Let's Transform!

Light.

2008-06-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

i am in the light, literally. i'm sitting outside in my front lawn enjoying the sun. there's no life without the sun, right? i know this may sound cheezy, but there's no life without Jesus, the Son of God, either. Yeah, we can all physically live and move around. But for our soul to be activated, that's a Jesus job. To be completely honest, I don't know what that looks like half the time. People say, "Be Jeusus with skin on", and i agree, but how does this apply to me today? Where is the sun at nighttime? Do we just wait until he's back again, or do we go and find him in other ways? In ways that can help us anytime. I don't mean "make God whatever you want", but rather allow God and Christ to abide in you. Not a checklist to abide, and not a adjenda to stand strong, but a love and truth for Christ. This is different for everyone, so we've got to become adaptors. You know, just like the one's you use when you travel to change the outlet form to be used in other countries. We have to adapt our Christ for others. We have to be Jesus' reflection as much as we can be. Kinda like the moon of Jesus... to reflect him, whenever. We'll never come close to the Son, but we will be able to be one heck of a moon. There's no formula, no matter how long you look or how hard you try, God made people different. This is just an encouragement to try.

no religion please

2008-06-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

don't be afraid. look to me and i will answer you. follow me, the road is narrow and the path is winding... but i will be with you; never leave you or forsake you. listen to me to become familiar with the sound of your everlasting Father so that you may be empowered to go and live in the real world.

what is the real world? it seems as if the real world is something that can be a meer imagination of what it actually is. it's a mirage, something that seems so real but ends up to be a mind game. the trick happens when a subject is believed, regardless of it's validity or truth... it just is believed because that is the desire of our beings, to believe what we want as truth. but does meerly believing it make it true? if one is the most beautiful of all, and yet they believe they're ugly, does that make it true? if blue actually looks like green to someone, does that actually make it green? if someone loves another, but the other doesn't believe it, does that make it invalid? if someone has never seen the ocean would they be right to say that it is a solid? NO. you can convince yourself that you're ugly, that blue is actually green, that you are not loved and that there is no such thing as swimming, but you're wrong. opinion and viewpoint does not constitute as truth.

we try to define truth in scientific ways, equations, facts and sought out thesis's; because in our world that is truth. but what if you'd be able to think beyond the right and wrong to come to grace. i will never understand grace. you see, grace is different then mercy as mercy is just making your slate clean, washing all the bad stuff off. but grace is mercy with blessings added. you are not only forgiven but given extra good stuff. it doesn't make sense?! how can you recieve when you've wronged? where's the tally chart, it doesn't add up! and that's God. God is grace, a second, third and billionth chance. and God's grace through Jesus. yeah we could get to God without Jesus being there, by sacrificing animals as a form of attonment for our sin, and doing many rituals. but, Jesus did it... and that's the beautiful thing is that Jesus took sin in order to break it's hold on humankind by dieing. every lamb that was sacrificed before Jesus was not perfect, and that's why Jesus broke the curse, he was perfect. it says, "he made captivity itself a captive"... let that sink in. the original captivity is sin and he made it captive so that everyone could be free of sin. the way the truth and the life. it's not about religion it's about Jesus.

peace be the journey

2008-05-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

it's time. time to step back into society. it doesn't really feel right, i feel like steping inside of my shell would be so much easier. just if i could stay inside the shell for one more minute, hour, or day that would solve it right?

sometimes it seems like the more "processing" done, the more i realize that i don't want to realize all that's happened. i mean there's the point of just letting life be, but then there's also the point of caring where you will be. i think that without process there is no real recolection. if we can't go through what's actually happened in our lives one more time whether that be sharing it with others, talking to yourself about it, thinking about it, or whatever... we're not really living. we don't live if we are always looking forwards, and we don't live if we're always looking back... we live when we move and experience what's infront of us, whether that be making new tracks, or going over one that has already been taken. it's like our lives are a journey... some people get lost (everyone does somewhere in life actually) some are "on to a destination" and others don't even want to open their eyes. what i'm saying is that we're all different, making our own paths, making our own journeys. but what happens when we meet someone on the road? wouldn't you want to reminise about your own stories? the great view from the top of the mountain and long journey it took to get there? just to really talk about the valleys and the struggle on how to get out... and the amazing clear air...yes you would, they would, we all would!

yet, we don't when it comes to real life. we don't talk about our past in fear of not being able to overcome it again. we fear that going back to the late nights of staying up until when you should wake up, and thinking about suicide may not actually be over. we fear the unknown of the past because we don't think others will understand it, but really we don't want to deal with it anymore. why is it that we don't want to go back to those hurts and overcome our fears? we've believed we can't. we've come to believe that to become complacent with life is better then to face it, 'cause there's going to be no conclusion we come to. we stay stuck. and no one likes that. no one likes other people finding them on the journey when they can't move, or refuse to. others offer help, while we just say, "oh no thanks i'm okay here. don't worry." we're so proud of complacency because it's what allows us to live everyday. it's our life source. our life source is the very thing that is going to kill us in the end.

we're not made to get by in life, only to enjoy the mountain top views that come our way... living from one high experience to the other. we were made for the journey. yeah, i understand that when you're in the journey and you hit a valley, that you actually don't want to live in it. you feel alone, sick, so exhausted of just "getting by". but there's more to life then getting by, and it's not based on the highs and low because highs and lows come and go. it's based on the journey, so who are you going to follow while walking? i've chosen to follow the way, truth and life, aka Jesus Christ. he doesn't take away the bad experiences, or give me a whole life full of good ones, you know what he does? he's there throughout it all, desiring me to be with him throughout it all. he doesn't us to only experience life with him through the highs and the lows, but through all of it! he's always there, but sometimes we don't even acknowledge him or want him around, so we pretend like he's not... but he's here living with us. it's just our choice to acknowledge him, and follow him.... everyday.

home sweet home

2008-04-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

hey so i'm home... and loving it so far! it's not as culture shocked as many other places such as england or california. it was nice that i went there before the whole home journey as it's helped out a lot both in culture shock wise as well as time difference wise. the cultures are just so different, from induvidual to a community base. it's kinda been a little bit different in the whole mindset of things.

i'm really enjoying it and having a great time just being home, yet it's just so chill. yeah, we'll see what happens later on, but right now it seems to be going great.

anyways, thanks for the prayers and thoughts along the way, i'll still be updating this, but probably not my corporate e-mails... as i'm not "away from home" anymore... i hope the personal letters stay in tact though!

DK

england (take 2)

2008-04-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

hey i'm in england... jet lagged and having some fun at my friend suzies house... it kinda feels like home when i'm staying here... it's "lovely" as suzie always says!

england

2008-04-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

hey! leaving for london heathrow as we speak. it's been quite good so far! wow, time is flying!

111 § and zy

2008-04-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

hey, if i mix up the z and ys it§s cause their opposite here... and i can§t parenthasiye or use the apostrophe either... but i§m using a chey internet11111111 i can§t do the exclamation mark either... haha.

so, zeah i§m in the chey republic now, cheskz krumlov to be exact. it§s amaying and it§s a reallz small little town, with a whole lot of historz. it§s been cool to see different people, and zet globallzz comprehend how we§re so similar. it§s been an amaying couple of dazs and i§m excited to e=mail zou when it§s not so expensive.

oh, and i§ll still check mz e=mails as much as i can1

flights

2008-04-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

so, i made it to amman. it's been eventful travel time. the first flight (from bangkok to abu dhabi) was cool. i watched 2 movies ("i love you", an fillipino movie and "au chocolate") while sitting beside a french couple. they were quite nice and although we didn't speak the same language, i knew that there was a connection through the hospitality and at the end of the trip the man was actually translating french words to english (on the screen that's provided on the backseat of the person infront of you)... anyways, it was enjoyable. the next one was different. i realized the differences between the flight attendants. it didn't seem as a "glamour" thing anymore it was more like, this is my job and whatever. it was good, and short, leaving abu dhabi and flying to amman. i had my own 3 seats and it was quite comfy.

then i had a 20hr layover in the airport. everything costs quite a bit when you travel out of the airport and since my passport only has 4 pages left, i want to get as little stamps as possible. that's right, i slept in the waiting area. and i was so exhausted i got quite a bit of R&R... it was so nice. i tried getting into the "Royal Jordanian VIP Area" for those 20 hrs, but they said they could only allow me in 4 hrs prior to departure. so, that's where i am now, it's quite nice... free food, internet and any type of drinks (oh and cool sofas)! i'm quite relaxed.

the luggage had to be transfered from one of the attendants, and since it is a 20 hr layover i am a little concerned that the luggage may get "lost in translation"... hopefully not. it would just mean i'd have to spend the night in vienna, when the original plan is to go to the czech republic the same day.

with that said i don't know if i will be able to have internet access in the near future. i will try to stay in contact, either through blog or e-mail (g-mail isn't working at the moment) but, if i cannot, please do not worry.

thank-you for your thoughts and your prayers. if you remember to p*ay for this area of the world, there is need. the human inequalities have really been highlighted to me. there are around 1 lady to 10 men within the airport, and outside the airport it looks to be the same (guestimated figure by me)... anyways, this culture is very different. don't get me wrong, i LOVE the middle east.

NEVER too late

2008-03-29T11:31:00.000-07:00

my friend had a birthday party today... it was pretty cool. the party ended late, around midnight. and as i got home on the last BTS train (sky train), leaving at midnight, i decided that the night wasn't over for me. i live on soi 4. it's known for the "farang (foreigner) red light district" which includes thai ladies as well as lady boys to rent for the night. right across from it is soi 5, which is known for the "middle east red light district" which usually has women from russia, little thai women. which only leads me to the next street over from the middle east district which, is packed with male prostitutes from africa, and some women as well. this is for the asian women to pick up or for gay men. it's quite different... and since i was there during the end of the night (as all the bars close @ 1:00am) there was a lot of prostitutes waiting to find the "lucky one" for the night. i got a shwarma (meat wrapped in an amazing pita bread) in the middle east section, noting that i was dressed conservativly enough to be known not to be a prostitute. and i sat there and watched. i watched the african men walk across the street and conspiculously talk to their friend... waiting for a customer. i watched the middle eastern men have their shisha (smoke tobacco). i watched ladies and "want to be ladies" walk past in the smallest clothes possible. i watched some burmese people repairing the road. i took in the sights, the smells, the people. and then i watched a lady that came to english class walk by. i didn't say hi though. her head was down as she walked past, not wanting anyone to acknowledge her, let alone recognize or talk to her. she had accomplished her duty for the night as she was being lead by a white man, probably to an appartment, where she would probably be sexually abused the rest of the night. yet, it is justified by allowing the family to get some extra cash. what she was wearing caught me off guard though. rather then the tight clothes in the bar she had one of the baggiest t-shirts on... and regular shorts.

you know, no one was ever too bad for jesus. no one. jesus' life isn't meant to be just a story that is told 'cause it sounds good. it's meant to transform others... the first person jesus reviled himself to after he rose from the dead is an ex prostitute. mary magdalene was at the tomb. she wasn't really that well off anymore. within the culture it's almost certain that she was ex-communicated from her family, could not get a husband and didn't have many job oppotunities. she didn't have much other things to do... she didn't really have many other places to go... so she just stayed at jesus' feet (or tomb), 'cause that's all she knew that helped. she was passionate about her Lord 'cause HE is the one that accpeted her, valued her, and gave her dignity for whom she was not based on what she did.

NEVER too bad... NEVER too late to be transformed.

i'm actually coming home!?!!!!!

2008-03-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

so here it is. the last week of staying here in thailand. it's been worth every moment of it. i can't say it enough. the culture is so interesting, the people are amazing, the food is astounding and the weather is to die for. i truly fell in love with this home away from home. it really does feel like my second home. i am picky about rice! haha... i truly love everything here, and although it's hard to go, it's also VERY nice that i'm going to be home for a while. i don't know where i'm going to school or what's all going to happen, but i know that i am coming back on the 16th of april.

i land on the 16th flying in from calgary. so, yeah! i'm really excited that things are set in stone. it's official! less then a month... around 3 weeks. oh my word! that's SO soon. so, i'm excited to see you, and i'm sad about rapping the time up here... but that doesn't mean that it's not going to be great to see you!

thank-you for your prayers, thoughts, and e-mails!

DK

"Good" Friday

2008-03-21T01:35:00.001-07:00

it's easter. well, really it's when Jesus died. It's not about the bunnys this year. there are no easter bunnys in Thailand. but, it's probably for the best 'cause they're usually stashed until no one eats them anyways. it's not about the fluff of the holiday to get me in the mood and celebrate jesus' death.

i've always found "good friday" a really weird name. why would anyone call the day when Jesus dies good? and honestly if he would've only died i don't think it would've been that good. everyone dies. why do we die? the wages of sin is death. but he didn't sin... so really "good friday" is only good because of the sunday that's coming.

isn't jesus' life like ours? i mean, the story of death and ressurection? we are to die to sin and be alive in Christ. rather then deflecting off all the sin that we have to die to, let's call it good, and then do it. we are to die. but we are not to die not because of the hurt and pain or the means to the end, but because of the new life. it is a new life. we can live in a new life. we can.

romans 6 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a ressurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. For whoever has died is freed from sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has domininion over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. So you also might consider yoursleves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

isn't Christ amazing? he died for us even though many would reject him. he died for us...

i'm pissed off

2008-03-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

i don't know if this is the right thing to say, but i'm pissed off. honestly, enough of this "having it all together" thing. if there's anything i've noticed it's me NOT having it all together, and that's what kinda makes Christ applicable to our lives.

anyways, i'm moohoo (angry to the point of letting loose) because of Christians. that's right, not the injustice and everything crappy that's going on. and don't get me wrong, i get mad at that too (a lot). but, i get mad when people pretend like they know they have everything. like, they're the answer. actually, if you notice that i act that way if/when (j/k, when) i go to canada... please let me know. honestly, i can't stand it. i mean, if people all of a sudden think that they've got all the answers, i think we've lost Christ then. we're NOT the answer. and we're NOT to have all the answers. we're NOT God. i mean, honestly, when did we become so self-righteous to think that it's about us. it's not. i mean, honestly we are each one of the infinate people on earth... it just makes me so mad and then changes into saddness that we've lost something of Christ in our own self-righteousness. i begin to think, how were the pharassees different then i am? honestly.

travel from here to there

2008-03-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

ok, here's the plan yo! i'm leaving bangkok on april first... so it's quite close. i'm then going to travel a little bit, as i will be taking flights from the around the world ticket (from the YWAM school), and thought that it would be a waste to not stop some places. so, i'm flying into amman, jordan and am going to have a 22 hour layover. which is quite long, but it is because i had to buy a seperate round ticket from amman, jordan to bankok, thailand. it's just how the flights worked out. hopefully i'll be able to stay in the airport terminal for this time as it takes quite a bit money to go out and 'cause i'm running low on pages in my passport. i went to go add pages in the canadian embassy but they said that you can't add pages anymore and that i have to get a new passport entirely if i would want to do that. (as a side note, you can originally get a passport that has either 24 or 48 pages, but this has to be done when you are originally getting the passport... just for future refterence) i was not a huge fan of gettting a whole new passport, and i also need someone to sign for it, so i can't get a new one out here. long story short, i do not want another stamp from amman jordan if i do not need to. since i'm staying in the airport i hopefully will not need to get a stamp. the only problem is that i am not going to be traveling with the same airline, so that is why it may be a problem.
anyways, i will then be traveling to vienna, austria to go overland to the chez republic. if anyone knows anything specific that i should see in the chez that'd be cool! i'm stayin for around 5 days. then i'll be going to london, england to meet up with some school friends... and then landing in California on the 10th of april. i will be spending some time there with my friends, which i am VERY excited about, and hopefully i'll make it up to canada mid/late april. i'm not sure the exact date, but if i know it before i come i'll let you know!

that's the plan for now, hopefully all the passport stuff as well as luggage transfers work out as i will be moving quite fast from one area to the next. your payers within me being here for the last couple of weeks as well as travel afterwards would be much appreciated.

i am enjoying life out here, and yet seem a bit more flustered then usual, as i am tending to focus on what i need to do, rather then just being present here. it's annoying when i find myself like that, i actually hate it. it's been really hard for me to just be present. i love thailand, and the people. i think that's why it's hard. i just want to either be here, or not... 'cause it's so hard to just know i'm going to leave amazing people behind, people that have shapped my life, and have really affected me in amazing ways. it's hard to leave my "home" (for the last 6 months) because i have come to realize that it's not about where i am that makes it home, but rather the people that make it home. it's just really hard to acknowledge that i'm not going to be here anymore.

with that said i am more then extatic to see everyone in canada. i LOVE you guys, and am more then excited to finally see faces that i've been so deprived of for a long time. the support from all of you has been amazing and i am more then thrilled to see you all once again. i litterally cannot wait... but have to for about a month.

it's going to seem like another world... and i'm trying to get into the thought that being an alien isn't as bad as i can sometimes make it seem. it's just different.

Change or Transform?

2008-03-07T06:30:00.000-08:00

what is change? i mean, so much of the time i hear myself say, oh i just want to change the way i do some things, from the way i look to the way i act... but i'm starting to think that it might not be in change but in transformation.

when we change, we're looking at our old way of doing something, and adapting it to be something better. it's kinda like we're reactive rather then proactive. we notice something's negative and then change. but, that means we are changing to "fix" the problem, rather then solve it. let me explain. it's like if you'd be in a house that has a leak in one of the pipes. we tell the plumber to just weld the pipe together, or at most to replace the one part. the plumber then notices that the whole piping is rusted out and should be replaced. but we say, "i don't have enough money to replace all the piping right now, so i'm sorry. can you just fix it for now?" (we're unwilling to make sacrifices to make it happen, is usually the problem)

we're not trying to make things better, but make them work. some people actually allow all the piping to be re-installed, and i LOVE when that happens. unfortunatley most of the time we only fix the problem 'cause we think that's all that can be done. we think that if we take apart the whole piping, it's going to cost too much, and take too long, and be too much work. we convince ourselves that it's not worth it... but something that we do not consciously do is hand it down to next generations. the rusty pipes will affect anyone who would be using the pipes in any sort of form, but especially those living in the house. these problems affect others.

anyways, i like allowing God to reviel the problems with the piping (issues/core beliefs) in my life and others... not because it's fun but because i do believe that it can be done, not on our own strength but on Christ. to deal with the problems, grieving through the issues of life, and allowing our lives to be transformed by Christ each and everyday. to take up our cross and follow him, and to mourn and be comforted by Christ. he's a great confider... 'cause he always has insight into the issues as he totally understands everything we go through. (he made us, how couldn't he know?!)

so, is it change that we want? or do we want something totally different. i don't know if you remember when you "became a Christian" but i remember when i chose to follow Christ. it wasn't when i was 5 saying a prayer on the couch, or 13 in youth-group, although those were good times in my life, they were not a dedication to a new way of life, but rather confirming what i had been doing. no, that's not when i chose to follow Christ. i chose to follow Christ through the hard times in life. after i had lied to those i loved, hated my life, and lost intrest in most things i had enjoyed. and then i crumbled at the cross of Christ, and told him what i thought... and gave up to truth. i told him i hated what i was doing, but found no reason to do stuff differently if we were all just going to die anyways. i told him that i did not understand the reason to live if all we did was go to school, graduate, get married, have kids and die, 'cause if that's all there is to life then why would anyone live? i told him a whole lot more as well... like how i was sick of religion. and how we all try to pretend like if we do these 10 things we're going to go to heaven... it's pretend 'cause when would you ever know that you're good enough to go to heaven? when would you ever know that you've done enough or accomplished enough or proved yourself enough? and my thought is never.

so i gave up. i gave up to the truth that we never can do enough. that we don't deserve to go to heaven... and these facts show me that it's not based on me but on something else. on Christ. Christ is freeing 'cause of grace. yes, because of global relevance in his teaching and because of his amazing outlook on others and how to love them... but first i started with grace. 'cause when you get grace (being given something you don't deserve) then you transform. you don't change. you transform. the difference of transformation and change is that transformation happens on the inside and is expressed out, while change is trying to change the outward expression to define what's inside.

every behavior is purposeful. so, everything that we do is because of something. most of the time we try to make our behavior perfect, so that others may be fooled into thinking that we essentially are perfect. but, no matter how many people we fool, we never fool ourself. and after you've made the profile of yourself, it can be hard to just be real for once.

so, that's a little bit on transformation. transformation changes how we view life... and therefore changes how we do things. unfortunately we are (or at least i am) human, and can go back and forth between what we believe as core truths.

Update #5

2008-03-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

so, here i am in thailand. it still seems like a blur. sometimes when traveling to another country, it seems like you're actually traveling to another world. honestly. there is so much to process sometimes. there is one part of me that thinks that i've landed yesterday, and then there's the other which seems like i've just been here for years. it's as if things are just... zooming by in the sense that i'm finally feeling apart of this "world" a little more, and i'm going to be leaving in a month.

there are many things to say... but first i want to say thank-you. thank-you for your support, not only financially but spiritually. from the prayers to the e-mails, snail mail to facebook... you have all been such an asset. you are a vital community in my life. although i may be thousands of miles away, this does not mean that i have forgotten any of you. i may have contracted a lot of things in thailand, but amnesia is not one of them. (haha?)

anyways, things at the bar have become a little more intense as some of the women may be moving in after i leave. there is also one lady i visit quite often whom got into an "accident" the other day. her chin was very swollen, and i do believe that someone had beaten her. (she did not want to tell, as this would make the other person look bad, and she did not want to cause any more trouble for herself...) on a different note, some ladies work from 10 o'clock in the morning to 1o'clock in the morning (and i think that sometimes i have it bad!). they will live and sleep in the bar (they have an upstairs for customers... and themselves, if they stay there.) They sleep around 7-8 hours if not interrupted, and then go back to work. this one lady told me that she could not come to english class anymore as she is working extra hours. her boyfriend told her she had to work more. so, i'm seeing her after my thai classes this month just to say hi. when i told her that i was leaving she was almost crying. she said that she was so sad because she didn't know when i was coming back. (most people know that if you do not set a date, you may not be back... and i've fallen in love with so many people out here, i'm crying!)

there have also been other stories which i just find appalling. this one lady whom comes to english quite regularly was trafficked into myanmar (former burma), where she had to service up to 20 men a day. as gruesome as this sounds, this was her life. i could go into detail... but i think that the thought of being raped 20 times a day can be quite enough information. she got out of the scenario, and although i do not know specifics, i know those last statements are facts.

there has been quite an overload on information lately, and although that can be frustrating, it's amazing when righteous anger just flows through... i talked my friend about human trafficking for almost an hour the other day... the problems between the thai and burma border (as Thai gangsters can take, or shall i say buy children at the burma border for as little as 100 baht (that's around 3 USD). for those familiar with the burmese situation, it has not been at peace since the August 8th 1988 shooting... if you want to look up the information it's quite easy to access). i just can't handle this injustice! i know that God is in control, and this allows me to sleep at night. i know that even though it's not all "okay", someone is in control.

i have also been having anger when addressing issues of division. i mean, so much of the time there is division over things which do not matter. even as christians, there has been this idea of, "well if you don't agree with my sect of christianity, then there is no reason for us to be talking". we have lost the love. we have lost the grace. but more then that we have lost focus on what really matters. what matters is Christ. what were the commandments summed up? "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. and love your neighbour as yourself." if that is true, then as we love God, we will encourage others to love him to. we will inspire others through Christ in us. "encourage each other daily." that was said for christians... to encourage each other fellow in Christ daily. "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." let's name the Christ in each other... for he does dwell in us, as long as we let him.

DK

oh, and if you feel compelled to give, (money) that's cool. the address which you can mail a cheque is bellow... the cash situation is quite low now, and although i'm not worried, i know that donating financially can be a way that you show community, and i love community (we're all brothers and sisters in this together, and i'm so happy to say that!)

anyways, here it is (oh, and you can just make the cheque out to "Danae Krahn")

Danae Krahn (c/o Ken and Emily Krahn)
Box 762
Niverville, Manitoba
R0A 1E0
CANADA

if this option is not sufficient, please let me know.

Never the chameleon

2008-02-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

"What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: 'Faith, hope, and love'? That sounds beautiful. But I would say - courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not pyschology or literature...we lack a holy rage - the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth....a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God's earth, and the destruction of God's world. To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish...but never the chameleon."

-Kaj Munk, priest and playwright, shortly before being hung with his Bible in hand by the Gestapo in January 1944

I love these words. as much as they speak for theirself, so does the ending. I would challenge us to think about our realness of faith... not one that comes and goes with the wind, but one that stays strong and endures through the storm. to have a faith that is real enough to die for, not because it's an escape or proving but simply because we will not back down for the truth.

some say that truth is relative, to that i would say, how then can it be truth? seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. we could use our excuses to block and deflect away from God, but in the end there's still our longing, our deep sense and need for something more. the whole question is when? when will you turn away from God to harden your hearts more, and when will you fall into the beautiful grace of the one who loves you unconditionally. those thoughts usually only sinks into a head-knowledge deep, but if allowed them sink into our hearts, i believe it can change our thinking, and therefore change our lives and those around us.

now some may say, well how do you know that the truth is Christ? to that i would say, ask God. ask him... he knows your thoughts before you think them, and if you are genuine, i believe that he will revile himself to you in his timing. but, i am not God, and therefore would not be the best to "prove him" to you. he must be sought after... he likes being found, and always draws you deeper. know that his love is unconditional and the depth of his being is as well.

moving up some stairs

2008-02-22T04:00:00.001-08:00

so, i'm moving. it's funny 'cause i only have a month and a bit left, but i'm moving up one flight of stairs to live with some other ladies in the center. i feel as though stairs have been my life story... we have so many to climb, and even though we get closer to Christ each time we do, we also realize how little we are compared to the infinetness of Christ. i mean no matter how many stairs we climb we'll still be an infinite distance from beginning to understand Christ.

although that may sound depressing, it's actually been the most freeing thing ever. you can say, well then what's the point in trying to climb... and this is the beauty of the answer, "because we want to be closer to Christ." it's not because we need to for God to love us more or less. it's not because we have to, and it's not because we have to "tell others about Christ"... it's just that we want to be with Christ. we will tell others about Christ in the meantime. we will fall in love with the hard times, the good times and the most real times, not because it's fun but because Christ is in ALL of it. from our rising up to our lieing down... he knows everything we do. we don't have prove ourselves by going the 1,100 billionth mile, we can really be with God throughout each step, and inspire others along the way to wake up and move in Christ... just because it's much better to be present with Christ then to be distant to real life.

i have been doing a lot of thinking about options after Thailand. i'm not really worried about it, and it's quite freeing, but in all honesty i just want a real life, with real faith, real friends, and this reality changing my life and others around me. i know it's not in what i do, but in why i do it... and that's just the pressing question... why?

update # 5

2008-02-16T04:03:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey! so, here's another update. things seem to be going quite leew leew (fast) out here. it's going well, i'm enjoying it, and it's funny 'cause now when i'm feeling more solid ground in That culture, the hot 30+ weather is feeling normal, and i'm feeling more like family, i'm planning on leaving! it's funny how everything works out, like when i almost start to feel comfortable, everything seems to change! it's a good/hard thing. i've been moving a lot this past year... and as much as i've loved it, it's hard 'cause i'm going through so much! it would be nice to have a travel buddy, to bounce ideas off with, but i'm really enjoying this time in my life, just how it is. the problem is that when you travel it's hard to put into words what you're going through as it seems more like a different world rather then a different continent.

i'm excited for roy and bonita's return. they left at the end of last month for a one month excursion to the states where roy has some meetings. anyways, they'll be back this coming thursday.

things at the house have seemed a little hectic since last time. there was a fire next door, and that didn't really affect us... but the emotional side of things seems to be getting to us a lot. there's so many decisions about making good choices. i know that i've made my fare share of negative ones, but when you're on the outside looking in it brings a whole different outlook on things. i care for the ladies, but i don't care for the sin. it's hard to know how much to care and about what. i'm not stressed about it, i just care and know that they are amazing people, i just wish they knew that and accepted it, deep down into their being. there seems to be a level of heaviness in the household, it's not necessarily bad, as it can be needed for change, but it still is rather heavy!

speaking of ladies, it looks as though there's going to be another lady joining us on the 5th of next month. well, that's the plan for now. if you'd pray about it, one lady looks very interested in coming and some of her friends might come and join her as well. i'd love for more roommates!

i've also gone to cambodia since last time i wrote an update letter. it's so amazing how everything worked out, and a long story short i got a 60 day visa, which lasts exactly until the day i am going to leave. God's timing is impeccable! it's hard for me to even try to fathom how big he is... and how much he cares. i guess i'll leave you with that. God's care. i mean, it's not something i say all the time... but God is love. he's not an aspect of it or an expression of it, he is the essence of love... now what does love mean?

thank-you so much for your care, prayers and insight into my life and Christ. if you have any questions, comments, or just want to talk, you can reach me here or on facebook

finally the cambo trip

2008-02-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

ok, so i've finally worked up the "courage" to do it!

to put in into persepective, i met this lady on tuesday night, an amazing lady who's 18, has quite an amazing story of faith by just coming to thailand after her DTS not knowing what she was to do, or anything of the sort, but just coming on faith. she was so open and broken to Christ and infront of me. it was so beautiful. so, i prayed, "God i want that. i want the faith and the brokenness in YOU! i need that to be real in life." 2 days later i'm on my way to cambodia, with no place to stay, no adjenda and no sense of control.

i guess it's what i prayed for, and it's been good. really. it's just funny how when we pray we think God will answer the prayer in a sensible way. God is way to big to be sensible... haha.

i went on the 7:30 bus to a bordering city on the thai side. when i got past the border i got into a taxi with 4 other locals (to save over 1500 baht (45 dollars)). they didn't speak english. they didn't understand me... and the 4 hours of dark nighttime as we were driving i tried to keep my attention on praying and not thinking. as doing this, i got some thoughts as to what i should do when in phnom phen, Cambodia.

anyways, arrived at 9:30 only to look on the internet for a good/cheep hostel or hotel. i found one for 10$ that has all-night check-in... so i went. it was decent and after i figured out where i was to go the next morning, i went to bed, and thanked God i was there!

the next morning i made it to the embassy, things went more then smoothly and they were very helpful and polite in how they helped me. i briefly talked to an older man whom was needing a little help getting his information filled out.

i then had a wonderful morning, and as i went to the central market in phnom phen i thought, God what am i doing here? i found myself in a market which i didn't want to be in. after that prayer, or subconcious thought i stumbled across this lovely lady and began to have conversation with her. we became great friends and she explained how she helps her mother, lives on 1 dollar a day, makes basically everything she sells, became fatherless a very young age, and how she wants to help other children whom do not have their parents to look after them.

we planned to meet at 7 later on that day. as i was walking home (to my hotel) and the man that i briefly said hi to at the embassy runs from an internet cafe and says, "hey, i found a really good deal on a bus from phnom phen to the border, you can get it here" and he pointed it out to me on a map. he was busy, so after that he just left. now, as random as this may seem, i didn't even think about the ticket the whole day. i was to leave the next morning, and it didn't ever dawn on me. so, needless to say i went and got the ticket before meeting with my new found friend from the market.

as a side note, God was asking me (before i went on the "trip to cambodia") what i did as a child on a trip. and, the conclusion was i just went along with whatever my parents did. he said, that's what i want to do for you. no adjenda just alowing me to lead. so, this whole trip was God lead and inspired by faith. it was one of the most enjoyable times ever.

so, i met my friend at a bar/restaurant/rent-rooms place. it's a bar but with they have rooms you can rent by the hour above the bar. anyways, this lady was telling me how she used to work there, but she would not go with any of the customers. (this was one of the thoughts i got in the car, if God wanted to open my eyes to prostiution in cambodia that he would do so). anyways, we had a long talk, and she was very knowledgable. she went to thailand and worked on a plantation after highschool for 2 years. now, she didn't speak the language, know the people or even have experience to what she was doing. she mentioned that they would work double the hours we would work in canada for an average day of work... with (if lucky) one day a week off.

all this injustice of one side of the world and glutony of the other side of the world put me into a righteous anger that night. although i get all the crap going on, it doesn't mean that it's easy for someone's life to be like that. they're not just stats, they're stories. they're real people that feel and care and have an outlook that is valid. that mixed with the dozens of children i saw begging for their lives (money) on the streets that night alone, struck a chord as well. life isn't what i/they/we thought it was going to be. it's real with real questions... not just always fun and games.

with that said, this travel experience was amazing to see God's imagination flow through. he is so imaginative how he got my attention with that lady and how things worked out, (driving with locals to the capital city, even from the food eating, the impecable timing, and so much more!). he's just so big, and it's amazing when "we abide in him" as oppose to just trying to comprehend him... 'cause we can't do it. but, when we abide in him, things begin to really happen.

anyways, on my way back from phenom phen i sat beside a lady. i tried to speak a little thai with her and she began to speak english. she was from burma and a refugee from the 1988 january unrest. her story was amazing. she fled the country and went to the states for 20 years, without her family or any close relatives, but along with 5,599 other refugees. she was 47 when she fled. could you imagine? anyways, she went on and on and on about her amazing story. i loved hearing it.

i then got a call from my friend (the open and broken lady i talked about before, leslie) and began talking with everything that Christ has been doing. i was on a public bus, with 99% farangs (foreigners, aka they understood what i was saying). i went on and on about this lady i met and the whole prostitution thing (when just across from me there was a man with a thai lady sitting right next to him, i have a sneeky suspicion they met that night). i went on and on about all the faith issues and everything. i kid you not, the whole bus was a dead silence. NO ONE was talking. it was very interesting, to say the least.

anyways, then i began talking with the lady about her beliefs, buddhism and again brought up the similarities between his teachings and Jesus'. i've written about that in a previous blog, but it was again a very interesting converstation.

the whirl-wind trip was amazing... and it's amazing how God answers prayers. thank-you for your care and prayers. these have been challenging times, but have always been overcome by facing the issues, grieving over them, and allowing Christ to put a new perspective on them. it's so much learning...

anyways, i'd love to hear from you! e-mails, comments, whatever. msn. my msn is on my old e-mail address- idontknowhatodosoimdoingthis@hotmail.com and my new e-mail address that you can reach me at is danaekrahn@gmail.com. i also have facebook, look me up!

thanks guys

God is God

2008-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

although i am extatic about what Christ did on the trip, i feel quite unable to talk about the events. seeing the little children on the streets, seeing the prostitution along the riverside and the dire need for love has struck a chord.

i get angry about the greed of my nation and the injustice of others. the need to please in other nations, and the need to be right in ours. we're all messed up. i get it. but, where is God in all of it? where is Christ.

if Christ and God is real i have to be able to ask God the tough questions like, "God, i know that you say, 'i know the desires of your heart.' but how can you care about the desires of people who beg for their next meal, for those who are discriminated against, and little children who don't know where they are going to sleep? it just doesn't make sense." and be able to beleive that he is still God after those questions are asked. not saying that they will all be answered but saying that there is a faith that when he said, "seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you" he meant it. anyways, a lot has been going through my head about this, and it's hard for me to all take in.

anyways, i'm doing well. i really am. it's been nice to be open with Christ about what's going on and feeling open about my feelings. it's also been streching in many ways.

cambodia and back

2008-02-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

the whole trip was a whirlwind worth remembering. the whole day travels today and on thursday didn't stop my adventurous spirit any bit.

i caught a 7:30 bus from Mo Chit bus station on thursday morning. the timing was impeccable. i ran and caught the BTS (sky train) just in time. the bus left within 5 minutes of me getting there. these were only the birth pains of the adventure to come!

sleep was the main hobby on the bus, and keeping my bag wrapped around my legs was the next enjoyable thing. the scenery is amazing. it's amazing to see people driving a motorcycle with 30 young coconuts strapped on, or 10 reed mats folded underneath the passenger on a motorcycle. but, what i find the most interesting is the people and their way of life. the rice fields and the housing. you learn a lot by people just by their demeanour.

anyways, arrived at the border, got past the Thai embassy officials, who overlooked the 2 days overstayed. the Cambodia side of the border went well, and i sneaked my way into a taxi with 3 other locals in order to cut the taxi cost into 1/4 of the price.

those 6 hours were good... but also a little stressful. i don't know why, but when i have a lot of time to think, i do... and maybe not on the most positive things. such as, where am i going to stay? what if i just get dropped off anywhere? and on and on. i usually just tried to quote scripture, rather then focus on my insecurities of what i think God can do.

i also did a lot of praying. praying for friends, family and the trip ahead. prayer against ephesians 6:12 "for our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places". it later goes on to talk about putting on the armour of God... and i hope that we as a church can do that together.

anyways, i saw the word, "imperial" and i also saw a picture of prostitution in phnom phen, Cambodia. I prayed into both.

finding the place to stay was okay. i just found one on the internet that looked good, and went. i looked up the word imperial... but didn't really come up with anything.

next day i went to the thai embassy, and the whole timing went amazingly well. i go off of a time i see to wake up in the morning. i'm like, "God what time?" and then i just wake up then. anyways, longer story short i got to the embassy just as it was opening. everything went much smoother then i could have anticipated.

i then did some sight seeing... by walking in the heat of the day (probably not the smartest, but it was good to get on my feet). i couldn't stop singing. i was just so happy how God had been providing. i went past the independace monument (kinda like a victory monument, they put up a monument in the middle of a round-about to show their "independace i guess." it was cool.

i asked around about something called imperial. this man directed me to the "imperial garden villa" where i had a real western meal. i know that it doesn't sound good, but to put it into perspective last time i went to cambodia i almost swore that i wouldn't go again because i got so sick. it actually reminded me about a luncheon. questions about my future were raised up. oh, i got accepted into TWU... and got a 2500 dollar grant due to my marks! woohoo! pretty sweet... but there's also been some other things on my mind too. this is personally draining for me to think about as it is not a black or white, yes or no, right or wrong answer but just options which will direct the course of my life drastically.

i could go to school. i could go for 4 years, learn sociology through an amazing school and with amazing people. God has also been putting the thought of going to New Zealand. i could hopefully staff a school out in new zealand. i don't have any specifics yet, but i love New Zealand's warrior heart for Christ. if i go back i will need to spend more time with locals and understand their true warrior heart.

and although these are both options, i think that the reasons why i would want to do either are the main issue. i want to live by faith and not by sight. i want to realize that the verse Matt. 19:24 is applicable to me (the camel going through the eye of a needle). i don't want to fall into the day by day routine of things. i want to fall into the daily faith routine of things. i know that i could do this in either setting, and don't get me wrong, i want to go back to school (otherwise i wouldn't have applied). it's just a lot of processing... and i'm not worried, just thinking.

anyways, there's more about the trip, but i'll talk about it later. i'm going to bed!

i'm in

2008-01-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

so, i'm here in phnom phen, cambodia! i'm doing well, although sleep deprived i am feeling quite well. anyways, i'm off to a hotel right now. just wanted to say that i am safe and that i'm doing well. please pray for my time at the thai embassy tomorrow as i will be applying for a 60 day visa... oh and things have been going amazing with money... God's moving through many divine appointments. anyways, in total i've probably saved around 3,000 Baht so far (100 bucks!)

anyways, God is faithful and thank-you for caring as well

oh visa!

2008-01-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

okay! so, a long story short is that i got my education visa from the thai embassy. i was under the understanding that it i could leave the country and return to the country no problem under these circumstances. so, when i went to laos for new years i did not think that it was a problem. unfortunately the travel to laos voided my education visa right then and there, as my visa was not a re-entry visa and so i would have had to apply for a re-entry visa before i left thailand for the original education visa to not be voided. since i did not the education visa became void, and the tourist visa which i got automatically upon my return to thailand from laos came into effect as my legal visa.

with all that said, the visa i'm on now is tourist and therefore i cannot extend my education visa, as it is invalidated (is that even a word?! haha!) so, i have to leave the country in order to recieve another visa. i could go and recieve a 30 visitors visa (as they re-issue the visas every year, so i have a clean slate to get 2 more visas! (as i already got one from Laos this year and they only give 3 out a year)). after i recieved that visa i could apply for the education visa. but, since i'm leaving april 1st that means i'm only here for 2 more months... wow that's so short!(yes, i did get confirmation from the Lord on leaving that day, we'll see if all the flights work out for my travels after that, but i will be leaving on april fools day from thailand!) anyways there's a 60 day tourist visa which you can apply for if you go to a thai embassy in a different country. and since i'm only staying 2 more months (just under 60 days... it's cool how God works all the planning out perfectly, even through our imperfections... He sees beyond our imperfections!) i thought, "why not apply for a 60 day tourist visa in a thailand embassy in a neighboring consolute and then i won't have to pay a lot of money for the education visa, or go through all the paperwork?" so, although that sounds confusing, it just means that i'll be leaving the country (going to cambodia, almost for sure) and applying at the thailand embassy in cambodia for a 60 day tourist visa. so, that's where i'm at right now. although it sounds rather stressful, i've been quite relaxed during it all... knowing that Christ is in control, and although there's a lot of confusion, there's a peace just knowing that it'll all be alright.

with all that said, there are many complications which could come. i'm not focusing on them, but prayer is needed. God has been faithful and always will be, unfortunatly we're not the only one's who know that, satan does as well, and he's pretty interesting at how he tries to stop that faithfulness from truly happening. i know it will be okay, it's just quite a lot of things to think about.

also, just so you know and don't have too much pity on me, if i would've told my teachers that i was leaving the country i would have been able to walk through this smoothly, or with less halting demands. even though this is my fault, i'm actually finding it nice to be humbled. i've been asking for it and i need it and all i can say is that YOUR PRAYERS ARE WORTH MORE THEN GOLD! i know that people say this, but i mean it. all your prayers, thoughts and presence has comforted me a lot during this year/years of life. i want to thank-you all so much for the impact and influence you've made in my life, knowing it or not, your prayers have been felt. and i want to thank-you.

God's creative (especially in getting our attention)

2008-01-23T19:40:00.000-08:00

so, yesterday was probably one of the most intense days ever. from burning buildings to racist peers... it just never gets dull here!

so, last night i was staying at roy and bonita's house 'cause they're gone for a while. and, since i have to look after the plants and since i didn't have to teach english the next day i decided to stay up late and relax in the morning... only to get a call at 4 am! our neighbors house (yes, the house that is actually attached to ours) caught on fire. the first 2 stories were ruined. so, ann's grandma, her nanny, pi nit and bebe came over while the rest went to the police station to say what they saw and ann also had to translate.

it was weird for the first while when i heard the news. i didn't know if our house was going to burn down, or how bad it was. i knew everyone was okay, so that was the greatest relief. there was a peace. like, the verses "even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me." also, "the Lord is my stronghold, of whom shall i be afraid, of whom shall i fear?" these verses just kept coming through my head... and all i could think of was God's sovereignty throughout it all.

going to thai class has been fun. but, yesterday this guy in class was just being very racist. i actually had to leave the class because i was so offended. he was sitting next to me and we had to do some conversation pieces together... anyways, i just don't get it. how are people racist? i mean, to understand that other cultures are different is more then valid. but, to say that you're better then another human being, is so demoting to not only the other person but to you as well. it shows an insecurity, because you have to prove whom you are by having a gap between you and the other person. it's like you have to keep that status gap so that you can never really validate or invalidate what your status of being better because you haven't understood the other person for whom they really are.

anyways, all the prayers are absolutely amazing for helping us through these hard times. the verses in ephesians 6 starting with verse 12 has been on my mind lately.
"For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of the heavenly places". it then goes on to talk about putting on the full armour of God (the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shoes to proclaim the gospel of peace, shield of faith, and the helmet of salvation). this armour is for the body of Christ and i just want to thank-you for helping me be a lamb among the wolves. your prayer has helped me more then i could ever express and it's been astounding to see the verse "greater is the spirit that is within you, then the spirit of this world" actually come into play.

e-mail danaekrahn@gmail.com i love hearing from you!

a little taste of the philippines

2008-01-23T04:28:00.000-08:00

so, i'm looking through all of my pictures of outreach, and i thought that since i'm going through them, why not share them, right? so, here are some of the good ones, fun ones, and informative ones in regards to the philippines (that's the country i'm on right now)...

let's start off with the beautiful philippines! the boats here recieve their stability through the two rods on the sides. this takes up much more area, but it seems to work well for them.

this was on our way to another island of the philippines. the ports there look much different then the ones we're used to. they'd back in and out as needed, always seeming to weave their way around breaking too much. from massive boats carrying many passangers as well as cargo to small one-man boats (usually bringing the extra cargo or passangers left behind).

these were some of the local children that i got to know in the philippines. they were so cute! we spent time here with the local church, school and mainly just getting to know the locals. (oh, and i almost forgot to mention the sun-burn!)

this was the family which we stayed with. they are an amazingly hospitable. they have been working in the area for probably just over 3 years now. and i really enjoyed getting to know them, and the father especially helped our team with a lot of handy local information.

this girl was part of the family whom hosted us while we were at a small island in the philippines. she slept in the same room as the rest of her family (with her parents and her younger brother). but we both slept in such a way that we could see each other while the lights were still on, so we would try to make each other laugh by different funny faces or by using any type of sign language we could think of... it was pretty fun!

beautiful children whom live on a rather small island of the philippines (which can only be arrived at by boat). they were SO cute! we had a church service there with one of the pastors in the area. it was interesting getting in and out of the boats.

this was our "main house" in the philippines. we spent time with the youth multiple times as well as some other groups. it was quite interesting, and there was a variety of youth as they were all coming because this organization was paying for their schooling, and therefore would make it mandatory to attend the events. they were fun, of course. but, very interesting as well... especially 'cause the cultures very different. i mean, in canada or wherever else other then the asian countries mainly, you would not see girls holding hands or guys holding hands. but, it's common there. so, it's different because you almost feel a little bit taken aback by the "affection"... but then there's also relatively no flirting from guy to girl 'cause it's more of a commitment when or if you would date or even flirt with someone. anyways, just a little insight into what has been seen so far.

this is me in the philippines eating balut (or trying to make myself worked up to it). balut is a philippine's delacacy (also known as torture in the west). they kill the baby duckling before it is hatched by boiling the egg... and then you eat it. it also comes in chick (what variety). as for a recovering vegetarian... that was probably one of the most discusting thing i've ever had to eat! (but, i don't regret it at all... when in the philippines, do as the filipinos do!)

and some just for fun!

this one's for you dad...

i don't know why... but i love this picture!

the fish in the market...

they're pretty good!

this is just me, being me!

happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to.... me. (i know i act my age)

just some thoughts (again!)

2008-01-21T06:35:00.000-08:00

so, i just came back from watching the movie, "Eastern Promise". i liked it. although i would not recommend it or encourage many to see it, i liked it because it showed the rawness of life. how there's hard times, good times, and sometimes it's even hard to see who's on which side... and if it even matters in the end. so much of the time we "pick sides". i've seen it many times. we'll stand on a problem, or state of opinion until we get tired of being the "king of the castle" on that problem and switch to something else that matters more. it's like we've become detached. detached from really caring about things and become opinionated to make us look like we care about something. i've just seen so many people say that "starvation should end" and yet committing gluttony (myself included), others say, "child labour should be banned" and yet the "designer labels" which they associate themselves with support the very thing. we shout until we're blue in the face. sometimes i just wish that we would loose our voice, so we'd think more and then hopefully do things out of a good heart.

i'm not sure if what i'm writing makes much sense, and i know that this blog can seem more overwhelming then helpful or informative at times, but the fact is that these are the passions on my heart. these are the thoughts i have. and, although i am not physically there with many of you, i want to be somewhat connected on a deeper level then, "this is what i did today". 'cause in the end what would you remember, what my day looks like or interesting ideas? i say interesting 'cause i'm not taking the stance of "having it all together"... 'cause that would be a lie. i don't. i cry. i have hard days. and some days i even think of coming home. it's hard... but that doesn't mean that we stop. it means that we allow Christ to keep on going. i know that there's a lot of people whom feel that way. stressed. burnt out. ready to give up. trying to fight the lonely feeling. and, i just want to say that we're not alone. there's many of us trying to follow Christ with our hearts. having tremendous joy along with much sorrow. realizing needs of others, and yet struggling to know our place amidst the suffering. so, that's why i spend more time writing thoughts, ideas and passions... to show that i care, and that individuals matter (wealthy or poor... we're all a little taste of Christ, even if it's hard to fathom)

i guess it may be homesickness... ok, so i miss home!

2008-01-19T04:43:00.000-08:00

so, bonita and roy and gone as of tomorrow morning. i'm kinda nervous about being here for a month without their guidance. they've become a great source of life for me! they've been mentors, elders, confidors, friends and so much more. i'm excited for their time in california as they will be able to connect with some really great friends as well connect with their close relatives out there. i'm just a little nervous.

so, i'll be teaching english every monday, tuesday, thursday and friday (ann ususally teaches friday but she may be gone). i teach from 10 am to 11:30 am. only to scarf down lunch and go off to thai class from 1-4. i've got some great friends there...

it's hard for me lately though 'cause well, for the last year i've been on my feet so much that i have been moving from one place to the next within 3 months or less. since grad the longest place that i've stayed in one place is 7-8 months. and, now that i'm hitting less of a culture shock and more of a living atmosphere i feel kinda drained. the sense of community which i used to find quite redily is now all of a sudden drained... or just completed in a different sense. it's hard for me to relate to others out here... and it's just different. they don't have any physical touch, rarely a hug, kiss or any physical affecion in public. it's just different and sometimes i wish i could just "get it" and "relate perfectly"... but i can't and that's real life.

also, the more i think about going home the more i realize that this whole experience will also make it difficult to be able to related to others back at home. not in the "hugs" sense, but in the deeper, traveling sense. there's so much that is learnt over traveling... it makes you have more of an outward focus, and its' hard when you're not directly affected by some injustice to care about it. i totally understand that. but, it's different now and i just don't know how it's going to be when i go home (regarding the whole "fitting in" kinda thing). i may be wrong (and i hope i am actually), but i think this could be very likely.

i was writting in my journal saying that i don't dig my roots down deep within the place i stay but rather the people i meet. it seems more like there are certain people i connect with, and as the countries change the faces do too, but the connection and love from others is always there. thank-you for that love and for allowing those relationships/friendships/whatever you want to call them, bond and mold us into whom we are. i've learnt more about myself through others and Christ then me thinking about it. i've noticed the love and the joy and the peace and the true care for and from others. thank-you for your care and lives which i can be connected to. with that said, please contact me if you'd like.

God is love. Infinite... whole... love.

2008-01-17T07:34:00.000-08:00

i love God and He loves me... but what about the rest of the world? seriously?

i've come to notice that satan isn't scared about "Christians" staying in their cliques and will not put much effort into messing things up for them because they don't mess things up for him. i put Christians in quotations because i think that the word Christian has been abused by so many that it has lost many of it's core roots. it's become a label rather then a passion for the name of the true and only Christ. when did a Christian become just a Christian rather then someone representing Christ... not because we're perfect, but because Christ is?

a more real update then the last... (depending how you look at it)

2008-01-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

so as much as i like to just talk, i guess that i could update a little bit more of what's actually (events) going on.

k, so went to northern thailand for new years. it was sweet to say the least. the memories are unforgettable and i actually can't think of any negatives which happened... it's amazing how it's changing from focusing on the negatives to falling in love with whatever positives you can get.

came back from travels and decided that although there's tones to do i won't stress. roy and bonita are leaving in 6 days to go back to california for 1 month! so, i may be living at their place, but probably only for some nights, as all i really need to do there is water the plants... i have too much fun staying on my feet at the house to be in a house all alone. (but, with needed rest, i think that i could give up a couple of "sleep-overs").

so, i'm making up the application for the interns, volunteers, and the information package that they would get when others get here. i don't really feel adequate to do it, but that's nothing really knew! i'm not saying that 'cause i'm insecure, don't get me wrong, it's just funny 'cause like i was saying on the last post, it's just realizing what really matters is Christ is adequate, so i'll start on that when they're gone.

i'm also thinking about my "travels"/fastest approach home after this. i may "rest" in europe (as i originally made some stops there with the ticket i made through school (in NZ)... so it may be difficult to not stop somewhere in europe), and yet i'm thinking that i may be more overwhelmed by the whole experience more then anything. let me explain... it's about the expected culture shock.

i accidentally came across a website today while looking up a historian's name... and i came accross... cupcakes! they were the most beauiful cupcakes i have probably ever seen. there's so much effort put into the pictures, the layout of the website, everything. everything looked perfect. and, i could barely hold my ralph in.

now, i'm not saying this so that you throw out all your cupcakes. i'm saying this 'cause there's such a vastness of the world. a vastness of plenty to a vastness of nothing.

anyways, i would love to hear from you guys... and i love all of your prayers. thank-you so much and i'm thinking of you.

God is amazing! he's been so faithful throughout this whole time. like, just with people i meet. the other day i went out for coffee... and met this lady who has her masters in business. this sounds random but we got on the topic of "buddhism" and "christianity" and saw parallels of what Jesus said and Buddha said. it was amazing how many there are... i would challenge you to look into it. Buddha did say that there was going to be someone coming after him who was greater then him. i said that i wondered if Buddha was talking about Jesus. it was a really interesting conversation!

i'm also in thai classes right now. and, the day before they started i was like, "God, i'd really like to not feel alone." ('cause you can feel that sometimes) and, guess what?! well, you'll never guess, so i'll just tell you... there are 3 ladies learning thai from ohio... they're with an outreach team which is in short a mennonite focused YWAM! 3 menno ladies, in thailand, that are following Christ... i mean how much closer can you get to where i'm at?! God answers prayers!

i'm also meeting really cool friends. producers. prostitutes. politicians. architects. doctors. beggars. missionaries. it's just so cool! i love God and i love being with him. there's this awe in him. this awe of love and this awe of seeing who he really is...

update # 4 i guess it would be

2008-01-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

so, as far as updates go, i could try to convince you that what's going on here is outrageous, should be stopped and everyone should rethink their whole lives because of it... but that's a lie. personally, i don't want you to change because of a world event, i'd much rather you change for Christ (or should i rather say care for Christ). one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone comes home from missions and think that they can all of a sudden "change the world". if there's something i've learnt throughout this whole time, it's that i can do NOTHING without Christ. God doesn't want us to get-up-and-go! He wants us to BE with Him. that's what i challenge you with in this update because that's what i've learnt the most within the course of this new year. just to BE with Christ. you might be saying, well how the heck do i do that? you don't. stop doing. start allowing yourself to be saturated with Christ. this may actually mean taking a sabbath day (which actually just means resting). are you resting in the arms of Jesus or taking too much time to please him... or prove him whom you really are? don't worry about that. God knows you (probably more then given credit as He made you). so, you can stop proving yourself to Him. He misses you when you're not with Him because really all He wants to do is to be with you as well (notice God's first question to Adam and Eve, "where are you?"... He missed them!). God will meet each and everyone of us exactly where we are at if we just allow Him. and, that's what i've learnt the most within the time i gave you my last update.

Paths of Life

2008-01-06T05:36:00.000-08:00

so, to be completely honest, everything has seemed a little overwhelming lately. there's a "western bangkok" which you don't even get into the culture, let alone get out of your comfort zone... and then there's "thai bangkok". like i told my friend in an e-mail "it's like a different world and i'm the alien actually trying to get into the culture." it's overwhelming in the sense that everything which you used to equate some relevance/identity/purpose in your life is all of a sudden stripped from you. it's like your looking for something to grab for your identity, and all the old luxuries are not there anymore... there's nothing for you to truly identify yourself with... except Christ. and, it's hard because when there's been so much emphasise on your personal capabilities to all of a sudden just accept the fact that Christ will love you regardless of what you've done, where you are, what you will do, or any other excuse you can give for Christ to not love you; well, it puts you in such a vulnerable position as you finally accept that Christ is everything and you are not! it shows your incapablity, and anyone who knows me deeper then surface will know that it's hard for me to address confrontation. confrontation shows that there is an essence of imperfection, and imperfection seems like you're not living up to the standards which you should be. but, that's an outrageous standard when you actually think of it. when we try to be perfect, we put the emphasise off of the grace of Christ and onto our capabilities. anyways, that's what's been going on in my heart lately. it's been difficult to address key problems, and i'm learning what surrendering everyday actually looks like. it's hard, but good... that seems to be the theme!

anyways, as for events, i went to Northern Thailand/Laos for the New Years. it was amazing. i met some amazing friends... along wih their 2 twins! and, spent some real quality time with Ann, her daughter and her nanny as well... it was just so much fun!

it was a nice time to breathe and have some time to clear my head, as well as learn more about different problems around the world (reading books). anyways, i hope that you all had an amazing new year. i'll see you this year!

what's going on?

2008-01-01T19:25:00.000-08:00

dieing is not only a symbol of ending. this has been bought into in many societies. death produces the "means to the end" which we are all looking for. but when a seed dies, and falls to the ground, what does it produce? a whole new plant, greater then what it simply was itself. when when a person dies, what do they produce? lasting memories which affect future generations. that's why i'm opposed to war. war kills people, and makes division in many nations. there will always be people who do not aggree and those who are messed up, and i'm not saying that i aggree with people whom are like that, i am saying that what they have dicated will not meerly be gone when they are. there is more to life then just breathing. it's the whole thought-process. and, that's what i want us/everyone to ask. why do we do the things we do?

no one's better or worse, we're all different. and although some don't believe that as truth, i would challenge them to question why they think that. choices we made may have been worse or better, but the fact is that anyone is capable of evil. anyone! but a deeper question is why do we do evil? what motivates us to do negative things, or to believe lies? i think it has to do with our core beliefs. what do you believe about God, and how does that effect how you think about yourself? what do you want to allow to "die off" this coming year? death to produce more life. i challenge us to look at our core beliefs about God and see how Christ wants us to shed off an old layer of skin to become a little more exposed to Christ.

(excert from nov. 6 entry)
"live rahter then pretending to. a sacrificial life. not for ourselves and not as a means to weisle our way into anything. meery to change because we're sick of faking. sick of pretending. sick of masks. and sick of pretending the "status system" works. just face it. does it matter if you're the best or the worst in what you do? it's just doing. it's futile if it's not with the right attitude. it's just doing to prove... to prove what?! you can do something? everyone can do things. why are you doing it?"

update #3... i think i forgot to post #2. sorry! (if you want it, e-mail me!)

2007-12-25T23:48:00.000-08:00

i don't know what to feel. christmas came and went like a week-end event. it wasn't for the hype. it wasn't for the show. if you wanted to celebrate you had to make an effort. and we did! we had a barbecue with sea food (amazing... my favorite!). Carolers came to our house, we put up the christmas tree along with the presents and did a lot of Christmas baking as well. the ladies here really (at the house) got into the christmas season, which was so cool to see it real and not a "routine" atmosphere. for most of them it was actually the first time to celebrate either as a follower of Christ or at all. it was amazing to see the difference in the ladies outlook... they had hope and joy and meaning. this was as a family (the 8 of us who all live in the same house along with close friends).

we also celebrated christmas corporately with ladies from the bars on the 17th. may came out for a fun filled night. we packed the palce while we played games, had amazing food, and just really good fellowship. for most of them it was the first time they had been introduced to Jesus. joy is the only way to sum up the whole night. joy was just electric throughout the party. i loved hanging out with the ladies. they probably show me more then i can ever show them... at least that's what i think. they just have such patience, dedication, determination and love for their community. they are all amazing women. it was also really amazing to see God use the whole night for so many people. the servers couldn't believe that these ladies came (Thais usually don't associate with someone who is lower in standing then themselves). the Thai volunteers also had a similar response and were just amazed how many people came. the ladies who came all seemed quite taken aback as well... and to say the least, i was amazed by it all. bonita was quite touched as "Home of New Beginnings" has been grounded in prayer for Thai leadership who can eventually run the organization, and all the voluntters and hosts were Thai. it was amazing to see God just work in each of our hearts.

i loved this christmas. it's been hard being away from family and knowing that everyone is having fun at home, but it's been much more rewarding to know that i'm exactly where Christ wants me, regardless of whether i can see the "quick" results or fully understand why, all i know is peace. and this peace is deeper then meer understanding. Christ is with us regardless of the circumstances. whether it be financial, geographical, or emotional... God is here. and guess what? he's omnipresent as well (good thing!). but, honestly, i just want to bless you for all of the blessings of prayer and joy which you have given me just by being you. your prayers, your caring hearts and your correspondence with me has been so much appreciated... thank-you all so much

as for the future, we are leaving to go to Northern Thailand tonight (well, 4 am!). we're going on a "trip", which i am excited for bonding time as well as relaxing time with Christ. please pray for travel safety as well as visa "issues". my education visa expires on the 4th of next month and i will have to get it renewed when i go to school on the 3rd (i start thai language classes then! woo hoo... you could pray for that class). please just pray for a smooth transition from one visa to the next as i know that it can always become complicated. thank-you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

thank-you again... and praise God for his faithfulness wherever we may be!

the Christmas party/Michelle/Life~

2007-12-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

sooo, it's christmas... and i'm sweating up a storm. i know that you may be jealous about that comment, but to be quite honest there's a backfire to a hot winter... you miss winter completely. you miss all of the snow, the skating, the food, but mostly the family.

i'm not saying this for attention, i'm saying this because i truly miss you guys. there's something to be said about being home at this time. although i know that i should be here, my heart is still with you guys as well.

but on a more positive outlook... there's a lot to be thankful for! the christmas party was an amazing success. there were 98 ladies out from around 20ish bars. we played games, sang songs, made crafts, and had supper together. it was so amazing and as bonita had pointed out, everyone there was really impacted. from the servers to the volunteers to the ladies to the speaker. everyone was put outside of the "norm" and put into an amazing time together... all joining as a group. i loved it. i loved seeing Christ move in ladies. there was all thai leadership... so cool! and the speaker was from singapore (the same one at the retreat actually)... and was very great!

there have been ladies which have shown interest in coming into the center... and whatever God has in store it'll be amazing. but regardless of that, there has been such an amazing difference in how the ladies react to us as we go to the bars. we hug, and they are just so happy to see us. we (michelle and i) actually went to get some pizza near our house and a lady was there with her boyfriend (from england), but anyways, she had sat at the same table as me during the dinner... and we just had an amazing time talking and just to see her again. her boyfriend actually asked her, "why are you smiling so much?" and she just said that she was so happy to see us. a different lady ran out of the bar and was so ecstatic just to talk and see us again... i'll never forget her face.

michelle left yesterday. that was hard. she understood what i was/am going through. she was such a support to me and to the ladies and the organization. we taught english together and she stayed here a couple of nights between going to school in bangkok. she's from the states and went back from Christmas/school/weddings. so, anyways, she's gone now... and although it's hard i know that she's going where God wants her, and that's so great! oh, but we went to go see a lady from the bars to say good-bye to before michelle left and she was almost crying... she's one of the most precious ladies i have ever seen. she's one of the first ladies i was introduced to when i started here in october... God is so good. no matter what the circumstances. anyways, i want you all to know that i'm thinking and praying for you... if you want to e-mail me, please do. i'm also on facebook. please keep in touch... i'll listen!

Parents and Thailand

2007-12-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

just thought that i'd send a couple of pictures with our updated time with my parents and myself in thailand.

this was a "mock" thai village haveing 5 different Northern Tribes represented in one area. it was amazing to see a lot of the character from the houses to the people

i snuck a quick pick of some monks when we went to " wat doi suthep". wat means temple and it is a famous one of chiang mai (a city we stayed the north for 3 days) as it overlooks the city and is quite beautiful. it is also a pigrimage for monks suposidly.

thai silk factory. it was cool as we got to see how thai silk is actually made from the worms to the dress... so cool!

original thai dinner and dance. that's something i'll never forget.

dad and mom

2007-11-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

ok, so my parents just came out the other day, and we've been having a pretty good time i think! i toured them around my home of bangkok of course, but we've also been to amphawa (a small, non-touristy, floating market town). so, their streets are actually canals and they make their way around by boat. they also have some streets, but the main strip is on the canal. we then later went out on a boat to go see fireflies at night. it was so cool. very different as well... anyways we're off to chiang mai today (a town in the north), so i am pretty excited for that.

miss you guys and thanks for all your prayers... if you ever need me to pray for anything or just want to keep in touch, please do!

Always morphing

2007-11-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

things have been going better then before. there has not only been reconciling within the group at home, but there has also been an abundance of people coming to english class. litterally it's packed! we have to get more chairs from the other room and sometimes there doesn't seem to be enough working space. it's amazing to see all these ladies here. the spritual attacks are still here and lonelyness seems to be hitting me in every retrospect, but the prayers and support are so encouraging to me. i've really been learning that obedience is much more important then perfection. if we do what God wants us to, he will provide. it's been affirmed in many ways, and i thank-you all for your support financially as well as spritually. it's helped along the way.

we've been busy from going to confrences to planning for the christmas party. but, it's much more about what we are all learning then what we are doing. you can just see Gods hand working in each lady that lives here and that comes into the house. yes, there's problems and no, we are not perfect, but we are in Christ's arms and that's all i could ask for. i don't know what else to say.

the poverty compared to the wealthy in bangkok is mindboggling. i saw a "thai investment bank" the other day, with people begging for money on the street just below the sign. it shows the contrast of bangkok very well... there's an ongoing mentality that what you have defines whom you are... one that is bought in many cultures and areas of the world. unfortunately that is not true... as you could be the richest asshole ever (sorry about the vulgarity... it's just so true). and you could be the poorest most kind person ever... and although these extremes are found everywhere, you can also be rich and striving after christ more then ever as well. i'm noticing that within this church which i am attending. it's a house church which politicians, artists, fashion designers and archetects from around bangkok come. they are some of the richest people here, and yet so humble and real before Christ. it's amazing to see... and it's amazing to realize that God chooses to bless people. yes people work for it, but ultimately it's Christ whom blesses you.

thanks for the love and support, i'd love to hear from you too... danaekrahn@gmail.com

it's real life now

2007-11-13T19:23:00.000-08:00

so, after the initial shock and then the settling in culture shock, thailand seems more like real life.

and, when i say real life it's not super easy. this last week has been a struggle. there's disunity within the household, but mainly due to respect issues (from not doing jobs, to talking back, to threatening... even threatening to leave). but, it's allowing everyone's colors to show. we (mainly bonita, ann and i) are praying for healing for the ladies here, and as wonderful of a prayer as it is... it's really difficult to deal with the issues as they arise.

just think about it through their eyes... even if it is impossible to fully comprehend. you've been disowned at a young age. probably abused. you've been involved in prostitution. rape. you've dealt with pregnancy at a young age (15 for example). abortions. always looking out for yourself... no matter what it takes.

hurting people hurt people.

the past doesn't just dissolve in one day. it's not fun. and, the healing is hard. there are wrong decisions. and, it's tough love. the tension at home has been hard.

the spiritual warfare is intense. when bonita and ann where talking to the ladies the phone would ring at key times (crying times!). honestly, a hydro line blew up at a key point... it's ridiculous.

i wrote in my journal the other day...
"I feel claustrophobic. not in the sense of having a desire to 'get out' but more of an acknowledgement of the fact that there is so much evil surrounding me. so much that seems to be closing in. but, i just want to thank-You for the light. There's a piercing light within this claustrophobia. It's constant. Consistent."

your prayers are always helpful and i thank-you so much for them. we are in a war zone right now. but, i just want to thank-you so much for all of your love. i can feel it encouraging me overseas.

don't worry, i am safe. safe and sound in the arms of Jesus. i've never felt so close to him before in my life. don't worry about me. just pray for the ladies... and for discernment as well as endurance as we face these battles. (at least we're on the winning side!)

God is amazing

2007-11-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

okay, so thank-you so much for all of your prayers everything went fantastic.

there were so many divine appointments. we got tones of good rates on things and were able to stay in Nong Khai (which could be my future home b/c i love it so much) and see the place whitch we will be staying in the New Year as a group. it was nice and cool and the people were nice and it was right along the river (border) between thailand and laos. after our first night we went to Vivetine (capital in Laos) to the thai embassy. originally it seemed like we were going to have to stay an extra day as they only process visas in one day during emergency situations (and we would have to pay an extra 5000 Baht (around 166 CAD) for this). so, i was getting a little bit annoyed at this. but, kept my cool. then as we were waiting for the reciept for my visa ann talked to this official (after praying for quite some time) and said that she was told that i could recieve my needed visa within the a day and that we did not have our luggage, which we left in Nong Khai in total faith, and could not just spend a night in Laos as she had to get back to work. so, they made her send a fax from the NGO that she is working with to verify that iw oudl be living w/ her for these next months and that she had to get back to work asap. we were told to come back @ 2 pm and talk more about the situation.

we went back @ 1:15, as we knew it opened @ 1 and would wait if needed. there was no line, so we went up to the desk and the lady asked for Anns passport to verify that the document faxed over was for her, and then she passed both passports back over the counter and said, okay you're good to go and you just have to renew your new visa in thailand. we didn't realaie that what she said was true @ the time.

we got onto the bus to go back to Nong Khai and i opened up my visa, and inside was a "Non-Immigrant 2 month education visa"! basically, i can stay in thailand and just renew my visa, and the actual date that i will have to renew it by is Feb. 2nd as they give you 30days grace after the visa is expired. it's amazing! originally i expected to have only a 30day tourist visa which i would have to renew in laos and pay all the extra traveling cost and everything to go out there. but, now it totally worked out! thank-you so much!

went to the school the next day, and another huge blessing. they said that i would only ahve to pay for 3 months of schooling. i signed up for 6 months, planning only to take 3 months of the course, but needed the visa, so i sacrificed and was going to pay the extra $ to stay in thailand. so, that cost was cut in half! it's just amaing how it all worked out and i thank all of you for your prayers.

my parents are coming out on the 27th of this month and i am fervently planning for their arrival, so sorry that this came out later then it should. you're awesome!

going to laos

2007-11-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

so, i will be going to the Thai Embassy in Laos on Monday. I recieved information regarding the Thai school i will be going to, and so the immigration office here in Bangkok informed me that when I bring this information to the Thai embassy in Laos they can issue me another "tourist visa" because of official doc. for the schooling in Bangkok. Ann insisted that she would join me, which will be such an asset as she speaks fluent Thai and English and would allow things to go much smoother.

your prayers have been amazing! we were in and out of the immigration office in 15 minutes. this one lady just helped us right away. and then also with the school. they were able to recieve documentation that i would be attending the day after I applied (which was yesturday!). thank-you so much.

the prayers were also felt today when Ann and I did outreach to the bars. if we go into the bars we have to pay for drinks, but what we mainly wanted to do was talk to the ladies which we already know and invite them to the Christmas Party. Everyone we wanted to talk to was having a break outside. you have no idea how uncommon that is. one lady actually was just walking out as we were going to ask for her. God has been opening up amazing doors. I am learning a lot not only in different cultural aspects but in spiritual aspects as well. my eyes are being opened to a greater world. it's truly amazing.

prayers for the upcoming Laos trip would be awesome, as well as they Christmas party and just for me as I am feeling like a square pig in a round hole out here. i mean, i knew it when i came but, everything is different. and i don't mean just on the outside. their way of thinking is totally different. the women here don't take much initative and the whole outlook on life is different. they live for more of a here and now mentality then a future mentality. i just want to focus on what God has called me to. to love on these people here. and i don't want to get weighed down because i am different. 'cause things are different, but i want to focus intensly while i am here and get to the heart of the matter and not insecurities that pop up. you guys are awesome. if you want any prayer or anything please let me know, i still want to keep in touch even though we're miles away!

p.s. i'm still looking into uni as well... focusing more on specific universities... can't believe it

update #1 (in case you didn't recieve it by e-mail, and if you didn't please e-mail me @ danaekrahn@gmail.com so i can add you)

2007-10-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

thailand 101. sawadee ka is how you say hi for ladies, sawadee kup if for guys.

anyways... bangkok is amazing. i could go on and on talking about it and how great it is but i'll just get right to it!

95% of tourism in thailand is based on prostitution. you see it everywhere on the streets of bangkok. every kind of guy w/ a thai lady (or transvestite). honestly, old, every race, crippled, businessmen... you name it, you got it.

unfortunately this is not alarming in thailand. supposedly around 85% of people in thailand are dealing with some sort of depression. they have to "save face" (which is really hiding all the problems to look like everything's okay because you have to keep your status (or rank) in the culture). so, for example, someone older, or males (especially first borns), or someone higher in society (occupational wise), or foreigners would all be in higher rank when comparing themselves to another person.

unfortunately this "saving face" concept does not allow many people to express how they are actually doing or feel about a subject. this can go as far as not telling someone that you have been abused so that you will not bring shame on that person. it cuts deep into every area of society. (there are good sides to it though, like respecting others and valuing what they say, which can be thrown out the window in some of our societies).

prostitutes "save face" for the family by allowing them to have an income. usually a prostitute will be supplying money for her family, which do not have jobs. if she would have a brother, he would not have to work as he has so much honour in the family for being a male (some also become monks, which also doesn't supply any $). one lady that i know about has 11 family members that she has to support with work... so it's really intense.

all of this adds for the ladies to not want to get off the street. they think that they have an obligation for their family and most have been told that they are worthless from birth, so to get some attention from men that came overseas because they are beautiful is a nice thought for them.

what we do here in "beginnings" meet those ladies @ work. so, i've been to the bars/go-go bars on outreach with 2 co-workers here. we meet them and talk with them (one lady, Ann speaks thai, so she translates/does PR with the ladies). and we tell them about the english class which we have going at the center. if they are interested they can come down (and it's down-town, so it's handy for them to come to) and learn english in the beginners or the intermediate stages. it's a good time for them to meet with the other ladies and also to build amazing relationships with them. in the bars they are usually quite busy as they have 15 minute "sets" where they dance on stage for 15 minutes and then switch, so most of the conversations are not that long. but, in the english class we have time afterwards to talk with them and to meet their needs (oh, and teach english... haha!).

i've been teaching english for a while now. i am loving the ladies. it's so amazing just be here. i just moved into the center today! and so far so good! i'm getting along with the 3 other ladies whom joined (Kwan, Sai and Pu) as well as the co-worker (Ann) and her daughter (Bebe) and bebe's nanny (Nis). Bonita and Roy, the founders of the place live in their own appartment (which i was looking after while they were gone for the last 2 weeks). Bonita has her masters and Roy has his Ph. D. in cross-cultural affairs (if i'm not mistaken), so it's been amazing to hear some of their knowledge and dig deep into a lot of good literature.

what else has happened? there was a "understanding our children" seminar for one week here in bangkok. i was privileged to go along with everyone else who lives @ the center. it was very insightful and God-lead as it seems like a call on my future. (i will hopefully be taking anthropology classes this coming september... i'll tell you more when i get more details). it was great because it was in thai and english, and it opened my eyes to how childhood development affects people, and how abusive situations have affected the ladies whom i work with tremendously. there was also a session on HIV and AIDS. and we were able to visit a center which works with children who "are victims of commercial sexual exploitation". their work was so great and it was encouraging to see another center with a positive outlook.

that week-end we also went on a missions trip. the ladies currently at the center have been here for 1 year and have a personal relationship with Christ. we all went to a village 1 and 1/2 hours away. we played with the children, taught a little english, played some songs, handed out balloons, played multiple games and gave some food to them. we actually made ice-cream with them. you put flavoured milk (which is all the rage in thailand... kinda funny) in a smaller ziplock bag which you put into a larger ziplock bag that is filled with ice and salt. then you shake until your hearts desire... and voila ice-cream (which quickly turns to liquid in the heat, but it was fun!).

so, those are the main things that have been happening. i have been loving it here and am excited for the life at the center (although i loved spending time with Roy and Bonita...).

some prayer requests. Ann has gull stones right now and is going to have surgery within the next month. they are really bothering her at night and she has to try to sleep sitting up because otherwise she feels as if she is choking (not every night, but most). she is really busy at the center and needs rest to recover from this. so, prayer for a fast recovery and taking enough time off and also just peace. we are also planning a Christmas party for the ladies here in bangkok. prayer that their eyes would be open to the love of Christ through this as well as a successful event. we still need funding for this (i'll give info when i figure all the kinks out... hopefully within a week) but are just really hoping that the ladies will feel Christ's love throughout this whole time. and also for myself. i am going through some visa issues right now (as updated on the blog, danaek.blogspot.com) and would love your prayer. your prayers are felt tremendously here. i thank-you for all the support that you have shown throughout this time and truly appreciate all of the love that i have felt since being here. it is truly amazing.

oh, and i would love to hear from all of you as well! updates are more then amazing. thanks for keeping me posted thus far!

p.s. as of now i am planning on staying here until April 1st and then making my way up to Canada hopefully in mid-April range. (with a couple of stops in between).

visa!

2007-10-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

k, so this is kinda rediculous. visas for thailand. can only get 3 tourist visas a year. thinking that i was fine to renew it 2 more times, i non-chalountly told my co-workers when i'll have to renew it by (Nov. 6th). then it dawned on me that we came in and out of thailand twice when i came here w/ ywam. so, basically i won't be allowed into thailand again unless i get a different visa. i will be taking thai, so i can get a student visa no problem, but it takes 3 weeks to process. and i'll be applying tomorrow. it all kinda caught up 'cause roy and bonita were gone and i didn't want to talk about it until they were back (thinking it would be no big deal to go to the border and back). anyways, we're going to see the immigration office tomorrow about it. hopefully i can stay in thailand those 2 weeks under the condition of the "processing paperwork" time to get the student visa, 'cause i will be a student. if that doesn't work, i'll probably have to stay outside the country for those 2 weeks (ann knows a place in cambodia that i could volunteer @) or i could pay the fine that they have if you overstay your visa. it's somewhere inbetween 500-1000 baht/day... which is around 20-40 USD a day. so, anyways, prayers that i could stay in the country would be amazing! with love and prayers.

p.s. things are going very well though. and don't worry, i'm not too stressed i know that it can and will all work out, it's just a matter of how really.

holy spirit

2007-10-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. things are going good out here, except the fact that the internet isn't working @ home, so i think that i have become addicted as i am now paying for it... anyways, i've been able to catch up on some reading that i was "assigned". 4 books down, 2 to go! they've all been really good, "trading my sorrows", "the wounded healer", "the Jesus style" and "becoming who God intended". i still have one on trafficing and another on... i forget. anyways, been doing a lot of praying and just being filled w/ the spirit.

i was actually on the train station the otherday and i could barely contain the laughter that was surging out of me. it was so interesting. i would smile, which would turn into a laugh, be suppressed and so on and so forth. many tourists (let alone locals) were looking @ me and thinking that i was weird, but everytime my eyes met with someone else's i would just smile all the broader and start giggling. it was so interesting. i pretended it was my music. but, the whole atmosphere just lifted. ahh, it was fun. but, yeah i'll be surged up for monday... and i am excited to get into the thick of it. i love to hear from you guys. keep me posted!

missions trip

2007-10-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

thank-you all for your prayers. they have been guiding and directing me. i've been challenged througout this time here, although enjoying it thouroughly. there always seems to be an element of unknown which not only keeps me on my toes but on my knees as well. this past week-end we had a missions trip. there were 10 of us in total. the ladies (Kwan, Sai and Pu) along with michelle (a lady that has been helping at the center) and ann (the thai leader) with her 2 assistants (a nanny called, Nit and her adopted daughter named Bebe) and her friends fawn and wern all went out to a neighboring town and helped the locals there by playing with the children. we taught them games and showed them how to make icecream by shaking flavoured milk in a bag with ice and salt. i was mainly just having fun with the kids, playing volleyball with them when i could and blowing ballons while just crouching down and talking with the little ones. it was really fun and exciting to see everyone outside of the normal elements of life. while we were traveling along we stoped to see a marigold farm. there were flowers everywhere. it was so beautiful. i couldn't believe it.

this week that roy and bonita are still gone will be rather relaxing. lots of prayer as well as indepth reading (which i was assigned to when they left). i am also looking into universities for when i come back home. prayer for this would be much appreciated. i believe that i will focus on social/cultural anthropology and am starting the application process for the universities already. prayer for guidence would be much appreciated.

still prayer for perseverance even when things become tough. increased wisdom amoung the ladies is something i am praying for now as well. thank-you so much.

there's not a day that goes by when i do not think about you. thank-you for your support and your love through this time. i am praying for you and thank-you for your prayers as well.

living and learning

2007-10-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

where to start? okay, things have been good. learning lots of culture and still about myself (does that ever end?!) and absolutely falling in love with everything!

roy and bonita left this sat. for the states as they are doing some fundraising and such. so, i'm holding down fort. their house is a 25 min walk away from the center, a lovely walk in the morning (of course there's all the markets and pollution and hustle and bustle... the busyness kinda reminds me of christmas shopping back at home, but i love it!)

this week we are taking a confrence that's called "understanding our children". we were sponsored by one of our contacts to go. the information is very helpful, even though it is not directly related to our field of work right now. there are some issues that deal with abused children and children trafficing as well. so, it's very interesting.

i am learning some thai as well. it's quite fun actually. and, they already assigned a thai name for me. you say it deun (raising your voice at the end). it means "moon" (which is kinda cool 'cause i found out danae means "morning star"... kinda related). also cool 'cause i'm a morning and night person, not the middle of the day.

anyways, thailand is amazing. if you ever wanted to travel, come here. honestly! the pollution is bad, it's crowded, there are prostitutes everywhere, but it's real life! the people are amazing. the food is great. the weather is hot (so nice!). cheep clothes, skytrains which are fast and efficient. massage parlors every corner. and almost everything is inexpensive. these are just some things that i have fallen to love with.

God is so good. and i thank-you all for your prayers. you've been such an encouragement.

DK

"House of New Beginnings"

2007-10-08T04:24:00.000-07:00

They help Thai prostitute women by giving them an opportunity to get off the streets of Bangkok. 95% of tourism in Thailand is due to the sex industry, with a large amount of Thailand's GDP coming from this. Thai women can be forced into these situations for multiple reasons, but as 95% of Thais are Buddhist, the main reason is for women to attain merit for the "next life", by being able to support their family financially. Thai men have a different option as they can become monks to gain merit for their family that way. Unfortunately this does not help the family's financial situation and since women can gain a much higher wage by going into prostitution as oppose to finishing high school, prostitution is the path that is usually taken by Thai women. There are girls that are younger then 10 years old in prostitution (and can be over 40 as well). Although prostitution is illegal in Thailand, most of the bars that the women are working in are owned by Police officials so there is nothing actively being done about it.

"House of New Beginnings" helps the women to not only get off the street, but help with their education and working through the mental and emotional struggles that these women have gone through. They provide housing for the women (when they choose to get off the street) and a new life for these women to start. Currently there are 3 Thai ladies in the center, and 2 long-term staff as well as a thai assitant. This smaller atmosphere also helps so that I will be able to try out new things and have an input into how to reach out to the ladies. The 2 long term staff (Roy and Bonita) are from California, over 40 and headed up the ministry 3 years ago. I am really excited to be able to work with them, they seem very nice and genuine in this ministry.

I will working alongside both of them. So, I will be meeting the ladies in the bars and massage parlours and such. I will also be teaching english, as that is how they get to know the ladies better induvidually. They teach basic english and learn more about their life stories and talk about God throughout most of it.

Roy and Bonita are also involved in many other organizations here in Bangkok and I am more then excited to learn from them and their outlook on ministry and life. They both have masters and have such great outlooks on major themes in life, so thank the Lord that I am where I am. I could ask for nothing more.

Thank-you so much for your prayers they have really guided me through the stressful times already... honestly

landed

2007-10-08T03:56:00.000-07:00

safe and sound here @ home (for the time) Thailand!!

here are the highlights so far.

the bus that i was going to take to the airport was late, like 45 minutes (to the point that i was afraid that i'd miss my flight) so i told the general manager of the company that i needed a solution to get to the airport because i needed to catch my flight, and i eventually got driven to the airport, with a little bit of time to spare.

met an amazing israeli couple, probably in their 40s, with a daughter who's 3 years old on the plane from jordan to bangkok. Albi (their daughter) and i spent the whole flight from amman, jordan to abu dabi, United Arib Emirates playing... it was so fun. they gave me their address and said that if i ever went back to israel that i could stay with them.

landed in bangkok, took a taxi to my home for now. and, it turns out that the place that roy and bonita live in is absolutely amazing. it has a pool and a work-out center and is just amazingly spacious, and it's such a blessing. so, i'll be living there for now, although I plan on living with the ladies for most of my stay out here. I really want to go head in, and this will be a nice break-in, but hopefully I can spend even more time with the ladies, by living at the house.

Roy and Bonita are leaving for the USA on Saturday, so i'll be looking after the place on my own for 2 weeks, probably spending quite a bit of time at the center ("Home of New Beginnings") and just praying for the time ahead. it will be nice to also have time to get to know the surroundings, it's quite safe actually... although i probably won't go out at night on my own yet.

i also saw bonita finishing up an english class, and met the women that were there. it was really cool to see some faces of people i will be working with for the next 6 months! it was also cool to see how bonita does english classes as i will be taking over a lot of that responsiblitly... as it looks now.

while bonita and ann(the secretary/everything of the office) talked with some of the ladies about their next assignments, roy and i went out for coffee and talked about so much of what the prostitues have gone through, and not only that but just so much of thai's outlook on society and how that has changed the way that people act personally. it was so interesting. for example, a lot of thai culutre is about "saving face". so, that would mean that you have to present yourself in such a way that people see you as respectable. if you would talk loudely in a store, you look rude. but, if you have deep troubles (like after going through prostitution), a lot of the time it is looked down upon to address because you look weak and then loose respect. there are lots of examples, but those are just the ones i could think of.

but, yeah, things are going good.

tomorrow

2007-10-06T01:01:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. i'm leaving for thailand tomorrow. it's been a good last couple of days, just getting ready (mentally more then anything) to go. thank-you for all the love and support already and just for being there for me.

jordan's been good. just chilling here in amman and waiting to go to thailand. i've been haning out w/ the New Zealand snowboarders Y school as they are doing their outreach in Amman, Jordan. so, it's been nice to see how they are doing and enjoying every moment with them.

i'm excited/nervous/don't know what to think about tomorrow. just prayers for safety as i will be traveling all day and then from the airport to the house on my own... it will be during the day, but still i just want things to go relatively smoothly. i'm @ peace about all of it, and am just learning what it truly is to lie in Jesus' arms and allow him to lead and guide me, yet taking initiative on where to go. things are working out well, and even though i become anxious, i know that it will all be okay. this is mainly to your prayers, and i truly want to thank-you all from the bottom of my heart, saying i could not be doing this without your support.

with thoughts and love

amman

2007-09-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

hey, amman jordan's pretty good. i'm safe and well. we went to petra, one of the 7 wonders of the world, as they carved their trading center city into the rock... it's absolutely amazing. 50 meter tall buildings, carved out of rock, in 1BC... amazing. we also went to a Wadi (valley), by the city called "Wadi Rum" and stayed the night under the desert stars. it's amazing.

i'm off to thailand on the 7th. so soon! thanks for all your prayers and support.

on the run

2007-09-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. first of all, i miss you guys. i hope that school and work and home and play is all going well back in (mainly) canada. anyways, things are pretty good. i'm in tel aviv, israel leaving for jordan tomorrow. the whole thai visa thing is annoying as the visas that i wanted didn't work out. the businness visa has too much red tape behind it to even see it, so i'll just be going on a tourist visa and then, if i take any thai classes i could get a different visa with it. the only thing is that it costs quite a bit of money, and it also depends if it is worth learning thai for the time that i will be there, as it will only be 1/2 a year as things are looking right now. but, anyways, i would love your prayers on clarification of what i should do in that regards, and as i travel jordan for safety and a great time!

love all of you

p.s. i just got facebook, so if you want to look me up, please do!

israel.

2007-09-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

israel is amazing. it seems as though i've seen so much and been so busy trying to take everything in... it's been so great. we were in tel aviv for the first couple of days and then since that the rubber has hit the road in jerusalem. we've been to the dead sea, the mount of beatitudes, the (two spots) of Christ crucifiction, down the "via delarosa" (the walk that Jesus took with the cross), shindler's grave (from shindler's list), and so much else. it's just so amazing to be here. everytime i think about it i just can't believe it. it's been a dream and a desire of mine so long, and i never fully thought that it could happen... and now here i am. thank-you Lord. it's just absolutely mindblowing. thank-you all so much for your support throughout this whole time. your prayers have guided and allowed me to come this far. they mean so much to me, and just the thoughts and the cares you have for me are so great. i want to thank-you all from the bottom of my heart. and to remember that my thoughts are with you and i really care about all of you. thanks.

cambodia down!

2007-09-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

hey everyone! things are good out here in Cambodia. we were working with a church, teaching english for the first week. it was good, although i got sick the first couple of days.

the next week we were working with an organization called "Campuse Crusade". We basically would talk to different students about what they beleived and everything. it was probably the most challenging ministry time ever, because i was sick and because i find that ministry kind of frustrating at times.

and today we went to Angkor Wat... it was amazing. it was 6 hrs. drive from Phnom Phen, but it was alright. it was totally worth it!

anyways, i gtg. but, i'm meeting the people that i am going to hopefully stay with in Thailand in 2 days, so that is rather stressful. and, then we are meeting the rest of the school in about a week. so, it's all closing in to an end so fast. so, i kinda am getting nervous about the whole thing, but i know that it'll all work out and be okay.

i actually just bought my ticket for thailand! it is official, i'm actually going.

thailand in a nutshell...

2007-08-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

hey everyone.

okay, here's what has happened lately... we've been here for about two and a half weeks right now, and it was so great!

first we were helping with the Thailand YWAM confrence by looking after their children. this was very nice. i loved the children, and fell in love with a couple of them... only to leave them a few days later. there was a girl, named Ann, who was not very impressed to be there in the beginning. she was not participating, and when i tried to talk to her, she would just glare @ me. but, the next day, we actually hit it off. i would hang out with her a lot, because there were quite a bit of workers for the amount of children, so there was time for one on one interaction. we hit it off. she would draw what i would draw. we did everything together, even though she wanted to be very independant.

it was also a nice break as we were in a nice hotel and i met a lot of amazing contact people for thailand. i am almost certain that i will be coming back to thailand now after my DTS. it seems rather intense as the people that i have contacted to work with in thailand still haven't given me the total okay, but it seems rather promising. i am not worried at all about it, i am actually amazingly at peace about it. but, prayers would always be helpful in knowing the certain direction where God is leading me, and that i would be submissive to his calling.

what else? after the confrence in Chaing Rai we went to a neighboring city called Chaing Mai and stayed with our leaders friends. our leaders, nate and wendy green, had stayed in thailand for 1/2 a year a while back, and stayed near this missionary couple. the 3 days that we stayed there were amazing. it was very relaxing as it was our holiday time. we actually had time to go and ride elephants and go river rafting on a bamboo raft! it was something absolutley unreal. i went on the neck of the elephant and guided it for a while... so cool!

after that we were off to a small town called Mea Sau to work with an organization called "Akha Training Center". there are 430 Akha children here. the Akha people are a displaced people group who have no rights anywhere. they can not go to school, get a job, or go to a hospital. because of this they can get into prostiution, or drugs or something else just to make any money. so this organization takes them out of these troubled spots, and allows them to get a better education and real life. the children were amazing. we taught some english as well as did some practical work. i loved all of it, even though the living conditions were quite different... anyways, i love you all and miss you too.

flippin islands!

2007-07-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

hey everyone! things are pretty good here in the philippian islands. we are about to leave tomorrow, so we had to cram a couple of cultural things in before we went.

first things first, we just came back from being on a small island, in a "town" called Cawilan (which had electricity, amazingly enough!). it was awesome. we stayed with a couple (Arnel and his wife Dandan) and their 2 children (Davie and Daniel). we helped them with ministry times that they had, which included going to a neighboring town (on a different island) called Opong. here they are trying to reach out to the town as they do not have any biblical base. they actually have a lot in the area for a church eventually. they have been reaching to the Opong town for 2 years now, making significant progress. there is a lot of spritual warfare in the area, and this was probably the most challenging time spiritually so far.

the time in the islands was very challenging, but amazing to experience. the first day i was there i became rather sick, and i am almost back up to par now. there was no running water in the house, and also no fans. we were in the heat of the day, and the heat of the night. i slept on the ground (on my sleeping mat)... it was just really different then the other places we have been now. but, we were really able to become apart of the culture through the family experience as well as the food and such. it was really an amazing time.

anyways, back to our recent cultural experiences... i ate balut yesturday. if you don't know what balut is, i will try to explain without almost puking! it is a baby duck or chicken (duck in this case) which, in filipino culture, is cooked before hatched and eaten like this. i ate half of it... but i did it! it was so intense. that's about as far as i can go culturally man! we also had some halahala today which is some type of crushed ice with jellys and other fruit and vegetables and powdered milk... it's a filipino dessert, which is very different... but good to experience.

the time here was very good, but hard at the same time. it was spritually challenging and physically challenging, but very productive. thank-you all so much for your prayers.

missing you

2007-07-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

hi everyone. i just wanted to say hi. i hope that you are all doing well. i miss you a lot. although things are going well out here, my heart still reaches across the oceans to all of you. especially the family. i hope that you're enjoying the strawberry milkshakes and long days on the fields... the pizza fridays and the numerous family gatherings. and for the friends... i hope that you're enjoying the concerts (no matter how awkward they may be), the new adventures, and the long summer days. miss you guys!

philippines!

2007-07-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

the philippines are amazing! i absolutely love them! there was a little bit of culture shock from the beginning as this was the first third world country that i have been to. fiji was, but it didn't seem too bad out there. anyways, we landed in manila, on the main island of the philippines. we stayed there a night, and saw a lot of slums there. it was really quite sad as they are rummaging through the rubbish of the skyscraper buildings. there seems to be so much corruption here. it seems as though everyone wants more money, believing that this will in turn give them the satisfactions they have been longing for. it's just so sad to see.

we are like gods out here. and it's really sad 'cause the filipinos are amazing, but they just don't seem proud of their culture, and always wanting something more. wheter that be money or race change or something. everytime someone says "you're so beautiful." i try to say something like, "well at least i'm not alone! you are too!" (to the ladies of course... haha!)

what else? we've been hanging out with kids a lot, and i love that. i went to the market the other day, and i absolutely loved it! we saw the mayor of sarigao (where we are staying now). so, that was really cool. hopefully i can update this more later. no time right now!

bula (hello, in Fijian)

2007-07-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

hello everyone. fiji is awesome! i love it. right after we got off the plane in Nadi airiport we were rushed off to Lautoka where they had already started training on the "Pacific Link Auckland" ship that we spent the whole week working on. we soon felt at home on the boat, tucking all our belongings in a small locker and sleeping in and 8 roomed bunk bed style living quarters.

the very next day we set sail for an island called Waya island. while we were there we met a lot of the village people of Natawa on the first couple of days. we were checking their eyes (the optometry team is the one that i was on), and giving out glasses the the people whom needed them. they were so greatfull. we also made 2 bridged for the local people, as well as put up 2 plastic water storing houses, to catch the rainwater from the 2 churches there. we also painted the church building and taught the children about brushing their teeth (giving them toothbrushes and toothpaste), and some of the mothers on the team (there were 2 other families on the team and then quite a bit of individuals on the boat as well) helped teach the parents about nutrition.

it was really encouraging when we would be asked over for meals at people's houses. we stayed at this one ladie's house for lunch after the church service on sunday.

we also went to 2 other towns in the same area. the one place was called Yalombi (silent Y) and Nambara. we did the optometry in that area as well... so if you ever ask yourself, "where do donated glasses go?", they go to people that are in need, and do not have the chance to go get their eyes checked or the means to do so.

Nambara was probably my favorite place, even though we were there for only 2 days. i say this because on of my fellow peirs and i were able to stay at one of the Nambara people's houses for the night. they were SO hospitable it is amazing. we ate there, and experienced their way of living. they have 6 children (ranging from age 6-19), and they all lived in the same house. all the children slept in the same room (Suzanne and i slept in the lounge area. and there was one other room that served as the master bedroom, dining room and kitchen. it was such a neat experience. suzanne and i got a little freaked out when we saw a spider bigger then the size of an adult male's fist (including the legs)... but other then that and the bed bug bites that we have now, we seem to be doing fine.

the ship was good overall, and i loved just being apart of a "crew".

anyways, we are in Lautoka right now, which is on the main island of Fiji. we will be staying here for a couple of days (until the 14th), and then we are off to Philippines! we do not have any set plans yet as to what we will be doing, but we'll find out sooner then later!

p.s. prayer points is just for energy, safe travels and constant Unity of the team. thank-you so much for your prayers already and i hope that this finds you all very well.

starting to go... soon

2007-06-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. things are going well out here in new zealand. i'm only going to be here for 6 more days! ahh... it's so insaine! but, things are going rather well. we just have to keep on getting ready, start packing. i have all the items that i'm going to need right now (or so i think), but it's going to be amazing!

i love you all. miss you tones. and i hope that you are all doing well.

finances

2007-06-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

hey, just to let you all know about our financial situation as a school. we still need 30,000$ as a whole school. although all of my fees are paid, i was wondering if you could just keep us in your prayers in this regard. it seems to be affecting certain induviduals rather severly, such as my ourreach leaders (nate and wendy green). so, if you could pray, or if you want to help in any way, just let me know by e-mail (danaekrahn@gmail.com), and i will give you more detailed instructions of how to donate. thanks so much for your prayers guys!

an exert from my journal

2007-06-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

thank-You. thank-You for... everything. the beauty of Your love for me is beyond my comprehension. and although every ounce of my being desires to fathom the extent of Your love and passion to have me fully, body , mind and soul; i will never, never understand. for if You are love and every other person can only re-iderate and copy the essense of Your very being into an atribute so that we can feasibly relate to You in human form, then no I will never be able to comprehend Your love.

there are works of Your love all around us. showing that indeed this indescribable and umcomprehensible personality and entierty of Yourself is in fact true. So true that each person can go as indepth as they desire on major issues of life and still have to let some questoins go unanswered, in hopes that someone else will later find these answers. this is their hope for we all look for answers, believing that the answers will reviel truth. But, in fact when we do believe something from someone elses observation, we are believing something that we do not see, but trust completely that the other person has seen this.

Which leads me to wonder, how do we trust someone whom is not whole and whom does not have the true fullness that we are looking for? maybe it is that in fact we beleive that since we are all searching for a common ground that this is what bonds us to finding the truth.

but the problem is we are all seraching. we are searching and realating everything into human terms. things that cannot be realated, defined and rationalized the way we wanted. yet we worship these things convincing ourselves that if we would understnad a little bit more that this would in fact hold the answers.

still @ the end we do not have all the answers written down and simplified to our minds. which leads us to the questoin, what if this cannot be simplified? what if our lives and the lives around us are in fact part of something larger then what the eye can see, the ear can hear, the touch can feel and the mind can fathom? if that was the case, would we be able to swallow our pride and believe? believe in this truth that although we cannot fully understand, we can beleive. knowing within the depths of our being that this is truth and allowing our answers to point to that.

where is right?

2007-05-31T04:40:00.000-07:00

well, the church serving week went well. but, now that it's back to "real life" i've been beginning to understand so much more. so much in the spiritual rehlm, so much in the personal rehlm and so much more in general. it's good to finally be discerning through God. to have his heart. and, i'm really hopeing that this will keep on going.

thailand's been on my heart a lot lately. and, as excited as i am, i really want all of this to be God breathed. i don't want to go to thailand and try to do things by myself. it just won't work then. so, i just want to be discerning in this area, to let God lead... and to know that he will.

anyways, just wanted to say hi, and this is where i'm @.

DK

what shall i eat next?

2007-05-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. things seem to be going well out here. it's really interesting as how kiwi families work. also, we are in our outreach teams this week, so it's quite fun to learn about how outreach may look like. i really enjoy the group that i'm in and think that it's going to be rather exciting, when the rubber hits the road.

what else? the sermon went well. i actually loved fear factor. i ate so much increadible stuff! i joined a team. first thing i had to do was eat an entire onion by myself. no worries. then the next i had to eat kidney and heart i believe. i downed that sucker! first one to finish... along with this smoothy that kinda tasted like chilly... but was not @ all. anyways, the youth and i had a great time! along with the other ywamers (which didn't too much)

what else? i am going to be leading worship on tuesday. oh ya i guess i didn't say that. i am in the worship team at the base, rotationally. and this tuesday it's my turn to lead. i'm kinda nervous about it mainly 'cause of the lack of prep time with others. but, i do think that it will be alright. got a little song list ready. so, i think that it'll be alright.

umm, ya things are good, and i hope they are the same w/ you!

church serving week

2007-05-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. if i'm not responding to your e-mails this week it's b/c we are on chruch serving week. we are in a small New Zealand town called "Leestown". it seems to be going well. we're working on the new shed that will be used as a youth center later on. and we have been working with the youth quite a bit as well. it's interesting to get to know them, and really fun to just be apart of their community. we are doing a fear factor night on friday and i will be giving a 5 minute "sermon" for around 80 people. we also shared with a smaller group yesturday, around 50 kids, and each of the ywamers said their testimony. it went really well.

during this week we are staying with a NZ family. it's awesome! they're dairy farmers and i woke up on tuesday to go out milking. it was so cool! we got all the cows in to do the milking, and we got everything organized for the automatic milking system. it was so worth doing! and the family kind of reminds me of home. it's so interesting!

see ya later!

thank-you all!

2007-05-17T05:09:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. just wanted to tell you that i think about you often, and miss you too.

things are pretty good out here. i'm really enjoying it. but, i would love to ask for your prayers for this next time. i would like your prayers for thailand... and where God wants me to go there. just that he would be able to show me what he wants, and that this will be able to really fill me up for God. to be totally open and willing to hear from him. because i know that if i will focus on the outcome, rather then what place would be best for me, that i would not be prosporus. so, i just hope that i'll be able to just be submissive to God's will for me in the next steps.

anyways, i love you all and hope that you are all doing well. keep me posted on how you are doing.

with love,

DK

p.s. thank you so much for your prayers already!

thailand... here i come!

2007-05-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. sorry about the lack of communication, i took one week off of the internet and then i've used it only on limited things afterwards.

anyways, so my week off the internet went rather well. it was really intense as the speaker was Mark Parker, and although that name doesn't ring any bells, i believe that he is the representative for YWAM in New Zealand. anyways, he is in his 50s and has more eneregy then i do! he was so amazing... he was speaking on the topic of "Lordship". basically the focus was on God that week, and how mighty he is and how much we should do for him. it was just really eye opening, and amazing to see different things that God wanted me to give up for him this week, so i would be totally focused on his mission for my life.

speaking about life missions, my travel itinerary wasn't working to go to South America. I would have had to paid an extra 500NZ$ just to go as far down as central america, and then i would have had to make my own travel plans to go any farther down into south america, bringing extra costs. so, i was really seeking what i should be doing, asking God, and looking at my own intrests. the whole south america thing wasn't sitting right with me lately anyways, and so i was open to whatever. i began to have this large impression that i should go to Thailand afterwards. so, i prayed about it, and recieved this overwhelming peace about it. so, as of now, my plans are to travel back to thailand after our outreach (at my own expense, which is fine as i would have been paying around the same amount anyways anywhere else i had to travel due to the limited milage on the around the world ticket). i will be going there for 6 months... so it's going to be quite a commitment... but i have a peace about it. so, unless God says anything different, that's where i'll be going!

other details, we finish school on the 20th of sept. then i will be traveling to jordan on the 22nd (we'll hopefully go on a camel caravan!) and staying there for 5 days. almost everyone from our school is going there after we're finished. then i will hopefully be going to egypt to see the pyramids. i am quite excited for that! the reason i say hopefully is because this is overland travel, and so things could be flexible depending on all the variables of travel. after that i will be traveling back to Amman, Jordan and then flying out to thailand. i'll probably just relax for just over a week to catch my breath. after that i am open to ideas. i'm looking into contacts out there right now as a couple of my friends have either been to thailand or know some people out there right now. and, if anyone has some other info regarding thailand, or has any contacts, i would be more than happy to hear them! hopefully i will be able to work with people regarding helping children either get out of the sex trade (or child trafficing), or work in preventing kids getting into the trade in the first place. as an outreach team we will be going to thailand, and we will be working with a company called "Children of the Golden Triangle." they are a Christian organization that works to prevent children getting into the sex trade industry. they do this by taking them out of risk situations, which children would be picked up off the street and traded into thailands sex industry. this sex industry is a huge problem with thailand, as their main tourism income is based on this demand. children are taken for the trade for various reasons, but can range from ages of 8 until 18... so it's pretty intense.

anyways, i'll update you more when things get a little more settled. but, i am here and doing rahter well.

it's time to travel baby!

2007-04-22T01:21:00.000-07:00

hey everyone! it seems like so much has happened lately that i don't know where to begin...

well other than all of the friends that i'm making, it seems to be quite the time to spend with God as well. it's really intense most of the time, but it's nice 'cause then everything seems to be getting out in the open. it's so nice to get everything out in the open, deal with everything, and then be able to move on and really listen to God and what he wants.

sooo, i'm going out to the ASIA PACIFIC! so, i'll be hitting up fiji, phillipines, thailand and cambodia... then ending in isreal. i'm so pumped about it! it's going to be soo awesome. and, the people that i will be going with are alyssa, this other 18 yr old canadian chick that's pretty sweet. we're getting along pretty well, and it's good to have another canadian on the team. then there's this girl val. she's awesome! i'm getting along with her really well, and we may travel afterwards... we'lll see! then there's this guy called andres who is nice. i haven't really gotten to know him very well yet, but i like how he questions a lot of things, and is really inquisitive. it's really good to have a different, bolder outlook. then there's suzanne! now SHE is sweet. i love that girl. probably because she is from alaska, but you know. j/k. she's just so chill and really nice all around. those are the guys on the outreach. then there's nate and wendy, a married couple that will be leading our group. i'm really looking forward to it. it'll just take a while to get to know them... as the dynamics of the base are a little different for them. wendy's not with us all the time. she's the registrar, so i don't see her that much. but it seems to be alright. i mean i talked to both of them about their outlook on the outreach and what was going to be going on... how open they'd be with us and everything. it seems to be really good. so, i'm really pumped about it!

after we found out about our outreach destination we also were told about the around the world ticket that we will be recieving with it. so, basically with my ticket i will have 3 stops in europe and then 6 stops in central and north america. anyways, we have to have all of our desitnations in by this thursday, so the 26th. long story short, i'm probably going to greece and then traveling some other places in europe until the 15th of october. then after that i'll be going to south america with this funny german bro called christoph. we're still trying to find another person to join us... so we'll see where we go from there. but, i have a lot of peace about it all. God's just totally doing a number to me on that one. it's just faith! and, it's pretty nice. alright, so in mid october i'll be going to south america, and then travel up through central america into the states and then travel to new zealand afterwards. we're not sure about the time line yet, but that's the plan so far. so, it looks really good and i hope that it'll all work out the way that God wants it too...

a huge theme for me lately has been kids. i really am enjoying them here, and we'll see where God wants me to go, but we were having this world awareness night out here, and we were talking about people traficing. mainly it's in the area of the sex industry, and my heart just lept out for these kids/young adults that are going through all of this! we'll see what God wants in the end, but i'm totally willing to do whatever he's calling me to do... no set plans yet!

africa, asia... is it all the same?

2007-04-13T03:50:00.000-07:00

hey guys, so i would just like your prayers/thoughts if you have time. the options for the outreach came in and since this is such a small school there were only 3 options compared to the 6 options that we were shown on the internet. although i thought that i was originally going to go to south america, it seems like to be a hard option (as we won't be going there). anyways, our options are africa (south africa, kenya, uganda, morocco), asia pacific (fiji, philippines, thailand, cambodia) or central asia (hong kong/china, india, oman, yeman). all of these will be ending up in israel. so, i would just love clarity in this area. i think that i'll probably be going to the asia pacific, but we'll see what actually's going to happen. i just am kinda worried about it all.

Not perfection, reality

2007-04-07T15:25:00.002-07:00

wow! God is actually working here. it's amazing. this is so much more than i expected. i'm really finding some meaning here. nothing's perfect yet, but i don't know if that's what i'm looking for. i'm not looking for fake perfection. i'm looking for real answers. real life. reality itself. and, although this is a false environment it's really helping me to understand whom i am and where i'm at right now. to understand how i can better others. and to focus on the bigger picture of life, while dealing with my own issues. i have found more love for others. and i am really beginning to understand more of life. it's hard, but it's really good! really good. i would love to hear from you all!

whoa, surreal!

2007-04-07T15:25:00.001-07:00

hey guys... life's still going well out here. it's a small school w/ high expectations... and i'm really happy to be here. i guess that it's life that's all. but, life seems to be more like a whirlwind then anything. issues are coming up, and i'm not the social butterfly that i usually am (which may be due to the fact that there are the same amount of people from my high school as there is in the whole town of oxford). but, i'm doing surprisingly well. i mean, it's just the fact that i know i should be here. and, that's all i need right now. God wants me to be here... and that's the truth. so, here i am. it still seems surreal, but i guess that's alright. okay i'll talk to you guys later... play safe and have fun. e-mail if you have time!

p.s. i'll try to put on some pics when i have time ian!

here i am!

2007-04-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

alright so, i arrived yesturday to rainy oxford new zealand. it's a nice quaint place... w/ the metropolis only being about 1,400 people. i kinda thought that may be a problem as i like to spread my wings and fly out to meet absolutely everyone... but for now i think that this is where i should be. i should make some closer, meaningful friends. so, i'm kinda excited about that. this is life right now. and, i think that i'll be alright 'cause i just have a feeling that this is right where God wants me. and i should focus on that adjenda more than my own more of the time. so, here i am and there will be no complaining! haha...

so, it's easter sunday out here and as happy as i am to celebrate it... i'm going to miss the supper with my family today. i hope that it's going to be a good family dinner minus me!

so, there are 15 students out here, and 6 staff. so, it seems to be rather small! ya, so there are 6 girls in one room (i'm in that room) and then there are 4 in a different room. and then there's a 5 boys room as well. it seems rather nice, and we're all in one house. so, it's kinda intense. oh, and another thing that i found rather funny is that everyone packed tones of stuff! like, i mean i thought that we were only allowed one backpack and then a carry-on. so, that's what i brought, but people were hauling out the suitcases and all the such... i just thought that it was kinda funny!

anyways, the base is pretty small and there is a church right next to it... which is small as well. everything is so quaint! it's going to be awesome. yesturday was a bit overwhelming but it seems to be dieing down right now. the beginning jitters are becoming more stable and i'm beginning to become comfortable. thanks for all the love and i hope that everyone else's easter is going well too!

have a good one... and keep me posted i have pretty liberal amounts of time that i can be on the internet, so just e-mail away!

it's school time

2007-04-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

i'm here and i'm safe. and i'm a little bit overwhelmed... but it's all good. i'll write you back later when i can put more energy into it.

neon water?

2007-04-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

hey everyone... now where did i leave off... oh ya me going to rotorua (that's how it's spelt... haha!). ya, so i came on the nakedbus... and there were only a handfull of us on the bus, which was quite funny itself. so, as i was getting off the busdriver said, rotorua always smells like rotten eggs b/c of the sulphur geysers that are known for this town. it was quite funny, 'cause i'm here for 3 days and all i can smell is rotten eggs... kinda like my mb home! (j/k)

alright, so i thought rather than just sitting around and doing nothing... i'll go zorbing! it was awesome it's basically like a person in a hampster cage... except w/ a little more padding on the zorb than just plastic. alright, so i went w/ a guy and a girl (girl from toronto, dana, really cool!... and 18 too!). anyways, we put water in the zorb, and basically we were pushed off of this hill to tumble down in this thick plastic contraption. it was so fun! and so weird... totally kiwi like. (people call newzealanders kiwis... so, i'm joining the bandwagon) anwyays, that was my first day.

oh, and i'm staying at this place called "Funky Green Voyager" it's the best hostel that i've ever been at. i love it. there's so much character and there's also so much life to the place. if you have time look it up... i'm not sure how much info you'll get but it's my fav. place ever! i actually would love to own a place like that... seriously!

what else? i went on a long walk yesturday. it was nice, nothing really compared to greatness, but it was nice. everything out here is pretty expensive, so it's rather annoying... oh well! i also went to see a geyser today. i thought that if i'm here i may as well see a geyser. so, i went. it was cool again. but, nothing oh wow! but, some of the places have really interesting colors of water because of this sulphur... i mean like neon water! and, there were mud pools that were boiling. all the water just seems to boil. it kinda reminds me of when frodo falls head first into that swamp... that's what it reminds me of. kinda creepy but rather unique.

so, i'm off tomorrow afternoon... going straight to christchurch, and straight to the YWAM base as of now. i'm pretty excited. talk to you guys later!

missing you guys... just a little

2007-04-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

hey dawite, nice to hear from you! no i would've been fine from the fish, don't worry i'm pretty tough... haha! how are you guys back at home? kume how are you? i read your card every day...

i'm getting a little homesick as you can see. i guess that's part of life, and i'll be tough enough to stick it through, it's just that i miss you guys... all of you and i wanted you to know that.

other than that things are alright though. i arived in auckland (NZ) today. and, as i was planning out the rest of my trip... all the good deals seemed to disapear. so, this was rather frustrating. so frustrating. ahh well, you live and you learn, and now i know to look for good deals when i have the chance. so, ya i'm going to rataruo tomorrow (not sure if that's the exact spelling... but oh well i'll switch it when i know for sure). i'm going on a bus line called nakedbus.com. it looks pretty good, and i thought that everyone would like the name! haha (i have no idea why they would name it that... but non the less it's funny). alright i'll stop my rambling. everythings going relatively well. feeling a bit run down lately. prayers would be much appreciated. just remember that i'm thinking of you guys... even though i'm across the world...

this little piggy went to the market...

2007-04-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

so... the snorkling experience later turned out to be a burning experience as well. here i am red... and i wouldn't change it for the world. it was such a great expereince.

alright so i went to the market on saturday. it was really cool. there were all these shops and so much variety as well. they would sell fruit and vegies and then they would be selling jewlery and so forth. anyways, i bought a sarong and it's absolutely gorgeous. it's purple w/ white designes all over it... ya. that was really fun.

oh i almost forgot! i broke open a coconut w/ my friend ann out here. it was so fun. we had to hust it and crack it open and then we drank the milk and ate the coconut. it was one of the best experiences ever! ever! ann's really nice too. she's scotish and 30+. oh, it's just fun to meet so many people out here. i mean someone from everywhere. mainly english people though... as i guess they rack in the pounds ($).

what else? i went out to church this morning. really amazing experience. everyone was wearing white... and the singing! ahh i could have died right then and there. it was just out of this world. anyways, i could go on and on... but maybe tomorrow. hope that you're doing all doing well... i still want to hear from you.

oh the places you'll go

2007-03-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. alright, so if i have enough time i'm going to write... a lot. first off, i am doing well and safe and more than fine! it's utterly amazing out here.

alright, first the stop over in Los Angeles. it was too long, but very cool to think that i was in a different country. it was fun... i went down to this fishing area. called Fishermans Village. it was cool. there were too many ships to even think of. all the while i was thinking... i'm in California! the place where spanish is the second language and where there are 7 digits on the licence plates b/c of the overwhelming amounts of people. it was sweet.

then i slept, after my 9 hr. layover the whole way to... Tahiti! i had no idea that i was going to have a layover there... but i did. it was about 20 C and beautifully humid. i loved it. short but sweet (maybe for the best as i hear it's rather expensive)

so, after that i couldn't sleep. it was insaine! i mean i was just in tahiti. oh, and fyi "Air NZ" is awesome. they are just the best airline ever. ask me to elaborate later.

so, now i am here. being raratonga, the main island of the 17 islands in the cook islands. it's amazing. the people are so nice, and the views! oh my lands... i just think that i am falling in love w/ the beaches (i mainly put that there to freak out my mom... did it work?!) haha. anyways, no it really is utterly amazing. i am situated on this amazing hostel w/ the beach right there and tones of new and fun people. they're so friendly... and it's nice 'cause it's a small island so, i can't really get lost. anyways, yesturday was my first day. and, i was kinda getting the feeling that this was going to be a rather a) relaxing time and b) a not to know what to do with all the time i have kind of deal. but, after i did all the lounging around i could do... i began to see what was out there. and am i glad i did! yesturday i went to this island dancing. they danced the cook island traditional dances there and it was just amazing to see it all! it was just so amazing. i mean there are these people druming faster than you can think.... and these dances that you don't know how people can move their hips that fast. ahh! i just love the culture.

today i had one of the best times of my life. i went snorkling. it was amazing. and what was even more cool is that i went on my own. it was like this huge event for me. i was out for at least 3 hrs. just snorkling. the fist fish that i saw almost attacked me. so, that was eventful. and i was almost going to even leave then. but, i didn't and stuck it through and it was just so cool to see all the diff. types of fish... oh i could go on for hours. non the less it was so cool! the people are nice, the time is awesome and i'm probably going to go out tonight as well.

oh, there's also fresh fruit right around the corner for 50 cents a fruit... i'm in a TROPICAL ISLAND!!!!! guys, this is just amazing.

thanks for all your support and let me know how you guys are doing. even though i'm across the world it doesn't mean that my thoughts are not w/ you. play safe!

Safe landing!

2007-03-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. just wanted to tell you all that i am in rarotonga right now and doing exceptionally well. made a couple of friends, one's from Finland and multiple from England... such sweet accents. anywanys, just wanted to let you know that i am safe and sound and hopefully i can actually do a real entry later!

is this goodbye, or simply see you later?

2007-03-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

Before i forget... here's my address in NZ

PO Box 47, Oxford, North Canterbury 7443, New Zealand

i am going to miss you all. i had a good time out here, and although it was short, it was well worth it.

i am emotionally, mentally and physically drained right now. but, i suppose that this is what life does to you. i want to live it to the fullest and yet become more drained in doing so. i think that a lot of it has to do with myself. i mean here i am living, trying to make me happy through what i do. but even more than that i try to portray the perfection that i so desire, to others in hope that they see me as what i want to be. and yet this is more draining then being whom you want to become. i hope that God will use this experience for me. i want to learn what He wants me to learn... but more than that i want to be vulnerable enough to experience it.

understanding does not mean agreeing

2007-03-16T17:56:00.000-07:00

why do we do this to ourselves? why do we put ourselves through this pain that we do not necessarily need? i believe it is because we want to express ourselves. and this is an expression of whom i am. i've always wanted one, and not only that... i want to acknowledge that this point in my life was valid.... let me explain.

to those of you whom say,"You may not like that tattoo in 10 years", you are right. i do not have the answer to whether or not i will like this tattoo for my whole life. but, this is an expression of me, right now. and, although i will change and i will become different, i still want to acknowledge that this time in my life was very important. it is an expression of where i am. it brands me as myself, and whom i want to portray. although some of you may not agree with my decision to get a tattoo, can you please at least acknowledge that i do have a rhyme to my reason, and although this expression may not be your rhyme, it reflects whom i am. i did not do this out of disrespect or pure excitement. i did this because i've wanted it for years... and because i've always wanted to get it done with my sister. i love mandy. she means so much to me, and for some reason, i've always wanted to get a tattoo with her since i was 13... today was a dream come true.
thanks Mandy for the new, arm wrenching experiences! (look closely @ the first pic)

Prerequisites of love

2007-03-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

it is hard to love. it is hard to be vulnerable. it is hard to give love the credit it deserves. but most of all it's hard to know what to do with love when it is present. it is what drives us to succeed and ultimately drives us to times of insanity. it pushes and pulls in order to achieve the balance that love needs. and therefore it is rather difficult to define or to even comprehend the starting era of any sort of love.

but love always come with prerequisites. what they truly are is the part of life that has to be found by oneself, in order to believe that sustenance of love is valid.

Dayzzz

2007-03-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

why do we even wake up? for some it's the desire to experience the day to the fullest. for most, it is the obligation. we force ourselves. we convince ourselves that there is enough reason to wake up then to go through the hastel of not waking up... most of the time this nocturnal desire is not noticed through the melancholy of the day. but, when you get down to the actual being of a person it seems that they would rather minimize their energy in life as oppose to changing life in hopes of enjoyment. there is an ongoing belief that life can not be how one had first envisioned. eventually the mentality of life becomes finish rather than grow. and that is when life becomes a chore.

i just read "the alchemist". it's an amazing book. telling of a story of a boy whom was pursuing his life dream. very inspirational and yet not through answers but rather by actions. i enjoyed it very much and would recommend it to anyone whom is felling like life should not merely be about going through the motions.

Let's all fake together

2007-03-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

it's funny when it's put into to words. but, there is really nothing funny about it.

we fake our lives in order that others may give us the recognition that we need to sustain our desire to find fulfillment in our lives. but we can never fake enough to fool ourselves. and although others do acknowledge us, we will always find someone whom won't, and therefore we cannot satisfy our perfectionist hunger. it's stupid... and it also seems to be reality for many people.

when will one truly find fulfillment in life... and what really is fulfillment? maybe we see things the wrong way. fulfillment is not portraying perfection to others. and not only that but our outlook of perfection does not truly reflect what it is. i mean, being perfect is... negatively portrayed into something that we do not want. perfection is boring. it is the utter low as there are no hard choices and no real desire from within. this is a lie. because why would we want to prove to everyone that we are boring? i mean, what's worse? us being fake, or us being boring? 'cause we can't get better if we fake to ourselves. and really it's only a matter of time until we have to face our real lives. what are we afraid of, and if it's that scary... how can we live with ourselves?

So, that's what Faith is

2007-02-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

i am going. i am actually going. i got my flights, my vaccinations, my passport... it's real! and, it's so funny 'cause when i thought about the anticipation to my leave, i only thought of pure excitement. oh, how little i knew that there can be so many emotions to such a trip. i am excited to go. to really find out whom i am and to travel the world. to find God and to learn what my faith really means and how to live that out. but, i am leaving everyone. and, although a lot of that happened when i left after high school, the mentality is different. i will be starting new. fresh. and yet everything will change. i guess that's essentially what i want. but, change is scary 'cause you don't have answers looking @ you right in the face. i think that there's a word for that... faith. faith in the unknown, knowing that God can and will guide and direct you, even though you may not know where. i fear and love the unknown. i want to become into whom i should when i leave. but, more than anything i want to be open. open to new things. open to life on my own. open to life changes, in which i may never turn back. experiencing God's beauty, and knowing that he is so much more than what i see. i have a hunger a hunger to know God and make him known. not saying i'll be perfect. and, not saying that i totally know what i'm getting myself into. but, i am saying take me. mold me. make me into whom You believe i should become. i love and want You more than anything, and am willing to put my agenda behind me... so i can focus on what i need to focus on.

Destiny or only desire?

2007-02-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

i want something familiar. something that i can hold onto. just one thing to think that life, or at least a small portion of it can be put in a neatly folded envelope. and to know that the envelope is secure. nothing is going to change it. the contents are always going to be the same, and i can put my total faith in that.

and, once i'll get that i'll probably want some type of change. weird how we always want something, and yet don't strive for it. we just expect it. i mean, God is unchanging and i can put my total faith in him, and yet it's easier for me to say, "i wish that i could have something unchanging" then rather looking, and working for it.

why is life like that? why do we have expectations and yet no ambitions. wants and still don't sustain our needs. desires and no desire to make it happen.

all we want is results when, the result is not the answer. the way you get to result actually is what makes you, you. the love and desires and ambitions we have are real. they are not a fairytale that cannot happen. rather they are dreams waiting for their reality. and, since we don't believe that this could actually happen, we brush off our dreams and desires and life goals. only to make ourselves into something we never anticipated. but still always asking, "how did i end up here?". which again proves that we still believe that change cannot happen, or at least for ourselves. and, so instead of our desires shaping us, we allow our lies to shape us... into a life of lies.

What's an opinion?

2007-02-08T12:14:00.000-08:00

nothing bothers me more when people make very strong comments about things they have no idea about. what are they thinking? that they will have more respect by having an opinion? i believe that that is hilarious. who will respect someone with a dead straight answer, when they don't even know how to express their opinion properly 'cause they are oblivious to what they are saying? it doesn't make sense to me. and, it makes me mad.

and, then there are the ones who think they know everything. how can someone know everything? and, if your opinion is correct, then it will show through the outcomes of your beliefs. it cannot be in the forcefullness. the force shows that you just want someone else to aggree with you, without proving that you are right.

Supersize me

2007-02-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

here i am. take me. i cannot do this on my own. i am tired and really just want to do nothing but sleep. it's not right, but it's how i feel. and, although feelings are not what i should base my life on, it is still a major thing in my life. i am tired. i am not able to fool myself, and all i want is for life... and to live it to it's fullest potential.

why you may ask? she has everything in front of her. she has a chance to travel the world. she has a great job. she has an awesome family that loves her.

these things are amazing, and no doubt i thank God for them everyday. that's not the point. the circumstances don't define a person. there are some things you can and cannot change. i am trying my hardest to make positive decisions. and, yet nothing can fill this, sense of drained life.

some may say it's because i don't have enough faith or that i'm not a good enough Christian. to them i ask, what makes a Christian? really? is it one who believes without questioning, and finds that the sole fulfillment of life? or is it to have the faith that things will be alright? why don't we stop fixing and start loving? stop conforming and start confronting, confronting not to prove our point but to let our point be shown that it has relevance. everyone has an opinion. and, i'm not even going to try to judge them on that. i will have my beliefs and i will be open to other people's opinions but i cannot handle it if i will be force fed and then expected to enjoy what i have been shoved down my throat. this is not how life should be.

Expression. NOT!

2007-02-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

why do we express? why do we even put ourselves out there? you know how children live? how they aren't afraid to act silly or even do stupid stuff. actually, they don't think anything of it. it's natural. but then all of a sudden there's this hush that comes upon our lives. this undefined rule, with undefined boundaries, but very defined consequences. there becomes a point in life when we acknowledge that we cannot be free. others are watching, and God forbid they would judge us.

but, why? why does it all of a sudden matter what others think? i mean, since when did other people's opinions confuse our thoughts, mute our personality, and consequently, define our lives? others will always think what they want to. no matter how much you change on the outside, you can not fool yourself into believing that you have it all together, even if you can fool others. i mean, you'll always find that one person who makes you feel bad about yourself. you'll find that one girl (with her sexy boyfriend) that will glare at you from top to bottom, making you believe you are at the bottom, of everything. it's a hole which we have made ourselves believe is never ending. although there are multiple people in life whom have had a significant role in this lie of a belief, we are the ones whom actually believe it is true. weird how lies make us into whom we are, but not whom we want to become... and what's even more weird is how we never question it. this is life, and that's how we live. but, if we base our self worth on others opinions, when do our desires come into play? and, when do we finally sit down and find out what we want or don't want to change? although others bring insight into our lives, we are the ones whom make our choices, even if we choose to be controlled by what others may think of us.

Beauty... in real life

2007-02-05T15:46:00.001-08:00

Who is a model?

It's anyone whom wants to be

It exhilarates you

It inspires you

It expresses you

And it's fun!

I know that physical beauty is not everything

Self-esteem shouldn't be found from it

Choices shouldn't be based on it

Life shouldn't revolve around it

But it's healthy to enjoy beauty

To take it in and enhance it...

Erin Fitzpatrick is the best photographer ever!

Small issues creating Big problems

2007-02-05T15:37:00.000-08:00

the smallest things of life make us so happy. you know why? i believe it's because we do not expect them. to expect is to have expectation, and all of a sudden those once wants become into needs. needs that have to be met or you cannot fully be happy, for that is what we believe. i've been noticing that a lot lately. why do we all of a sudden become so set in our ways about what (really in the whole scheme of life) does not matter? what's the point? we stress about specifics. i believe that it's because we have made ourselveses believe that we cannot change the large picture. so, what we can change we have to. no matter what it takes. it will go our way, because that's the right way (even if no one else believes it).

and then there are the opposite people. the ones whom think they can change everything. usually they do not become successful. but all of a sudden there's an Adolf Hitler. a Jesus Christ. a Napoleon. a Shakespeare. and it can turn from bad to good or good to bad. it seems to me that it's the motives of the people. i mean, if you want to do good you can. it might not be perfect and it may not go exactly how you wanted, but it's still good. or you can do evil. it might not work out the way you planned it, but it could still be bad. i mean (@ least I think) that the end does not justify the means. and, the means cannot justify the end. for the end shouldn't be defined if the means are correct. i could be wrong though, as Christ wanted to live for the hope of the end. but, the difference is that God gives us choice. he does not force the end for His agenda, even though it's the best end one could hope for. people still need choice for it to be real. the motions do not constitute for the motives.