour the other day... the problems between the thai and burma border (as Thai gangsters can take, or shall i say buy children at the burma border for as little as 100 baht (that's around 3 USD). for those familiar with the burmese situation, it has not been at peace since the August 8th 1988 shooting... if you want to look up the information it's quite easy to access). i just can't handle this injustice! i know that God is in control, and this allows me to sleep at night. i know that even though it's not all "okay", someone is in control.
i have also been having anger when addressing issues of division. i mean, so much of the time there is division over things which do not matter. even as christians, there has been this idea of, "well if you don't agree with my sect of christianity, then there is no reason for us to be talking". we have lost the love. we have lost the grace. but more then that we have lost focus on what really matters. what matters is Christ. what were the commandments summed up? "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. and love your neighbour as yourself." if that is true, then as we love God, we will encourage others to love him to. we will inspire others through Christ in us. "encourage each other daily." that was said for christians... to encourage each other fellow in Christ daily. "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." let's name the Christ in each other... for he does dwell in us, as long as we let him.
DK
oh, and if you feel compelled to give, (money) that's cool. the address which you can mail a cheque is bellow... the cash situation is quite low now, and although i'm not worried, i know that donating financially can be a way that you show community, and i love community (we're all brothers and sisters in this together, and i'm so happy to say that!)
anyways, here it is (oh, and you can just make the cheque out to "Danae Krahn")
Danae Krahn (c/o Ken and Emily Krahn)
Box 762
Niverville, Manitoba
R0A 1E0
CANADA
if this option is not sufficient, please let me know.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Never the chameleon
"What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: 'Faith, hope, and love'? That sounds beautiful. But I would say - courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not pyschology or literature...we lack a holy rage - the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth....a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God's earth, and the destruction of God's world. To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish...but never the chameleon."
-Kaj Munk, priest and playwright, shortly before being hung with his Bible in hand by the Gestapo in January 1944
I love these words. as much as they speak for theirself, so does the ending. I would challenge us to think about our realness of faith... not one that comes and goes with the wind, but one that stays strong and endures through the storm. to have a faith that is real enough to die for, not because it's an escape or proving but simply because we will not back down for the truth.
some say that truth is relative, to that i would say, how then can it be truth? seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. we could use our excuses to block and deflect away from God, but in the end there's still our longing, our deep sense and need for something more. the whole question is when? when will you turn away from God to harden your hearts more, and when will you fall into the beautiful grace of the one who loves you unconditionally. those thoughts usually only sinks into a head-knowledge deep, but if allowed them sink into our hearts, i believe it can change our thinking, and therefore change our lives and those around us.
now some may say, well how do you know that the truth is Christ? to that i would say, ask God. ask him... he knows your thoughts before you think them, and if you are genuine, i believe that he will revile himself to you in his timing. but, i am not God, and therefore would not be the best to "prove him" to you. he must be sought after... he likes being found, and always draws you deeper. know that his love is unconditional and the depth of his being is as well.
-Kaj Munk, priest and playwright, shortly before being hung with his Bible in hand by the Gestapo in January 1944
I love these words. as much as they speak for theirself, so does the ending. I would challenge us to think about our realness of faith... not one that comes and goes with the wind, but one that stays strong and endures through the storm. to have a faith that is real enough to die for, not because it's an escape or proving but simply because we will not back down for the truth.
some say that truth is relative, to that i would say, how then can it be truth? seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. we could use our excuses to block and deflect away from God, but in the end there's still our longing, our deep sense and need for something more. the whole question is when? when will you turn away from God to harden your hearts more, and when will you fall into the beautiful grace of the one who loves you unconditionally. those thoughts usually only sinks into a head-knowledge deep, but if allowed them sink into our hearts, i believe it can change our thinking, and therefore change our lives and those around us.
now some may say, well how do you know that the truth is Christ? to that i would say, ask God. ask him... he knows your thoughts before you think them, and if you are genuine, i believe that he will revile himself to you in his timing. but, i am not God, and therefore would not be the best to "prove him" to you. he must be sought after... he likes being found, and always draws you deeper. know that his love is unconditional and the depth of his being is as well.
Friday, February 22, 2008
moving up some stairs
so, i'm moving. it's funny 'cause i only have a month and a bit left, but i'm moving up one flight of stairs to live with some other ladies in the center. i feel as though stairs have been my life story... we have so many to climb, and even though we get closer to Christ each time we do, we also realize how little we are compared to the infinetness of Christ. i mean no matter how many stairs we climb we'll still be an infinite distance from beginning to understand Christ.
although that may sound depressing, it's actually been the most freeing thing ever. you can say, well then what's the point in trying to climb... and this is the beauty of the answer, "because we want to be closer to Christ." it's not because we need to for God to love us more or less. it's not because we have to, and it's not because we have to "tell others about Christ"... it's just that we want to be with Christ. we will tell others about Christ in the meantime. we will fall in love with the hard times, the good times and the most real times, not because it's fun but because Christ is in ALL of it. from our rising up to our lieing down... he knows everything we do. we don't have prove ourselves by going the 1,100 billionth mile, we can really be with God throughout each step, and inspire others along the way to wake up and move in Christ... just because it's much better to be present with Christ then to be distant to real life.
i have been doing a lot of thinking about options after Thailand. i'm not really worried about it, and it's quite freeing, but in all honesty i just want a real life, with real faith, real friends, and this reality changing my life and others around me. i know it's not in what i do, but in why i do it... and that's just the pressing question... why?
although that may sound depressing, it's actually been the most freeing thing ever. you can say, well then what's the point in trying to climb... and this is the beauty of the answer, "because we want to be closer to Christ." it's not because we need to for God to love us more or less. it's not because we have to, and it's not because we have to "tell others about Christ"... it's just that we want to be with Christ. we will tell others about Christ in the meantime. we will fall in love with the hard times, the good times and the most real times, not because it's fun but because Christ is in ALL of it. from our rising up to our lieing down... he knows everything we do. we don't have prove ourselves by going the 1,100 billionth mile, we can really be with God throughout each step, and inspire others along the way to wake up and move in Christ... just because it's much better to be present with Christ then to be distant to real life.
i have been doing a lot of thinking about options after Thailand. i'm not really worried about it, and it's quite freeing, but in all honesty i just want a real life, with real faith, real friends, and this reality changing my life and others around me. i know it's not in what i do, but in why i do it... and that's just the pressing question... why?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
update # 5
hey hey hey! so, here's another update. things seem to be going quite leew leew (fast) out here. it's going well, i'm enjoying it, and it's funny 'cause now when i'm feeling more solid ground in That culture, the hot 30+ weather is feeling normal, and i'm feeling more like family, i'm planning on leaving! it's funny how everything works out, like when i almost start to feel comfortable, everything seems to change! it's a good/hard thing. i've been moving a lot this past year... and as much as i've loved it, it's hard 'cause i'm going through so much! it would be nice to have a travel buddy, to bounce ideas off with, but i'm really enjoying this time in my life, just how it is. the problem is that when you travel it's hard to put into words what you're going through as it seems more like a different world rather then a different continent.
i'm excited for roy and bonita's return. they left at the end of last month for a one month excursion to the states where roy has some meetings. anyways, they'll be back this coming thursday.
things at the house have seemed a little hectic since last time. there was a fire next door, and that didn't really affect us... but the emotional side of things seems to be getting to us a lot. there's so many decisions about making good choices. i know that i've made my fare share of negative ones, but when you're on the outside looking in it brings a whole different outlook on things. i care for the ladies, but i don't care for the sin. it's hard to know how much to care and about what. i'm not stressed about it, i just care and know that they are amazing people, i just wish they knew that and accepted it, deep down into their being. there seems to be a level of heaviness in the household, it's not necessarily bad, as it can be needed for change, but it still is rather heavy!
speaking of ladies, it looks as though there's going to be another lady joining us on the 5th of next month. well, that's the plan for now. if you'd pray about it, one lady looks very interested in coming and some of her friends might come and join her as well. i'd love for more roommates!
i've also gone to cambodia since last time i wrote an update letter. it's so amazing how everything worked out, and a long story short i got a 60 day visa, which lasts exactly until the day i am going to leave. God's timing is impeccable! it's hard for me to even try to fathom how big he is... and how much he cares. i guess i'll leave you with that. God's care. i mean, it's not something i say all the time... but God is love. he's not an aspect of it or an expression of it, he is the essence of love... now what does love mean?
thank-you so much for your care, prayers and insight into my life and Christ. if you have any questions, comments, or just want to talk, you can reach me here or on facebook
i'm excited for roy and bonita's return. they left at the end of last month for a one month excursion to the states where roy has some meetings. anyways, they'll be back this coming thursday.
things at the house have seemed a little hectic since last time. there was a fire next door, and that didn't really affect us... but the emotional side of things seems to be getting to us a lot. there's so many decisions about making good choices. i know that i've made my fare share of negative ones, but when you're on the outside looking in it brings a whole different outlook on things. i care for the ladies, but i don't care for the sin. it's hard to know how much to care and about what. i'm not stressed about it, i just care and know that they are amazing people, i just wish they knew that and accepted it, deep down into their being. there seems to be a level of heaviness in the household, it's not necessarily bad, as it can be needed for change, but it still is rather heavy!
speaking of ladies, it looks as though there's going to be another lady joining us on the 5th of next month. well, that's the plan for now. if you'd pray about it, one lady looks very interested in coming and some of her friends might come and join her as well. i'd love for more roommates!
i've also gone to cambodia since last time i wrote an update letter. it's so amazing how everything worked out, and a long story short i got a 60 day visa, which lasts exactly until the day i am going to leave. God's timing is impeccable! it's hard for me to even try to fathom how big he is... and how much he cares. i guess i'll leave you with that. God's care. i mean, it's not something i say all the time... but God is love. he's not an aspect of it or an expression of it, he is the essence of love... now what does love mean?
thank-you so much for your care, prayers and insight into my life and Christ. if you have any questions, comments, or just want to talk, you can reach me here or on facebook
Saturday, February 9, 2008
finally the cambo trip
ok, so i've finally worked up the "courage" to do it!
to put in into persepective, i met this lady on tuesday night, an amazing lady who's 18, has quite an amazing story of faith by just coming to thailand after her DTS not knowing what she was to do, or anything of the sort, but just coming on faith. she was so open and broken to Christ and infront of me. it was so beautiful. so, i prayed, "God i want that. i want the faith and the brokenness in YOU! i need that to be real in life." 2 days later i'm on my way to cambodia, with no place to stay, no adjenda and no sense of control.
i guess it's what i prayed for, and it's been good. really. it's just funny how when we pray we think God will answer the prayer in a sensible way. God is way to big to be sensible... haha.
i went on the 7:30 bus to a bordering city on the thai side. when i got past the border i got into a taxi with 4 other locals (to save over 1500 baht (45 dollars)). they didn't speak english. they didn't understand me... and the 4 hours of dark nighttime as we were driving i tried to keep my attention on praying and not thinking. as doing this, i got some thoughts as to what i should do when in phnom phen, Cambodia.
anyways, arrived at 9:30 only to look on the internet for a good/cheep hostel or hotel. i found one for 10$ that has all-night check-in... so i went. it was decent and after i figured out where i was to go the next morning, i went to bed, and thanked God i was there!
the next morning i made it to the embassy, things went more then smoothly and they were very helpful and polite in how they helped me. i briefly talked to an older man whom was needing a little help getting his information filled out.
i then had a wonderful morning, and as i went to the central market in phnom phen i thought, God what am i doing here? i found myself in a market which i didn't want to be in. after that prayer, or subconcious thought i stumbled across this lovely lady and began to have conversation with her. we became great friends and she explained how she helps her mother, lives on 1 dollar a day, makes basically everything she sells, became fatherless a very young age, and how she wants to help other children whom do not have their parents to look after them.
we planned to meet at 7 later on that day. as i was walking home (to my hotel) and the man that i briefly said hi to at the embassy runs from an internet cafe and says, "hey, i found a really good deal on a bus from phnom phen to the border, you can get it here" and he pointed it out to me on a map. he was busy, so after that he just left. now, as random as this may seem, i didn't even think about the ticket the whole day. i was to leave the next morning, and it didn't ever dawn on me. so, needless to say i went and got the ticket before meeting with my new found friend from the market.
as a side note, God was asking me (before i went on the "trip to cambodia") what i did as a child on a trip. and, the conclusion was i just went along with whatever my parents did. he said, that's what i want to do for you. no adjenda just alowing me to lead. so, this whole trip was God lead and inspired by faith. it was one of the most enjoyable times ever.
so, i met my friend at a bar/restaurant/rent-rooms place. it's a bar but with they have rooms you can rent by the hour above the bar. anyways, this lady was telling me how she used to work there, but she would not go with any of the customers. (this was one of the thoughts i got in the car, if God wanted to open my eyes to prostiution in cambodia that he would do so). anyways, we had a long talk, and she was very knowledgable. she went to thailand and worked on a plantation after highschool for 2 years. now, she didn't speak the language, know the people or even have experience to what she was doing. she mentioned that they would work double the hours we would work in canada for an average day of work... with (if lucky) one day a week off.
all this injustice of one side of the world and glutony of the other side of the world put me into a righteous anger that night. although i get all the crap going on, it doesn't mean that it's easy for someone's life to be like that. they're not just stats, they're stories. they're real people that feel and care and have an outlook that is valid. that mixed with the dozens of children i saw begging for their lives (money) on the streets that night alone, struck a chord as well. life isn't what i/they/we thought it was going to be. it's real with real questions... not just always fun and games.
with that said, this travel experience was amazing to see God's imagination flow through. he is so imaginative how he got my attention with that lady and how things worked out, (driving with locals to the capital city, even from the food eating, the impecable timing, and so much more!). he's just so big, and it's amazing when "we abide in him" as oppose to just trying to comprehend him... 'cause we can't do it. but, when we abide in him, things begin to really happen.
anyways, on my way back from phenom phen i sat beside a lady. i tried to speak a little thai with her and she began to speak english. she was from burma and a refugee from the 1988 january unrest. her story was amazing. she fled the country and went to the states for 20 years, without her family or any close relatives, but along with 5,599 other refugees. she was 47 when she fled. could you imagine? anyways, she went on and on and on about her amazing story. i loved hearing it.
i then got a call from my friend (the open and broken lady i talked about before, leslie) and began talking with everything that Christ has been doing. i was on a public bus, with 99% farangs (foreigners, aka they understood what i was saying). i went on and on about this lady i met and the whole prostitution thing (when just across from me there was a man with a thai lady sitting right next to him, i have a sneeky suspicion they met that night). i went on and on about all the faith issues and everything. i kid you not, the whole bus was a dead silence. NO ONE was talking. it was very interesting, to say the least.
anyways, then i began talking with the lady about her beliefs, buddhism and again brought up the similarities between his teachings and Jesus'. i've written about that in a previous blog, but it was again a very interesting converstation.
the whirl-wind trip was amazing... and it's amazing how God answers prayers. thank-you for your care and prayers. these have been challenging times, but have always been overcome by facing the issues, grieving over them, and allowing Christ to put a new perspective on them. it's so much learning...
anyways, i'd love to hear from you! e-mails, comments, whatever. msn. my msn is on my old e-mail address- idontknowhatodosoimdoingthis@hotmail.com and my new e-mail address that you can reach me at is danaekrahn@gmail.com. i also have facebook, look me up!
thanks guys
to put in into persepective, i met this lady on tuesday night, an amazing lady who's 18, has quite an amazing story of faith by just coming to thailand after her DTS not knowing what she was to do, or anything of the sort, but just coming on faith. she was so open and broken to Christ and infront of me. it was so beautiful. so, i prayed, "God i want that. i want the faith and the brokenness in YOU! i need that to be real in life." 2 days later i'm on my way to cambodia, with no place to stay, no adjenda and no sense of control.
i guess it's what i prayed for, and it's been good. really. it's just funny how when we pray we think God will answer the prayer in a sensible way. God is way to big to be sensible... haha.
i went on the 7:30 bus to a bordering city on the thai side. when i got past the border i got into a taxi with 4 other locals (to save over 1500 baht (45 dollars)). they didn't speak english. they didn't understand me... and the 4 hours of dark nighttime as we were driving i tried to keep my attention on praying and not thinking. as doing this, i got some thoughts as to what i should do when in phnom phen, Cambodia.
anyways, arrived at 9:30 only to look on the internet for a good/cheep hostel or hotel. i found one for 10$ that has all-night check-in... so i went. it was decent and after i figured out where i was to go the next morning, i went to bed, and thanked God i was there!
the next morning i made it to the embassy, things went more then smoothly and they were very helpful and polite in how they helped me. i briefly talked to an older man whom was needing a little help getting his information filled out.
i then had a wonderful morning, and as i went to the central market in phnom phen i thought, God what am i doing here? i found myself in a market which i didn't want to be in. after that prayer, or subconcious thought i stumbled across this lovely lady and began to have conversation with her. we became great friends and she explained how she helps her mother, lives on 1 dollar a day, makes basically everything she sells, became fatherless a very young age, and how she wants to help other children whom do not have their parents to look after them.
we planned to meet at 7 later on that day. as i was walking home (to my hotel) and the man that i briefly said hi to at the embassy runs from an internet cafe and says, "hey, i found a really good deal on a bus from phnom phen to the border, you can get it here" and he pointed it out to me on a map. he was busy, so after that he just left. now, as random as this may seem, i didn't even think about the ticket the whole day. i was to leave the next morning, and it didn't ever dawn on me. so, needless to say i went and got the ticket before meeting with my new found friend from the market.
as a side note, God was asking me (before i went on the "trip to cambodia") what i did as a child on a trip. and, the conclusion was i just went along with whatever my parents did. he said, that's what i want to do for you. no adjenda just alowing me to lead. so, this whole trip was God lead and inspired by faith. it was one of the most enjoyable times ever.
so, i met my friend at a bar/restaurant/rent-rooms place. it's a bar but with they have rooms you can rent by the hour above the bar. anyways, this lady was telling me how she used to work there, but she would not go with any of the customers. (this was one of the thoughts i got in the car, if God wanted to open my eyes to prostiution in cambodia that he would do so). anyways, we had a long talk, and she was very knowledgable. she went to thailand and worked on a plantation after highschool for 2 years. now, she didn't speak the language, know the people or even have experience to what she was doing. she mentioned that they would work double the hours we would work in canada for an average day of work... with (if lucky) one day a week off.
all this injustice of one side of the world and glutony of the other side of the world put me into a righteous anger that night. although i get all the crap going on, it doesn't mean that it's easy for someone's life to be like that. they're not just stats, they're stories. they're real people that feel and care and have an outlook that is valid. that mixed with the dozens of children i saw begging for their lives (money) on the streets that night alone, struck a chord as well. life isn't what i/they/we thought it was going to be. it's real with real questions... not just always fun and games.
with that said, this travel experience was amazing to see God's imagination flow through. he is so imaginative how he got my attention with that lady and how things worked out, (driving with locals to the capital city, even from the food eating, the impecable timing, and so much more!). he's just so big, and it's amazing when "we abide in him" as oppose to just trying to comprehend him... 'cause we can't do it. but, when we abide in him, things begin to really happen.
anyways, on my way back from phenom phen i sat beside a lady. i tried to speak a little thai with her and she began to speak english. she was from burma and a refugee from the 1988 january unrest. her story was amazing. she fled the country and went to the states for 20 years, without her family or any close relatives, but along with 5,599 other refugees. she was 47 when she fled. could you imagine? anyways, she went on and on and on about her amazing story. i loved hearing it.
i then got a call from my friend (the open and broken lady i talked about before, leslie) and began talking with everything that Christ has been doing. i was on a public bus, with 99% farangs (foreigners, aka they understood what i was saying). i went on and on about this lady i met and the whole prostitution thing (when just across from me there was a man with a thai lady sitting right next to him, i have a sneeky suspicion they met that night). i went on and on about all the faith issues and everything. i kid you not, the whole bus was a dead silence. NO ONE was talking. it was very interesting, to say the least.
anyways, then i began talking with the lady about her beliefs, buddhism and again brought up the similarities between his teachings and Jesus'. i've written about that in a previous blog, but it was again a very interesting converstation.
the whirl-wind trip was amazing... and it's amazing how God answers prayers. thank-you for your care and prayers. these have been challenging times, but have always been overcome by facing the issues, grieving over them, and allowing Christ to put a new perspective on them. it's so much learning...
anyways, i'd love to hear from you! e-mails, comments, whatever. msn. my msn is on my old e-mail address- idontknowhatodosoimdoingthis@hotmail.com and my new e-mail address that you can reach me at is danaekrahn@gmail.com. i also have facebook, look me up!
thanks guys
Sunday, February 3, 2008
God is God
although i am extatic about what Christ did on the trip, i feel quite unable to talk about the events. seeing the little children on the streets, seeing the prostitution along the riverside and the dire need for love has struck a chord.
i get angry about the greed of my nation and the injustice of others. the need to please in other nations, and the need to be right in ours. we're all messed up. i get it. but, where is God in all of it? where is Christ.
if Christ and God is real i have to be able to ask God the tough questions like, "God, i know that you say, 'i know the desires of your heart.' but how can you care about the desires of people who beg for their next meal, for those who are discriminated against, and little children who don't know where they are going to sleep? it just doesn't make sense." and be able to beleive that he is still God after those questions are asked. not saying that they will all be answered but saying that there is a faith that when he said, "seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you" he meant it. anyways, a lot has been going through my head about this, and it's hard for me to all take in.
anyways, i'm doing well. i really am. it's been nice to be open with Christ about what's going on and feeling open about my feelings. it's also been streching in many ways.
i get angry about the greed of my nation and the injustice of others. the need to please in other nations, and the need to be right in ours. we're all messed up. i get it. but, where is God in all of it? where is Christ.
if Christ and God is real i have to be able to ask God the tough questions like, "God, i know that you say, 'i know the desires of your heart.' but how can you care about the desires of people who beg for their next meal, for those who are discriminated against, and little children who don't know where they are going to sleep? it just doesn't make sense." and be able to beleive that he is still God after those questions are asked. not saying that they will all be answered but saying that there is a faith that when he said, "seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you" he meant it. anyways, a lot has been going through my head about this, and it's hard for me to all take in.
anyways, i'm doing well. i really am. it's been nice to be open with Christ about what's going on and feeling open about my feelings. it's also been streching in many ways.
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